


Jens' season

by My_Evak_Heart



Category: SKAM (Netherlands), WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Bisexuality, Falling In Love, Family, Friendship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-02-25 13:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 47,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22193170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Evak_Heart/pseuds/My_Evak_Heart
Summary: To most, Jens is confidence in a bottle. He has success with girls, a good family and the best of friends. But, what if Jens' life was different behind closed doors?(THIS IS A TEMPORARY SUMMARY)
Relationships: Jens Stoffels/Lucas van der Heijden
Comments: 26
Kudos: 291





	1. Chapter 1

**Tuesday, January 7th**

Winter break had quickly gone by and school was already starting again - much to the boys' displeasure. The return to school was tough for some, their sleeping schedules being messed up from staying up late after partying all winter break.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t so cold that morning. Jens and the boys stood outside the building, chatting as they waited for the first bell to go off. Moyo was kinda falling asleep, and Robbe had this huge, bright hickey peeking out of his hoodie.

'' _Nine_ times? Don't you think that's a little bit exaggerated?'' Jens said, not quite believing Aaron’s story.

''I'm telling the truth. We fucked all night long. It was... _wow_. Orgasm over orgasm over orgasm ove-''

''Okay, okay. We _get_ it,'' Robbe interrupted, putting a stop to Aaron's detailed night with Amber.

Aaron scoffed. ''You're just jealous you and Sander have never had a torrid night like us.''

Since getting together with Amber, Aaron didn’t seem to be able to stop talking about her. It was all he talked about now: her - and what they did together in bed. Jens got him. Truly. Losing your virginity is a big moment - more so when your first time was with the girl you've been after all year. However, the boys didn't need - nor want - to hear every little detail of his and Amber's sexual life. The curly haired one had always been an oversharer, but now that he was dating Amber, it was worse - if that was even possible.

Robbe's cheeks flushed, flashing back to his night at the penthouse. If only they knew...

''Girls bodies are different, Robbe.''

''Are they? I didn't notice,'' the brunet responded, light sarcasm out

Moyo laughed. ‘’And you? What’s going on with Jana? You two were quite cozy on Saturday,’’ he said, raising his eyebrows knowingly, because everyone had seen the two making out in a hallway at the party.

Jens shrugged, having not much to tell. ‘’I don't know. We're letting things flow and seeing where it'll go, I guess,’’ he replied, brushing it off. ‘’We don't want to go too fast and make the same mistakes.”

He had kinda got back together - if you could even call it that - with Jana at Robbe's Christmas party, sharing a kiss again for the first time after months of flirting and dipping toes around each other. It took them a long time to want to try again, kiss again, but they were glad to have waited.

Even though breaking up had been hard as hell, it was the right thing to do. Their relationship had become _toxic_ ; Jana's guilt and paranoia _had_ to stop. They had reached a state where staying together was only causing pain and although it broke their hearts to come to this conclusion, sometimes, love wasn’t enough.

‘’If you and Jana get back together, we could all go on a triple date. You, me, Robbe, Sander and the girls,’’ Aaron suggested, already looking forward to the non-agreed date.

Robbe shook his head, not on board with this idea. ‘’Sander and I are _not_ going on a date with you and Amber.’’

‘’Jana and I are taking things slow. We’re not going on a date _anytime_ soon,’’ Jens reminded him.

Dates had never been their thing either, being barely fifteen when they started dating - and, like, _very_ broke. The closest to a date they ever had was watching movies on a laptop. The freezing screen and adds for pornographic websites weren’t what you’d call romantic.

Aaron furrowed his eyebrows. ‘’Sander is practically a part of the Broerrrs now and Jana and Amber are friends, so why not-’’

‘’Because Sander can't stand Amber,’’ Robbe blurted out, having enough of walking on eggshells concerning the two. Sander had made it clear the day they met at Seaside that he didn’t like Amber. He found her too bossy and annoying for his taste.

Between them, Moyo made ‘oooh’ sounds, adding drama to the on-going spat.

Their conversation was drowned and ignored as Jens looked away, eyes falling on a boy with dark blond hair and a denim jacket. Jens didn’t know why, but he couldn’t help looking at him. There was something on this unknown boy that drew his attention and gave him an odd sensation he couldn’t quite explain or understand. _What the fuck?_

''Who is that?’’

As if on cue, the unnamed teenager looked back at him, giving Jens a good look at his face. He was all angular jaw and tousled, curly fringe.

‘’Some new kid that just moved here from the Netherlands. I think his name is Lucas,’’ Aaron responded, for once being aware of the latest gossips. ‘’Why?’’

Jens shrugged, tearing his eyes from Lucas, turning back to the boys. ‘’Curious. Hadn’t seen him here before.’’

.

**Wednesday, January 8th**

Hood on, Jens stood outside Lotte's school, waiting for her to get out. His mom had messaged him, asking to pick up his sister after school because she replaced someone at the hospital and couldn't pick her up. Jens didn't mind - and it helped ease his mom's mind. Lotte was only eight, still a bit young to walk by herself.

There was ten minutes left before Lotte would be released, so Jens pulled out his phone, seeing new messages from the Broerrrs group chat.

**Moyo:** BOYS!! We need to find an idea for the next vlog. We haven't put anything up since the start of exam week…

**Robbe:** The vlogs... I forgot about those

**Moyo:** Maybe if you’d stop sucking face with Sander for a minute

**Robbe:** We’re NOT always kissing…

**Aaron:** That’s all you two did on break! I even saw Sander wiping his mouth at a party 😏🍆💦

**Robbe:** WHAT?!

**Jens:** As if you and Amber were any better

**Moyo:** So? Anyone has ideas for the vlogs?

**Aaron:** What about a mukbangs? Can we do mukbangs?

**Moyo:** No mukbangs

**Aaron:** Why not? They’re cool to watch

**Moyo:** Maybe, but it’s fucking expensive, man. Do you have any idea how much food we need to buy to do mukbangs?

**Jens:** Yeah, you could barely afford McDonalds last friday 😂

**Aaron:** Fuck you!! Unlike you, I had a Christmas present to buy for my girlfriend

**Moyo:** We could do a twister? Have you guys seen the painful twister challenge?

**Robbe:** Painful twister?

**Moyo:** It’s like twister, but when you fall, you do a ‘painful’ challenge like eating a hot pepper or going in an ice bath or even waxing a leg

**Jens:** My sister has a twister mat, I’ll bring it

**Moyo:** We’re doing it? ****

**Jens:** Fine with me

**Robbe:** Same

**Aaron:** We’re not gonna do too painful things, right? Please no electric shock

**Jens:** Electric shock it is!

**Moyo:** Sunday 2pm at mine?

**Robbe:** Can’t. Sander and I are having lunch with my dad

A bell went off and the gates opened, freeing everyone. Then, a huddle of kids hurried out of the school, accompanied by a hubbub of voices and laughters. They ran toward their busses while others walked on the sidewalk, heading home by themselves.

‘’Jens!’’ a cheery voice called in the distance.

He looked up from his phone and smiled as Lotte ran in his direction, happy smile on her face. Her beanie was pulled down too much, almost covering her eyes. Jens let out an ‘oof’ as his sister collided into him, hugging him by the waist.

The brunette pushed up her beanie so she could see better. ‘’Where’s Mama?’’ Lotte asked with a frown, not seeing her around.

‘’Someone was sick and she had to replace them at the hospital. It’s gonna be just the two of us tonight.’’

Lotte pouted, her sad face tugging at Jens’ heart. ‘’She’s _always_ working.’’

‘’I know... What do you say we watch Frozen 2 tonight?’’ Jens offered, knowing how much his sister wanted to see it since it came out in theaters.

Her eyes brightened and face lifted immediately at the mention of the Frozen sequel. ‘’For real?’’ Jens nodded. ‘’All my friends saw it during Christmas break and I’m the only one who didn’t. I have to plug my ears every time they talk about it because I don’t want to get spoiled. Mom said she’d take me, but never did.’’

Jens chuckled, easily imagining Lotte trying to block the spoilers. ‘’Well, you can tell them all about it tomorrow.’’

‘’Yes! You’re the best brother.’’ She went for a second hug, jumping excitedly.

Most siblings who are on opposite ends of the age scale have trouble getting along. Having this much of an age gap means having very different interests. Teenagers tend to need space and don't like their stuff to be touched while children are always in the mood to play and a bit invasive - or curious.

It wasn't the case for Jens and Lotte. Jens _loved_ being an older brother. He took his role very seriously and fully embraced the protective big brother role.Sure, she was annoying at times, always asking questions about everything - but she was eight years old, what could one expect?

Despite that, Jens loved spending time with her whether it was helping with homework or watching movies in their pajamas during the weekend. Nothing made him happier than seeing a big smile on his Lotte’s face - except maybe knowing he was the one that made it appear.

.

**Thursday, January 9th**

''Left hand on blue,'' Robbe called, being the first to spin the wheel.

Instead of playing the classic way, they decided to all move for every spin. It was more fair to measure everyone's flexibility and endurance. So far, Aaron was losing sorely, having chosen a farther blue circle than necessary.

Jens snickered, seeing his friend's move. Had he ever played Twister?

''Right hand on red.''

This one was easy, at least when you started the right way. Now, Aaron was already struggling, thanks to Moyo, who purposely picked the red circle closer to Aaron.

''I was going to use that one!''

Moyo shrugged. The two others laughed. ''We never agreed to play fair, did we?''

Robbe spun the spinner, watching as Aaron attempted to slide his hand under Jens's chest to reach the other red circle. ''Left foot on green.''

Jens carefully elongated his leg back, putting the asked foot on a green circle, succeeding. Robbe gave him a thumbs-up, but when he turned back to the boys, Moyo's ass was right in his face. He grimaced. ''No... Move away! Get your ass out of my face, man.''

''I can't. It's Aaron's fault. He messed the whole game up when taking the wrong circle,'' Moyo justified.

Guilty, Aaron laughed. ‘’What, how am I supposed to-’’ He was cut off, losing balance when he moved his leg and ended up falling on top of Jens. ‘’Fuck.’’

Robbe snorted. ''And you said you had gotten more flexible now that you’re having _so_ much sex.''

‘’I _am_. It’s just- The mat is slippery, okay? It wasn't my fault,'' he tried to defend, but it didn't matter because he had fell anyways. First loser.

“That’s what happens when you don’t take off your socks, man.” Moyo laughed, gesturing to everyone else's bare feet.

Standing from the mat, Jens went to grab the wax strips he bought for the video and held them high for the camera. ‘’Wax time!’’ he and Moyo declared at the same time.

He warmed the wax strips with his hands as Aaron rolled up one of his pant’s leg, revealing a very hairy limb. Jens shared a look with Robbe, looking forward to see their friend suffer. He put the wax strip on Aaron’s leg, smirking. There was no going back, now.

‘’Want me to pull it slowly or one shot?’’

‘’Go slow-’’ He was cut off as Jens didn’t listen and pulled it one shot, making Aaron’s leg throb in pain. ‘’Ow!’’ Aaron curled on himself, holding his - now hairless - leg as if it would lessen the pain. ‘’Holy fuck! Why do girls do that to themselves? That shit hurts.’’

Once Aaron had semi recovered from his waxed leg, Moyo took Robbe’s place and spun the spinner, going for a second round.

‘’Okay, Broerrrs, let’s start.’’ Moyo rubbed his hands together excitedly, watching as the arrow circled around and stopped on a color. ‘’Right foot on yellow.''

Again, Aaron didn’t seem to get the rules of the game and used the yellow in Jens’ part of the mat. ''Aaron, what the fuck? This was _my_ yellow,''

Robbe and Moyo laughed as Aaron removed his foot and chose another one. _Someone,please, help this child..._

After a couple rounds, their asses were in the air, resembling the downward-facing dog position. While it was semi-comfortable position, the next move wasn't.

''Left hand on green.''

Jens, being taller than the other two, was able to reach the green circle. He grinned as he watched Aaron and Robbe struggling. By some miracle, they reached a green circle as well and the game continued.

The next to fall was Robbe, toppling over and causing everyone to join him on the floor. A hot pepper was presented to him and he had to take a bite. There were tears pooling in Robbe’s eyes at how spicy it was. He was not able to feel his lips for the next two rounds.

Moyo managed to crack his pants in the third round, making a move he probably shouldn't have. Despite the clothing casualty, it was gonna be good laughing content for the vlog.

Then, Robbe accidently put his foot on Jens’s hand and Aaron was caught cheating. He swore he wasn’t aware of the ‘only hands and feet are allowed on the mat’ rule, but the boys decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, not wanting to start an argument.

This was, certainly, a memory to tell.

.

**Friday, January 10th**

Jens’s bedroom door creaked open, pulling him from his sleep. As he woke up, the echoes of his parents' screaming match became clearer, informing him that his dad was home. It’s been like this since December. Jens’s dad had been working at the same office for over fifteen years and, when his boss felt the company’s sales going downhill, he was one of the unlucky employees who got fucking fired. _Fired._

Sighing, Jens rubbed his eyes, prying them open, and saw Lotte's standing figure at the foot of his bed, waiting expectantly. It was dark, but he could see the purple giraffe plushie she was holding to her chest. He glanced at the time on his phone: almost 1am.

Sitting up, Jens scooted closer to the wall and lifted his comforter, making room for Lotte. She quickly crossed the floor and crawled under the covers.

‘’Are mama and papa getting divorced?’’ she asked in a small voice.

Jens’s heart sank at her question. He shifted and wrapped his arms around her, fuzzy pajamas tickling his skin. He didn’t know what to say, what to _do_ \- he didn’t even know where she’d learned that word. At her age Jens didn’t know what divorce was, less wonder if it was going to happen to his parents.

“Don’t worry Lotte, everything’s going to be okay.’’ His arms hugged her tighter, hoping it would reassure her a little...hoping he was right. He knew that hearing their parents fight so frequently was affecting her more than him, but he didn’t realise just how much more.

.

His skilled hands were under Jana's top, thumb grazing over her unpadded bralette, making her nipple harden. She arched her back as they kissed, trying to create friction between their bodies. 

They had escaped to a free bedroom minutes ago, seeking the intimacy and proximity that they couldn't allow themselves in the middle of the party.

This bed wasn't near as comfortable as Jana's, but it did the job for their mid-party make out session. A better choice than the bathroom, at least. In here, no one would bang on the door and yell about needing to use the toilet.

A moan left Jana's lips as Jens kissed down her neck, her bitten fingernails scratching at Jens's back under his tee shirt - why was it still on? Jens smiled smugly, remembering his ex-girlfriend’s body and its reaction to his touch like they never broke up the year prior. _Some things just can’t be forgotten._

The loud music echoed inside the room, Travis Scott’s latest hit playing. It wasn’t really a song to bang to, but they weren’t the ones in charge of the playlist, were they?

Jana hooked her leg around Jens’s waist, fingers grasping the sheets as he kissed his way down her stomach, knowing exactly where this was going. ‘’ _Jens_ …’’

.

Readjusting his hoodie, Jens ducked out of the bedroom he was in. His hair was probably still messy from Jana running her fingers through it. He pulled out his phone, texting Moyo to ask where they were, in the mood to smoke a joint. Nothing tasted better than a blunt after a blowjob.

At least, at the moment.

‘’Got lucky tonight?’’

Looking up, Jens recognized the new guy at school. Lucas, was it? He was standing in the hallway, red cup in his left hand, leaning against the wall as he raised his eyebrows suggestively, a smug grin on his lips.

Jens frowned. ‘’Uh?’’

‘’I saw your girl leaving the same room and adjusting her shirt a minute ago. Not that I was stalking you. I was just...there, I guess,’’ he explained, bringing his cup to his lips, taking a slow sip.

‘’Oh, you mean Jana?’’ Jens shook his head, correcting him. ‘’She’s not my girl. Not anymore.’’

Lucas hummed, interested in the new information. ‘’So, you’re the kind of guy who fuck with his ex?’’

The question took Jens by surprise. He blinked. Did he hear him right? Who was this guy to assume things about him?

‘’What? We didn’t-’’

‘’Clearly, something happened in there and, by the look of your lips and messy hair, no talking was involved,’’ he said, raising his eyebrows suggestively again before holding his hand out. ‘’I’m Lucas.’’

‘’Jens,’’ he replied, shaking the other boy’s hand.

Before they could carry on with their party small talk, someone hooked their arm around Jens’ shoulder. ‘’There you are! I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Robbe disappeared with Sander and Aaron is sucking faces with Amber.’’

“Here I am,” Jens said, laughing at Moyo’s comment about their friends. “Did you get my text?”

Moyo shook his head, a questioning look on his face. ‘’No…’’

“Do you have the weed?”

“Ah, yes.” Moyo replied, pulling a joint out of his pocket and handing it to Jens, who took it gratefully. ‘’Want some?’’ he asked, nodding at Lucas.

‘’Normally I’d say yes, but I actually should be heading home now.’’ Lucas raised his eyebrows, blue eyes on Jens. ‘’See you around, Jens.’’

Moyo was distracted by someone behind them talking and Lucas took the opportunity to wink at Jens, before walking off and leaving the other boy baffled.

_What. The. Fuck._


	2. Chapter 2

**Sunday, January 12th**

Going to lunch with Robbe and Sander was Jens’ worst idea to date. The two were still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship and constantly making heart eyes at each other across the table, completely ignoring Jens.

When Jens made it to the café, Robbe was wearing what appeared to be one of Sander’s tee shirts - it was way too big to belong to Robbe - and the older boy was all over Robbe, clinging onto and kissing him, making it even clearer to Jens that he was third-wheeling the couple’s lunch date.

Sometimes, Jens missed being in a relationship.

Single life was good too, though. No need to explain yourself and share your whereabouts all the time, or return calls and messages under five minutes. Freedom felt too good for Jens to give up celibacy.

The waiter brought over their orders, awkwardly clearing his throat as he slid Robbe’s plate in front of him. By the look on Robbe’s face, it was clear that he was uncomfortable. Sander didn’t seem to care, still whispering into Robbe’s ear and kissing his cheek.

If Jens hadn’t been so used to their behavior, he would’ve felt uncomfortable too.

‘’Did you finish editing the vlog?’’ Robbe asked, breaking the silence.

‘’Is it the one where Moyo cracks his pants?’’ Sander demanded, a sly grin creeping across his lips.

Jens nodded. ‘’Yeah, that’s the one.’’ He paused, taking a bite of his grilled sandwich, chasing it down with a fry.. ‘’Sander, did Robbe tell you about the hot pepper he ate? Poor guy was crying.’’ Jens made a dramatic frown, pretending to feel sorry for his best friend. Robbe chucked a piece of bread at him.

‘’Shut up.’’ Robbe narrowed his eyes. ‘’I wasn’t _crying_ …’’

Okay, he wasn’t ‘tears streaming down his face crying’, but there were _real_ tears pooling in Robbe’s eyes from how spicy the pepper was and Jens had the proof on tape. He couldn’t argue with that.

‘’Aw,’’ Sander cooed teasingly. ‘’Couldn’t handle the spice, uh?’’

“I’d like to see you try and taste it! It was fucking hot, okay?”

The blond scoffed. “Robbe, your tolerance is less than impressive. You can’t handle hot Cheetos. They’re not even _that_ spicy!”

‘’They make my lips feel tingly. I hate it.’’

Sander leaned closer to his boyfriend, lowering his voice. ‘’I can name something else that makes your lips feel all tingly…’’ He had this smug look on his face as Robbe pinched his thigh, a silent warning.

The bell resonated across the café as a new customer walked in, causing Jens to lift his eyes from his plate, needing a distraction from the intimate exchange happening in front of him. He didn’t mind them acting like that, there are just some things Jens would rather _not_ hear or know about his best friend.

The customer’s back was facing Jens, but he recognized the curly fringe and denim jacket.

Hands stuffed inside his pockets, Lucas, glanced at the menu over the counter, uncertain. He looked around, searching for nothing in particular and smiled, face lighting up when seeing a familiar face inside the café.

Jens raised his hand and waved him over, offering a helping hand to the new kid. Or, that’s what he told himself.

Lucas walked over to Jens’s table, smiling bright. ‘’Hi.’’

‘’Wanna join us?’’

‘’I don’t want to intrude…’’ Lucas glanced at Robbe and Sander.

Jens shook his head. ‘’You’re not,’’ he assured him. ’’I already feel like a third wheel. If you join us, I won’t have to talk to myself for the rest of lunch.’’

‘’Okay.’’ Lucas sat down next to Jens, his presence going unacknowledged by the couple in front of them. He brushed his knee against Jens’, causing a warmth in his stomach that seemed to spread throughout his body. ‘’Lucas,’’ he introduced himself, shaking Robbe and Sander’s hands. ‘’So, what’s good here? Last time, I ordered a ham and cheese sandwich and it was less than tasty.’’ Lucas grimaced at the memories. ‘’I’ll take some of your recommendations, if you don’t mind.’’

‘’It depends what you’re in the mood for,’’ Sander said, detaching himself from Robbe a bit, playing connaisseur. ‘’Personally, I wouldn’t recommend the croques. Not crunchy enough and burnt on one side most of the time. They serve them good-side-up thinking you won’t notice.’’

‘’So, no croques, I take it?’’

Sander grinned. ‘’No croques. Coffee’s good though.’’

‘’Noted.’’ He stole a fry from Jens’s plate.

‘’Those are mine!’’

Lucas shrugged, happily eating his fry. ‘’I take it you don’t share your food. You have plenty. Selfish much, uh?’’ He cocked an eyebrow, giving Jens a judgemental look.

The latter rolled his eyes. ‘’So? Are the fries good?’’

‘’They’re alright, I guess. But, I’m gonna order cake. I’m more of a sweet tooth.’’

.

**Monday, January 113th**

Noises were coming from the kitchen when Jens came home from school. He frowned and removed his shoes and jacket, leaving the latter with his backpack in the entrance. He’d take them upstairs later.

His dad’s shoes weren’t on the small carpet which meant he wasn’t home - again.

Jens headed down the hallway, seeing his mom, still in her work uniform, pulling out a box of pasta from the pantry and frantically moving around the kitchen.

“Mom?”

At her son’s voice, the brunette woman snapped her head around, flashing him a quick smile. “You’re home early.”

“Yeah, Mr. Montez let us out before the bell so I got to catch an earlier bus,” the teenager explained. “Need a hand?”

“That would be very helpful.”

Jens moved to the stove, pulling out a pot and filled it with water. He didn’t know what his mom was cooking, but judging by the pastas on the counter top, she was going to need to boil them.

Jens hoped for his dad’s sake that his job interview wasn’t a lie. His mom was exhausted from taking extra shifts all the time. Someone else needed to bring money home.

Christmas had been less festive than usual. The smaller amount of money in the Stoffels’ pockets was reflected in Christmas dinner and handful of presents under the tree. Jens had to renounce the new skateboard he wanted, his parents being on a tighter budget. He was sad, but his old skateboard still worked fine.

Waiting for the water to boil, Jens voiced the question that had been nagging him for the past few weeks. “Why didn’t you say anything? About dad losing his job?”

Fenna stopped chopping the vegetables, going still for a few seconds. She let out a shaky breath and turned to her son, ready to address his concerns. “Because we didn’t want to worry you, or Lotte. You know how prideful your dad is; he was embarrassed to tell his kids that he lost his job. He’s forty-six. Losing your job at that age is difficult to take in, Jens. He tried to negotiate getting his job back, but his boss was firm with his decision.”

Jens let his head fall and his eyes close. He knew this was a difficult subject for both his parents, yet he brought it up. ‘’I’m sorry, Mom.’’

His mom shook her head. She was so grateful to have a son like Jens. So caring and empathetic. But, this wasn’t his fault. _Nothing_ concerning his father’s job loss was. ‘’It’s not your fault. It happens.’’ She pulled a pan from the cupboard and set it beside the cooking pasta. “What time is it?’’

‘’Almost four,’’ Jens responded, checking the time on his phone.

‘’Crap. I have to get going. They need a nurse to fill-in for the night and I couldn’t afford to decline. That’s why I was preparing dinner a bit early. Guess I didn’t judge my time very well… I also have to pick up your sister from school and drop her here and-”

“Mom? _Mom_!” His sharp tone cut through her increasingly panicked one. “Put everything down. I can make dinner. Pastas are easy to make, right?”

‘’And Lotte-’’

“I’m sure Ines’ mom will take Lotte home with them if you ask. She lives two blocks from here,’’ Jens suggested, solving another problem on his mom’s checklist.

She grabbed her jacket, bag, and keys, listing the rest of the dinner’s recipe to him. Jens nodded along without really hearing her, knowing he could just wing it. Like he said, pasta are relatively simple to make.

“Got it,’’ Jens assured her, confidently. ‘’Just go, Mom. We’ll be fine, I promise.”

Fenna sighed. “Okay, okay I’m leaving. I love you Jens. Take good care of your sister while I’m gone.”

 _Love you too_ , Jens thought, hearing the front door close after she left the kitchen. He turned back to the stove and his eyes widened in surprise at the boiling water overflowing from the pot. He quickly grabbed at the burner knob, flipping it to low while trying to avoid the scalding water.

.

**Tuesday, January 14th**

It was the first time that Jana came over since they broke up. She hadn’t sat on Jens’s bed in over a year, somehow, everything still felt familiar. _Nothing_ had changed. The sheets were the same, Jens’ clothes still sitting in an overflowing pile on the desk chair by the door. Even his electric guitar was in its same spot.

Jana smiled, looking around the bedroom. “I missed this.”

Jens furrowed his eyebrows, confused. “Missed what? My dirty clothes?” He scooted higher on his bed, propping himself up against his pillows, and chuckled.

“No, idiot.” She shook her head, holding back from chucking a pillow at him. “Coming over, being here…with you. It’s been so long.”

 _Two years_.

Jens remembered the last time she was there. He was playing Fortnite with Robbe - and Moyo online. She came over, uninvited and without warning, and told Jens some bullshit story about forgetting her phone at Luka’s. This was where their relationship started to go downhill.

‘’Would you change anything about our past, if you could?’’ Jana asked, breaking the silence. She was sitting crossed legged, facing Jens.

Her question, although relatively simple, made Jens think twice before responding.

Although it was tempting to say yes, Jens shook his head. He wouldn’t lie, there were decisions and actions he wasn’t proud of, but his past led them to where he was today. If he made even the slightest change, _everything_ would have been different. And, not to sound cocky, but he was pretty proud of the person he’d become.

‘’If I say yes, we wouldn’t be the same people we are now. Our mistakes and decision makes who we are, who we became,’’ Jens responded, insightfully. ‘’So, no. I wouldn’t change a thing.’’

‘‘I see your point, but I’d still tempt my fate to make a couple changes.”

‘’I still feel bad for dating you behind her back and while you two were still together. I was ultimate friendship betrayal.’’ She looked down, thinking about how much pain it had caused her best friend. Poor Britt had luck with the cheater boyfriends… ‘’I should’ve kissed you before her.’’

Jens snickered a laugh, unable to believe her. ‘’How would you have done that? You were way too shy and always hiding in Britt’s shadow.’’

Jana raised her eyebrows. ‘’Oh yeah? Remind me who kissed you first at the Christmas party?’’

She uncrossed her legs and crawled over to Jens, passing one leg over his waist, straddling him, and pressed her lips to his in a gentle kiss. Jens’s tongue slipped between her parted lips, his hands finding the back of Jana’s sweater while Jana’s slid under his, kneading at his toned stomach.

The door opened, interrupting the teenagers.

‘’Jens, can you help me with-’’ The brunette girl stopped dead in her tracks, frowning when seeing a familiar face on her brother’s bed…on top of Jens. ‘’Jana?’’ There was uncertainty in her voice mixed with excitement.

The latter quickly removed herself from Jens’ lap, slightly embarrassed, and sat next to him instead. This was awkward… “Hi, Lotte.’’ Jana grinned at the little girl. ‘’Haven’t seen you in so long. You’ve gotten so big.’’

Although things were going well between them, there was still factors that made Jens not want to get back together with his ex. And, as much as Lotte liked Jana, he didn’t want to let her in too much. She was sad when Jens announced that Jana and him were over; it was best if she wasn’t too involved. He also didn’t see himself explaining their relationship status to his eight years old sister.

Sitting up, Jens broke the interaction. ’‘Lotte, please leave us alone, will you? Go play with your dolls or something.” He fixed his shirt so it wasn’t exposing his stomach anymore.

Unlike Jana, Jens didn’t only have his parents to worry about when making out with someone in his bedroom. He also had a little sister that didn’t understand the importance of knocking before walking into a room - nor the concept of privacy.

Lotte frowned. ‘’But, you said you’d help me with my multiplication…’’

‘’I’ll help you later. When Jana goes home, okay?’’

.

**Wednesday, January 15th**

It was almost 10pm when Jens descended to the kitchen to get a drink. He was working on a History assignment with Robbe via Facetime and it was taking them _so_ long. History was neither of the boys’ forte.

The house was quiet since it was so late at night. The lights illuminating the staircase were dimmed, just bright enough to prevent someone from tripping on a misplaced shoe or stray sock.

Almost on the ground floor, Jens saw a light in the living room, coming from a small lamp. Jens frowned. He got closer and saw his mother’s sleeping figure in the armchair. A sad smile formed on his lips. She must’ve fallen asleep there on accident, judging by the abandoned book laying open on her lap.

‘’Mom,’’ Jens said, gently shaking her awake on the armchair.

He felt bad for waking her, knowing that she needed rest after working all those long shifts at the hospital, but her neck would hurt later if she stayed there.

‘’Mom,’’ he tried again.

This time, her eyes fluttered open, slowly waking. She squinted her eyes in the light of the lamp. ‘’Jens?’’ She looked around, realizing that she fell asleep in the living room. ‘’How long was I out for?’’

‘’I don’t know, I just came down. I figured you’d be more comfortable in your bed.’’

Fenna smiled and nodded. ‘’Good idea. I have to be up early tomorrow.’’

‘’I thought Thursday was your off day?’’

‘’It is. But the bills are piling up and your dad….’’ She sighed, looking away.

Jens took a seat on the couch next to the armchair. ‘’I take it his job interview didn’t go well.’’

‘’I don’t know what to do anymore. Taxes are coming and I can’t take more shifts. I come home exhausted from double shifts and still, it isn’t enough.’’ Fenna sighed, dropping her head in her hands in both despair and exhaustion. ‘’I knew it would be difficult to make ends meet when your dad lost his job, but I didn’t plan on neglecting you and your sister so much. We barely spend time together anymore, I miss it. I feel bad…’’

‘’We do spend time together, we cooked dinner on Monday.’’

His mom gave him a look. ‘’Chatting about our day over peeling carrots isn’t what I call spending time with my kids.’’

Jens shrugged, laughing. ‘’It still counts for me.’’

‘’I’m not sure your sister would say the same.’’

‘’You’re doing all you can, Mom.’’

.

**Thursday, January 16th**

The boys were playing Fortnite in Jens’ bedroom, yelling at the TV at each wrong move. They had ordered pizza, the almost-empty boxes resting on the dresser with drinks surrounding them.

With his mom still at work and his dad out with Lotte at her weekly dance class, the teenager took full advantage of their absence by inviting his friends over to play video games. It’d been a while since they all met to hang out, one of them always busy with their significant other - mostly Robbe.

Moyo was really good, kicking Aaron’s ass every time. It was amusing to watch him lose and rake his brain for the dumbest excuses, trying to justify his loss. Sore loser. Robbe’s skills had decreased, now more keen on spending time with Sander than playing video games. He’s in love, could you blame him?

'Game over’ flashed across the screen, lettingAaron know he’d died. He gasped, shocked by his friend’s betrayal. “What the fuck, bro? We’re on the same team!”

Jens shrugged, eyes focused on the screen. “You were slowing me down.”

“I was covering for you and you shot me. Fucking traitor…”

“Covering for me? I almost got killed twice _because_ of you.”

Aaron bickered back, defending himself _again_ , but Jens wasn’t listening; this made Moyo laugh. If Robbe’s nose wouldn’t have been glued to his phone, he would’ve laughed too.

It was good to have everyone together again and not have to think of a video idea or film for the vlog channel. They _love_ doing vlogs, but hanging out and playing Fortnite was nice too. A distraction and some fun with his friends was exactly what Jens needed right now. It was nice to take a break and not have to think about his problems for a couple of hours. Jens could always count on the boys to turn some of his worries into laughter.

Even though Jens was trying his best to distract himself, his family’s problems were still in the back of his mind. Amidst the laughter, his mom’s exhausted face from constant worry and overworking herself flashed across his mind.

Jens wished he could help - more than he already did - take some worries off her shoulders, but the balance in his bank account wasn’t even in the double digits. He thought about getting a job, but it would complicate things since his shifts would be on the weekend and after school and he wouldn’t be able to help with Lotte as much. His parents _needed_ that help.

Minutes later, Jens died and it was time to switch players. He handed his controller to Moyo. Aaron’s went to Robbe, but the latter’s phone rang before they could start the game.

Robbe frowned and apologized. ‘’It’s my mom. I have to answer.’’ He stood, leaving Jens’ room to talk somewhere quiet and private.

Aaron stood too, putting his controller on the bed. ‘’I’m gonna go pee. The beer is starting to hit me. Don’t cheat while I’m gone,’’ he said, warning Jens and Moyo.

“Says the cheater himself,” Moyo retorted with a snort while standing up to get another drink - a can of coke, this time. It was a school night and Moyo doubted his mom would let it slide if he came home drunk on a Thursday. He opened the drink and sat back on the bed, sighing, still feeling full from the pizza slices he ate earlier. “That last one was a mistake.”

Beside him, Jens let out a short laugh.

Fidgeting with his hands, he glanced out of his bedroom door, checking if they boys were out of sight. He had meant to ask Moyo something and, with Robbe on the phone and Aaron in the bathroom, it was the perfect time. It was nothing embarrassing, Jens just didn’t want Robbe to overhear his question and think too much or Aaron to be all up in his business.

“Can I have your weed guy’s number?”

Moyo raised his eyebrows, surprised by Jens’ question. “What for?” He took a sip of his coke. “I can bring you a couple grams tomorrow if you want. I don’t mind.”

Jens shook his head. “Erm, no. I want to buy some for myself. It’s not fair for you to pay for everyone’s weed.”

Moyo shot him a skeptical look but shared his dealer’s number.

.

**Friday, January 17th**

Jens was getting ready for tonight’s party, trying to fix his hair - that one piece was _so_ annoying - before meeting the boys at Robbe’s. His backpack was ready for the night, filled with beers and a bottle of cheap vodka. It tasted awful, but it did a good job at getting you drunk.

Slipping on his red hoodie, Jens grabbed his phone to check the time when a notification caught his attention.

**_vanderheijden.lucas_ ** _is now following you_

He opened the notification and smiled. _Lucas_. As in the new boy Lucas? The Dutch boy with the beautiful eyes and the cocky grin?

A peek at his feed told Jens that Lucas was a selfie person. His bright blue eyes stood out on some of these shots. Like, _wow_. There were pictures of his friends, too. One of the two had longer hair and mild-toned skin, and the other had a shorter haircut.

As Jens scrolled down Lucas’s pictures, he noticed a red ‘1’ on the paper plane icon in the right corner of his phone, signalling a new DM. Raising his eyebrows, Jens clicked on it.

 **vanderheijden.lucas** Hi

 **jensrolt** Hi 😊

 **vanderheijden.lucas** I found your Instagram. Hope you don’t mind!

 **jensrolt** I would’ve made it private if I did…and I’m always looking for more fans

 **jensrolt** Are you coming tonight?

 **vanderheijden.lucas** I’m assuming it’s a party you’re asking about, but I’m in Utrecht…

Jens raised his eyebrows.

A part of him was hoping to see Lucas tonight, but now he was a bit disappointed. The brunet’s flirty wink from last Friday was floating in the back of Jens’ mind, just like the feeling in his stomach when their knees brushed under the table at the café. Jens didn’t know what it all meant, but he was curious to see what Lucas would do next.

 **jensrolt** What’s in Utrecht?

Lucas was from the Netherlands, Jens knew that, but why was he going back? Was he visiting the boy he saw in the pics, the one with dark hair and mid-toned skin? They seemed pretty close - a bit _too_ close for Jens’ taste. He almost clicked on the guy’s face to see if he was tagged, but realized how stalker-ish that was.

That didn’t stop him from staring at Lucas’ beautiful blue eyes. They seemed brighter in every new pic. His scrolling was interrupted when a notification popped up at the top of his screen: a new message from vanderheijden.lucas.

 **vanderheijden.lucas** I’m visiting my mom. It’s her weekend. The joy of having divorced parents…

Lucas’ sarcasm made Jens laugh, his lips curling into a smile.

 **vanderheijden.lucas** I’ll be there next friday though. If there’s a party

 **jensrolt** There’s ALWAYS a party

 **vanderheijden.lucas** Save me a drink? 😉

Eyebrows pulled, Jens brought his phone closer to his face. A winky emoji?

Before he could analyse the message further, Jens’ phone flashed with Robbe’s name.

 _Shit_. The pre-game. He’d totally forgotten about that.

‘’I’m on my way,’’ he told his best friend, hanging up and bolting out of his bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the longest so far. Please leave kudos and a comment <3

**Saturday, January 18th**

After the pre-game at Robbe’s, they all moved to some party Jana had found and invited them to. He and Jana had made out a bit, but Jens’ mind couldn’t help wandering to Lucas who was making his phone buzz in his pocket. It felt wrong to make out with someone while thinking about someone else. Jens couldn’t do it. So, he made up some lie about feeling dizzy from alcohol and needing to go home.

Regardless, the night had ended late for Jens. He and Lucas had messaged back and forth all night, getting to know each other through Instagram DMs.

Jens learned that Lucas liked Indie Pop music and _hated_ Marvel movies - even though they look really cool. They are just too long and Lucas could never sit through a whole movie. He broke his arm last year trying to do a trick on the half-pipe, but that didn't stop him from going back on his skateboard the following day. Sweet food was his favorite - as stated at the café. Cakes, pastries, chocolate, pancakes... _anything_ sweet.

The more they chatted, Jens realized that Lucas must have plans with his friends. He only got to see them every other weekend and Jens felt bad from keeping the blue-eyed boy on his phone instead of spending time with them. But, Lucas assured him it was okay, that actually he was glad to have company.

His Friday night didn't go how he had expected it to. What was supposed to be a bowling night ended up being Lucas walking a drunk Isa home after she threw up in the bushes in front of the bowling alley. While he had a good laugh trying to get Isa upstairs, he’d rather lay in bed and talk with Jens.

When he woke up, Jens saw a notification from Lucas. His phone was so close to his face due to falling asleep with it last night that the flashing screen made him groan. He squinted and rubbed his eyes, adjusting to the bright light of the screen.

 **vanderheijden.lucas** Jens? Still there?

 **vanderheijden.lucas** Did you fall asleep? If so, good night. I think I’m going to crash too

A smile crept on Jens’ face, reading Lucas’ messages.

Before he could write anything back, his door opened and Lotte ran and jumped on her big brother’s bed, attacking Jens with morning hugs. A bit startled, Jens’ phone slipped from his hands, landing on his comforter. Lotte screeched as Jens caught her and started tickling her.

''S-stop, stop,'' she demanded between giggles, wiggling and trying to push Jens away with her hands and feet. ''It t-tickles.''

Jens pursued his tickle attack for a couple seconds, stopping when he felt his sister’s breath shorten. ‘’That’s what you get for waking me so early.’’

Lotte frowned. ‘’It’s not early. It’s 10am.’’

‘’For me, it is.’’

The eight year old rolled her eyes, annoyed at her brother's late sleeping-in and morning laziness. ‘’I have something for you.’’

Sitting straighter, Jens raised an eyebrow, curious. ‘’Oh? What is it?’’

Looking around on the mattress, Lotte picked up the piece of paper at the end of Jen's bed and handed him the card she made. It was made out of pink cardboard paper and had drawings of colorful balloons on the cover, spelling 'Happy Birthday' in bold letters. There was a ton of stickers and glitter all around, making a mess on Jens' comforter.

The paper was a bit crumpled from the tickle attack, but it's the thought that mattered. Jens smiled and opened the card, reading Lotte's crooked handwriting. These homemade cards his sister gave him every year were Jens' favorite birthday presents - beside money and alcohol. They were childish, but so meaningful.

His smile widened as he read the short yet heartfelt message. He could tell she had the help of a teacher for the spelling, but they were her words.

''I'm going to a sleepover at Ines' tonight and won't be here to give it to you,’’ Lotte explained.

Jens pulled his sister for a big bear hug. “Thank you for this. You're the best little sister ever,'' he said, returning her own words. Lotte grinned and Jens decided to tease her a bit. ‘’You’re the only sister I have though...don’t have much of a choice.’’

The brunette pulled her eyebrows, giving her brother a look.

‘’I’m kidding.’’ Jens scooted over, tapping the space next to him. ‘’Get in. We can watch a movie before I have to get ready.’’

Lotte looked at Jens with the biggest grin on her face. “Can we watch the new _Dr. Dolittle_?”

Discontentment and annoyance flashed across Jens’ face. Animal movies were _not_ his thing. _Cats & Dogs_, _Beverly Hills Chihuahua_ , Marmaduke; he couldn't stand those. As a kid, he was always more into super heroes like Spiderman or Batman. He would watch those for hours on repeat - and had managed to learn all the lines.

The pout on Lotte’s face made him cave and reach for his laptop, about to look for that damn _Dr. Dolittle_ movie.

.

''Birthday boy is here!'' Moyo called cheerfully, phone in hand, filming as Jens made his entrance into the flatshare. He hooked an arm around Jens' shoulder, pulling him in a bro hug. ‘’How does it feel to be seventeen?’’

Jens rolled his eyes at Moyo’s question. ‘’I don’t know. It’s not my birthday, yet…’’ he pointed out, laughing.

Aaron stepped in next, pushing a beer into Jens' hands. They had stronger stuff in the kitchen, but Aaron figured he could start with a beer. It was only 9pm, too early to get drunk. Unless you want to spend your evening sleeping in a corner or with your head in the toilet.

This party was a last minute idea. The initial plan was to go to a bar, but they were all too broke to go out - perks of being a teenager. Neither of the boys could host either, their parents all home this weekend. Except Robbe, who was at the flatshare. But, the place was already taken by Milan’s own birthday party. Having heard their dilema, Milan kindly offered to share his party and celebrate Jens’ birthday too. After all, birthday siblings gotta stick together.

Jens accepted the beer and took a long swig. ‘’Let’s get this party started!’’

Moyo and Aaron cheered on each of his sides, pulling their friend through the mass of people in the living room where they found Robbe - attached to Sander's neck, dancing.

The small boy detached himself from Sander when he spotted Jens, wishing his best friend a happy birthday. Sander did the same, exchanging a quick hug in greetings before pulling Robbe back to him, kissing his cheek.

In true Milan fashion, the apartment was decorated to the max. There was paper streamers taped all over the walls and ceilings along with balloons and even a huge banner on the living room’s wall. A pink fringed curtain separated the kitchen from the rest, as if to let everyone know where the good stuff was.

Jana quickly found Jens, stumbling and holding onto his shoulder for stability. ‘’Happy birthday,’’ she said to him, throwing her arms around his neck and spilling some wine on the floor. Thank god it was _white_ wine.

.

**Sunday, January 19th**

Jens was a _bit_ hungover when he woke up.

Who was he trying to fool? He was totally hungover. All the alcohol he had downed and mixed felt heavy in his stomach, threatening to come back up. His head was pounding and his back was aching due to sleeping on Milan’s couch.

Over all, he felt like... _death_.

Jens grunted in displeasure, trying to roll over and grab his phone on the floor - unplugged. If his head didn't hurt this much, he would’ve laughed at his failed attempt to plug his phone, the charger laying a few centimeters from his phone with no phone attached. _Good job, Drunk-Jens…_

He unlocked the screen and saw a message from his mom, asking what time he was planning to come home - followed by a quick ‘happy birthday’.

Sighing, Jens turned it off and stood, feeling the room spin for a few seconds, probably still a little bit drunk. Steadying himself, he walked past Aaron’s sleeping bag and almost tripped on Moyo’s makeshift bed on the floor. Can’t this boy clean up after himself? Or, was Jens too clumsy?

He heard Zoe and Milan talking, quickly followed by the sound of Moyo and Sander laughing. Jens followed the voices, coming from the kitchen, hood covering his messy hair.

''And he's up!'' Moyo commented as he made his entrance, interrupting the current conversation.

''How's the birthday boy feeling this morning?'' Milan teased, sensing his hangover.

Aaron and Moyo snickered and Jens flipped them off. ''Like I got rolled over by a fucking truck,'' he answered honestly, voice croaky from the lack of hydration.

Last night, Jana had made him chug wine while they danced, and the boys vodka. _Seventeen_ shots for his seventeenth birthday. What a _great_ idea.

Sander was sitting on the kitchen counter - lacking seats -, sipping coffee with Zoe. It was unlike him to wake up before Robbe - or be anywhere without him -, but someone had to make decent coffee.

‘’Want some?’’ Zoe kindly offered.

Jens nodded and she poured him a cup. Hopefully it'll wake him up and ease his hangover - or make it disappear altogether.

‘’Want some vodka in your coffee?’’ Sander asked with a smirk.

Jens made a grimace, stomach churning. ‘’Don’t mention the devil.’’

Sander laughed and got down from the counter, asking if anyone wanted breakfast. Zoe offered to help, knowing no one else could cook in this household.

They took everyone’s orders, settling on eggs and pancakes. Usually, Jens would be down for some good homemade breakfast, but there was no way he could stomach food right now. Just the smell of it made his stomach turn.

Head on the kitchen table, the birthday boy listened as Moyo shared his retelling of last night's escapades. Since his failed attempt with Noor, his pride was a bit wounded and he had taken Aaron's spot as the desperate one of the gang. He ranted about this cute blonde with a plunging top, putting emphasis on how close he was to kissing her, but skipped the part where she slapped him. Too bad for him, Jens happened to have caught the scene when coming out of the bathroom.

And while they all agreed Aaron was the worst in the flirting department... Moyo wasn't much better.

As they were talking, Jens felt like his head was about to explode, how was he supposed to go home like this later? He doubted his hangover would go unnoticed by his parents. Especially his mom. It’s like she has a sixth sense or something.

Just as Zoe and Sander deposited the food on the table, a sleepy eyed Robbe walked into the kitchen, hair messy and sticking up here and there. He wasn't even wearing pants, just an oversized tee shirt, covering just enough.

“Do I smell pancakes?” he asked.

Sander snorted, unimpressed. ‘’Of course, that’s what gets you out of bed.” Robbe smiled lazily and went to sit on Sander’s lap, already missing his boyfriend’s touch. “Now I know what gets you up in the morning!”

Robbe pressed his forehead against Sanders, mumbling quietly. “I can tell you of a few other things that get me _up_ in the morning”

“Hey, we are eating here, man,” Moyo groaned, tearing his eyes away from the couple and scrunching his face.

“Well, at least you don’t have to live with them 24/7” Milan lamented.

Zoe agreed, scooping a pancake onto a plate and taking it to the counter to eat. The kitchen was a tad bit small for all these people, but they made it work.

‘’You’re not eating?’’ the blonde asked Jens, eyebrows raised, but the boy shook his head. ‘’It might not sound like it, but eating could make you feel better. Alcohol causes low blood sugar. Eating breakfast actually helps get your sugar levels up while the alcohol comes out of your system.’’

‘’I’m good.

Jens felt his phone buzz in his hand. He lifted his head and Looked at the screen, seeing an Instagram notification.

 ** _vanderheijden.lucas_** sent you a message.

Jens opened his phone and stared at a flashing ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY’ gif.

 **vanderheijden.lucas** I hope you had a great birthday. Sorry I couldn’t be there, but I’ll definitely see you next Friday

.

**Monday, January 20th**

Jens felt a lot better on Monday. The content of his stomach was no longer threatening to come up and the elephant sitting on his head was gone.

He had vomited his guts in the bathroom when coming home yesterday and had to make up a lie about eating something bad at Robbe's and upsetting his stomach. His knew his lie was mediocre and his mom probably saw through it, but didn't say a thing. He was a teenager _and_ it was his birthday, he's allowed to have fun once in a while.

He was on his way to meet the boys for lunch when someone walked past him and bumped into him on the staircase.

''Sorry, I should watch where I’m going.’’

Caught off guard, Jens forced a smile, turning more genuine when seeing Lucas. His curly fringe was perfectly swept on the side and the color of his jacket matching his blue eyes.

“It’s cool. How was your weekend?'' Jens said, trying to stay smooth and chill.

He didn't know why, but Lucas's presence had the tendency to destabilize his confidence a bit.

Lucas shrugged. “It was good. I hadn't gone home since my dad and I moved here two weeks ago. It felt good to spend some time with my mom and see my friends. I really miss it sometimes...but then I run into you and it doesn’t seem so bad.”

He smirked and Jens' didn't know how to react. His stomach dropped, surprised, but not shocked. Was Lucas flirting with him _again_?

''I saw your stories, it seemed like you had a lot of fun at your party?''

“Yeah, it was great, but I got a wicked hangover that I’m still getting over.''

''Have sex.''

''Excuse me?''

''Sex is an excellent cure for hangover.''

Jens raised an eyebrow. ‘’Does it?’’ He paused, raising his gaze to meet Lucas’, clear blue irises looking right into his. ’’I’m gonna need a partner for that, though...’’

The brunet cocked an eyebrow, still holding Jens' stare, reading through the heavy subtext. They had entered a new level of flirting and neither were mad about it.

Lucas licked his lips slowly, making something in Jens' stomach flipped over at the gesture, and the Netherland boy took a step closer towards him, nearly closing all the space between them. Lucas opened his mouth, but before he could say - or do - anything, someone called Lucas’ name.

''Luc! Come on, man, we’re going to be late.''

''I gotta go. See you later, Jens,’’ Lucas said, readjusting the bag on his shoulder and winking before leaving.

.

**Tuesday, January 21st**

A knock on Jens' door woke him from his slumber. His first thought was that it was his sister joining him for the night, but Lotte _never_ knocked. Jens frowned. Slipping out from his covers, the teenager walked to the door, eyes barely open, still half-asleep.

The hallway light caused Jens to squint his eyes and hiss. He rubbed them with his palms, adjusting to the light. ''Mom?''

She was in her bathrobe, hair down from her usual bun, slightly messy due to her pillow. ''Sorry to wake you, honey,'' Fenna apologized in a hushed voice, cautious to not wake her sleeping daughter next door.

It was very unusual for his mom to wake him in the middle of the night - unless something was going on. Did she get an emergency call from work? Jens hadn't heard his father come home, did he get into an accident? His frown deepened, getting worried.

''What is it, Mom?''

Fenna sighed and looked down, the bags under her eyes appearing more prominent. ''Your dad is drunk. Can you help me take him to bed?'' He could sense the shame in her voice from having to ask her son for help with his drunk father.

Jens nodded, mentally shaking his head in disappointment.

He followed his mom down and walked into the living room, taking in the state of his inebriated father, passed out on the loveseat, shoes still on and jacket half off. Jens felt a burst of resentment towards his dad in that moment. How could he drink so much that his own son was having to drag him to his room so his little sister wouldn’t see her dad this way? How could he do that to his wife too? Doesn’t she work hard enough at the hospital? She doesn’t need to come home and have to deal with her drunk husband.

''I tried to get him to move, but he's being stubborn and-'' Fenna started to explain, a yawn interrupting her.

It was the first time it happened and Jens hoped it was the last - for his dad's own good. Coming home late and picking fights with his mom was one thing, coming home drunk was another.

''Go back to bed, Mom. I'll take care of this,'' Jens said, taking in the state his dad was in. He reeked of beer and whiskey.

Fenna refused. ''No. It shouldn't be your job to take care of your dad.''

‘’He’s just a dead weight. I'll manage.''

Her eyes shifted between her son and husband, feeling guilty for making Jens take care of Mohamed. He was a kid, it wasn’t his responsibility. But, she had already tried to get him upstairs and didn't succeed. All she did was get one half of his jacket off.

With one last look at her son, Fenna gave in. ''Alright. I'll go get his side of the bed ready. Just bring him upstairs, okay?''

Jens nodded and watched as his mom returned to the second floor, leaving him to deal with his dad. The teenager sighed, dreading the work to come.

''Dad?''

The man grumbled, half responsive. Jens didn't lose time trying to understand whatever he was trying to say and threw his dad's arm over his neck, getting him to sit up just enough to remove his jacket. Like he said, he was a dead weight which made the task a bit difficult.

''Can you stand?'' Jens asked, trying to not let his irritation show.

He helped his old man up, slinging one of his arms behind his neck and keeping one hand behind his dad's back as support. Mohamed felt heavy on Jens.

Mohamed mumbled something that Jens couldn’t understand.

“What did you say?”

“ I said, your mom hates me.” His voice was rough and slurred.

Jens sighed. “She doesn’t _hate_ you, but you need to start doing better. She can’t keep working these double shifts all the time, and you can’t be coming home drunk like that. It’s not fair to her, and it’s not fair to Lotte or me either. I shouldn't have to do this, Dad.” He wasn't trying to guilt-trip his dad, just talk some sense into him.

There was a long silence before Mohamed responded. “I’m trying, okay? But nobody wants to hire a 40 year old with minimal training.'' He scoffed before going into a coughing fit. ''Anyway, why am I even telling you this? You're just a teenager that has no idea what it means to support a family.”

Jens tried to not let his dad's words get to him. While he wasn’t a parent, he had been kind of forced to take over his dad’s responsibilities and play the head of the house for his family recently.

After a difficult struggle, Jens finally got his dad to his room and safely into bed. He wasn't so drunk he'd have to be watched over, but Jens took all the precautions - just in case. He put a pillow behind him so he'd stay on his side during the night and set a glass of water on the nightstand, right by his phone.

Jens gave Mohamed one last glance, his eyes darting to his sleeping mother. He wished that things could be different for her, that she didn’t have to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. She was a good mom and Jens knew she would do whatever it took to take care of her family, but he couldn't let her put her health in jeopardy.

With a heavy sigh, Jens quietly closed the door and returned to his own bed.

.

**Thursday, January 23rd**

''Hi,'' Amber said, interrupting Jens and Aaron's conversation, leaning in to kiss her boyfriend, lingering a bit too long - and with too much tongue - to be appropriate for school grounds. At least, in the middle of the main hall.

Jens rolled his eyes, tearing them away from the unwanted tongue battle in front of him. Seeing his annoyance, Jana saw this as an opening and smiled before going in for a kiss. Unlike Aaron, Jens dodged her lips and pulled out his phone, checking if he had any new messages.

He had seen her coming - of course he did -, but something inside him didn't want to kiss her. Especially when he was starting to feel something for a certain blue eyed boy.

Kissing at parties - or at home - was for fun, but kissing at school felt a bit too official for Jens' liking. No one kissed their Saturday hook up in the hallway between classes. He didn't want to give Jana the wrong idea and then hurt her feelings.

The brunette frowned, confused and hurt.

Jens could feel her sulking, but he didn’t say a thing, acting as if he wasn’t aware of what he did. Sometimes, playing dumb got you out of trouble.

Sulking, Jana pulled at her friend's arm, forcing their kiss to end. '' _Amber_.''

‘’What?’’ the blonde said, turning to Jana. ‘’Oh! Right. Change of plans. My parents are away this weekend so I’m celebrating my birthday a bit early. You’ll come?’’

‘’Sure babe, we’ll be there, right Jens?’’ Aaron nudged him, forcing the raven haired one to look up from his phone.

Jens faked a smile. ‘’Sure.’’

.

Jens pressed the doorbell and waited.

He had texted Moyo's guy earlier today and had been given an address to meet at. At first, the guy was skeptical, but Jens mentioned Moyo and everything was chill.

Dogs started barking at the doorbell noise and Jens' back straightened. A man told them to shut up - which they did -, and someone popped their head out, keeping the door mostly shut. He had a buzz cut, clean cut beard and the tattoo on his neck gave Jens the chills. 

Seeing a new face, the man glanced up and down at Jens and raised an expectant eyebrow, asking what he wanted.

''Erm, I've been given this address. I'm here to see...Michiel.''

If he had told Moyo the truth, he wouldn’t have given Jens his dealer’s number. While his intentions were good, dealing drugs - even just weed - was very unsafe. The risks of getting caught and consequences were higher than just smoking it. But, all Jens saw was a way to make a quick buck and help his family.

The guy disappeared inside for a few seconds, probably talking to his boss, and came back to let Jens inside.

Unlike the previous guy, this one was much shorter, but non the less intimidating. He had a thick gold chain around his neck and a scar above his eyebrow. ‘’You asked for me?’’

‘’I…’’

Jens felt like an idiot. He had always been a pretty confident person, but Michiel’s presence made him nervous - with good reason. Drug dealers weren’t the kind of people you want to mess with.

‘’If you want to buy, see one of my guys, Kid. I just make the big deals.’’ Michiel was around to turn his back and leave, but Jens spoke up.

‘’Actually, that’s what I’m here for. A friend referred me to you, saying you might have something for me. A _job_.’’

Michiel glanced at Jens up and down, just like the previous guy, and scoffed. ''I already have my guys.''

Under his grey hoodie, smooth skin and dangly earring, Jens was too clean for Michiel’s taste. He could _never_ pass as a pusher, he looked too young.

Seeing through his thoughts, Jens took another approach.

''Look at me. No one will suspect it. I...I can cover at school? Or even the skatepark? People there are _always_ looking for weed. I’m sure I could bring you good cash.’’

The man hesitated still. Teenagers weren't the most trustworthy pushers. Most would either use all the drug and run off. But, something was different about Jens. He had this insistence and self-motivation that got Michiel’s attention.

‘’I need fast cash. Give me a chance. I...I really need it,'' Jens almost begged. He tried to cover his emotions, not wanting to sound too desperate even though, in his head, he was on his knees. He needed this job _really_ bad.

Michiel’s silence got Jens scared he had blown his shot. ‘’You do have a pretty face,’’ he pointed out. ‘’Make sure I don't have to ruin it, okay?''

Jens nodded rapidly.

‘’You’re on trial. I’ll give you a couple grams and I need them sold as fast as possible. Give me a shout when you’re done.’’ Michiel paused. ‘’Don’t disappoint me, Kid.’’

.

**Friday, January 24th**

The bag of weed in his backpack felt heavy. Cert, there was more grams than Jens usually took to parties, but weed doesn’t weight much. It was more the pressure of having to sell it that made it heavy.

Being a smoker of green for over two years, it was his first time actually selling weed. He had sold some to guys at the skatepark, a gram or two, but he was never a pusher, as they called them. The term sounded dirty and wrong in his head. Jens knew it was something he shouldn’t be doing, but his parents needed money.

Robbe giggled at something Sander said, already a bit tipsy from the beers they drank at his place. He had hosted a pre-game, the first one since he moved back with his mom, and he didn’t slow down on the beers. At his boyfriend's behavior, Sander had kept it low with the alcohol, knowing he’ll be the one to carry Robbe home later and couldn’t do that if he was too intoxicated.

For the first time, Aaron hadn’t been present at the pre-game. Being the boyfriend of the birthday girl, he was already at the party, helping Amber and the girls with the decorations and all that.

Moyo pressed the doorbell, waiting for someone to open. They could hear the shitty pop music Amber loved from the doorstep. Sander grimaced at the music choice, Amber’s music taste being added to the list of things he didn’t like about her.

‘’I’m gonna....go see Kobe,’’ Jens announced, seeing him by the window with a couple guys from the skatepark. ‘’I’ll be right back.’’

Jens and Kobe weren’t friends. He had sold him weed once and shared a blunt behind some bushes at the skatepark one afternoon. What Jens knew was that the guy was always looking to buy weed, having no regular dealer, aka easy cash for Jens.

Moyo nodded, heading to the kitchen to look for Aaron with Robbe and Sander following behind, holding hands and walking close.

‘’ ‘Sup, man,’’ Kobe said as Jens approached them.

‘’Good, good,’’ Jens responded, responding to the brunet’s fist exchange.

‘’Long time no see.’’

‘’Yeah… Eh, I might have something for you.’’ Jens raised his eyebrows and motionned for Kobe to follow him.

Kobe nodded, a knowing smile on his lips, getting what Jens meant. He told his friends he was going with Jens for a few minutes, having something he wanted to tell him in private.

Jens almost snorted at Kobe’s lack of subtlety. This guy was worse than Aaron - if possible.

.

Half of his stock sold, thanks to Kobe and the guys they ran into on Amber’s balcony. Turned out selling weed wasn’t as difficult as Jens had initially thought. Being at a party was helping his sales, but it was relatively easy. People bought by chunks of two or three grams with promises of buying more next time Jens had some, not having a lot of cash on them.

Fiddling with the doors, Jens found himself in the bathroom, trying to hide from the outside world that sometimes got a bit too overwhelming. It’s not that he didn't like to party, he just hadn't been in the mood lately. There was a lot on his mind and, sometimes, he just couldn’t escape it.

‘’Hiding from someone?’’

The voice startled Jens, but when he saw who it was he just shrugged. ‘’I don’t feel like partying tonight, is all.’’

Lucas hummed. ‘’Mind if I join?’’ He reached into his jacket’s pocket and pulled out a slightly cooked joint. ‘’I have weed. Straight from Netherlands.’’

Who was Jens to refuse free weed. He shifted in the tub, making room for Lucas.

‘’I’ve been wanting to ask: why did you move here? I know your parents got divorce, but isn’t changing countries is a bit extreme?’’ He passed the joint to Lucas, head leaned back against the tiled wall, starting to feel the buzz.

Lucas smiled at the ceiling. ‘’Try telling my father that. If you ask me, he tried to take me away from my mom; if you ask him, he got a job offer he couldn’t refuse.’’ He took a drag and exhaled the smoke through his nose. ‘’I didn’t want to go, but according to the judge, he’s the one who can offer me a ‘better life’. So I had to go with him.’’

‘’Why would he take you away from your mom? Is she ill or something.’’

‘’Or something,’’ Lucas confirmed, not comfortable talking about this part of his life yet. He handed Jens the joint again.

‘’Left a girl at home?’’

Lucas snorted. ‘’A girl? Who said I’m into girls?’’

Jens shrugged, not knowing what to answer.

Lucas never explicitly said _who_ he was attracted to, why did Jens assume that he was straight? By default, maybe? Despite all the progress the LGBTQ+ community is making in society, history had a way of bleeding into our subconscious. So, unless someone showed a ‘behavior that defied the default’, they were classified as _straight_.

‘’I tried girls, but it wasn’t for me,’’ Lucas started. He shook his head, thinking back at his mistake. ‘’They’re pretty, but it wasn’t doing it for me, you know?’’

Jens nodded. A part of him understood what Lucas meant, but another didn’t. Unlike Lucas, Jens liked girls. Their long hair, sweet perfume, smooth skin - and _boobs_. But, more recently, he found himself looking at boys - one, in particular.

‘’I was in love with a boy - my best friend,’’ Lucas continued. ‘’He had a girlfriend, who was also my friend, and I fucked it all up.’’

‘’Your chances with him?’’ Jens tried.

‘’No. That was pretty much dead from the start,’’ Lucas explained with a chuckle. ‘’Our friendship, _their_ relationship.’’

‘’So, you’re a homewrecker?’’

Lucas gasped, kicking Jens’ leg playfully. Jens gave him a small grin.

‘’Hey what happened to sharing? You’re hogging the weed,’’ Jens pointed out, mildly annoyed.

''Come and get it,'' Lucas teased, pulling the joint at arm's length, away from Jens's reach. There was a challenging tone in his voice, almost _daring_ Jens to come closer.

A bit too intoxicated - and high - to think properly, Jens leaned over, hovering over Lucas as he tried to get a hold of the joint. Lucas laughed, moving the lit joint every time Jens was close to take it. Jens was getting frustrated, his reflexes slower than usual because of the marijuana.

Jens started laughed too, having difficulty holding himself up in the small tub. ''Stop it.''

Lucas continued his little game, their laughter caused Jens to lose balance and slip. Thankfully, he was able to grab at the tub's edge, preventing himself from crushing Lucas under - or cracking his skull.

''Sorry,'' Jens apologized.

He was about to raise himself back up, but stopped when he realized how dangerously close they were to each other, faces only a few inches apart. Jens's body stilled, breath catching in his throat as his heart rate started to pick up behind his chest. His dark eyes easily found Lucas's blue ones and Lucas stopped laughing. He stared back at Jens, taking in his sharp cheekbones and plump lips.

Jens made the first move, eyelids slowly fluttering shut as he closed the gap between them, pressing his lips on Lucas.

Undoubtedly, when Jens came to this party, he didn't have the intention of kissing Lucas in Amber's bathtub. But, one thing led to another and here he was, sitting back in the tub and kissing the new kid.

Sparks didn't fly when their lips touched, which was a bit disappointing. Or, maybe it did? The weed was confusing his senses.

Kissing a boy wasn't that much different than kissing girls, in the end. It was the same mechanics; lips on lips - and sometimes tongue. Lucas' lips were very soft for a boy. They tasted like weed and beer too, which Jens didn't mind. It was a nice change from the usual sweet and sticky feeling of glosses and lipsticks or whatever girls put on their lips.

A breathy moan left Lucas' lips as one of Jens' hands came up to cup his jaw, holding him in place as his tongue grazed over Lucas' mouth, teeth closing on his bottom lip and pulling. Jens' senses were buzzing and his mind was too far behind to function.

Lucas' free hand snaked behind Jens' neck, grasping at his thick, dark hair, giving it a slight tug, the single earring dangling as they kissed. Jens breathed a moan into the kiss at the feeling and Lucas smirked, content with himself, before doing it again.

_Fuck. How did he get here?_

Jens broke the kiss, needing to catch his breath and the brunet took advantage of the taller one's neck being exposed to trail his lips up and down the tanned skin. It will most likely leave marks behind, but Jens couldn’t be bothered to care. At the moment, it felt _really good_.

Jens cradled Lucas’ face in his hands, guiding him back up and brought their lips together again. This time, the kiss was softer and slower, savoring the feeling of those beautiful pouty lips he had wished to kiss for weeks.


	4. Chapter 4

**Saturday, January 25th**

Last night’s kiss had messed with Jens’ head - and feelings. Lucas was the first guy Jens had ever kissed, the first guy he’d ever had straddled like this, and he wanted more. So much _more_.

He hadn’t stopped thinking about the kiss since he left the party, since Lucas’ lips left his. The pressure of Lucas’ lips on his, plush and soft and _needy_ , the taste of weed lingering on his tongue, the small moans. It _haunted_ him.

It also confirmed that, maybe, he wasn’t straight as a stick.

If he closed his eyes, he could still feel the burning touch of Lucas's fingers on the small of his back, grazing his skin underneath his hoodie. Or his lips mouthing against his jaw and neck, fingers lost in each other's hair. Even the faint smell of his cologne was engraved into his head, mixed with an herbal hint from the joint they were smoking.

Jens breathed out, staring at his ceiling.

Someone cleared their throat and Jens glanced down, catching Jana standing in his doorway, wearing a green sweater and a beanie, looking a bit nervous.

Furrowing his eyebrows, Jens sat up, removing his headphones from his head. ‘’Hi?’’

‘’Hi,’’ Jana said, smiling tightly, walking in. ‘’Your sister let me in.’’

Jens nodded. Of course she did.

‘’What’s up?’’

‘’Just listening some music.’’ _And thinking about Lucas_.

She nodded, taking a seat on the end of Jens’ bed. ‘’Still into that rap stuff?’’

Jens smiled, remembering how much she _hated_ it every time he’d play any rap songs. Sometimes, he would even purposely play those songs to piss her off. She said their music was degrading toward girls and only talked about drugs, money and cars. While she wasn't all wrong, some songs had deeper subjects than naked chicks and smoking weed.

‘’Yep.’’

‘’Where were you last night? Aaron said you were there, but I didn’t see you. You didn’t even sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to Amber with us.’’

Despite the honesty rule between them, Jens didn’t feel like sharing his bathroom makeout session experience with Jana. For starters, it was none of her business. They weren't dating, Jens could kiss whoever he wanted - boys _and_ girls. And, he didn’t know if Lucas was out, if he _wanted_ to be out - hell, he didn’t even know if he was gay. He’d feel bad for accidentally outing someone.

‘’I...I was with Kobe. You remember Kobe from the skatepark?’’

It wasn’t completely a lie. He did see Kobe at the party...to sell him weed.

‘’Vaguely,’’ she responded, frowning a little.

‘’He owed me weed and we went outside to smoke to not stink up Amber’s house.’’

Jana gave him a look, unimpressed. ‘’Weed, again?’’

Jens rolled his eyes. _Here we go again…_

He didn't get why she was so against weed. She was the same when they were dating, making a whole case every time he’d smoke a joint with Robbe and Moyo. It’s not that big of a deal. Marijuana was even becoming _legal_ in some countries.

‘’If you’re here to lecture me on weed again-’’

‘’I’m not,’’ she cut. ‘’Did I do something?’’

Jens frowned, surprised. ‘’No. Why are you asking me that?’’

The brunette looked down, about to ask the dreaded question. ‘’You’ve been avoiding me at parties and at school, it’s like you don’t want me anymore. Did I do something wrong?’’

Her constant insecurity and constant need to make sure she was wanted or desired had always ticked Jens off. He liked the people he was with to be confident and sure of themselves, it’s one of the things that drew him to Lucas.

Sighing, Jens tried to keep his cool despite his growing annoyance. ‘’I’m just not in the mood, okay? Is it so impossible to accept that I don't feel like having sex all the time?’’ He didn’t want to come off as angry, trying his best to keep his chill with Jana, but he was just so annoyed by her unannounced presence that his temper was getting the best of him.

‘’We don't have to have sex all the time, it’s just-’’ She sighed, biting her bottom lip nervously. ‘’What are we, Jens?’’

‘’I don’t know, Jana…’’ he responded with honesty.

Where was this sudden desire for clarity coming from? Up until last week, she didn't seem to mind what they were. They made out in his room two weeks and she didn't pester him with questions while he his hand was down her underwear. Why the sudden urge?

She had a perfect timing too. As if Jens didn't have other things to do than think about his relationship status with Jana. Breaking news, he had other problems, more important ones, to take care of and she wasn’t the first thing on his mind.

‘’You don’t know? What do you mean?’’ she repeated, dumbfounded.

Jens sighed. ‘’Jana…’’

‘’What, Jens? It’s a pretty simple question: what are we?

‘’I have a lot on my mind right now, okay? I gave you time and space when you needed it, so please understand that.’’

‘’So what? You want me to leave?’’

‘’Actually, yeah. My parents are coming back soon and I’m not allowed to have guests over this weekend.’’

It was a lie and Jana knew it. Jens’ parents weren’t the kind of parents who had these kind of rules. They weren’t very strict. All the boys could be over and Fenna wouldn’t think twice about it.

Jana’s face hardened, aware that Jens was lying to her. Without saying anything else, she stood and left, stomping down the hall.

.

**Sunday, January 26th**

Hood covering his head, Jens skated along the sidewalk, on his way to the skatepark. His earbuds were in, rap music playing. He was meeting the boys there, the weather finally warming up enough to skate again.

The graffiti of Robbe’s face came in sight, meaning that he had almost arrived. Jens still couldn't believe his best friend's face was on a fucking brick wall. Sander was one of a kind.

The skatepark was practically empty, being that it was still early in the season. Jens stepped off his skateboard, about to pull out his phone to text the group chat when he spotted Lucas in the distance, at the top of a ramp, waiting to go down. He was talking to some guys, laughing at something one of them said.

Jens stopped in his tracks, stomach knotting.

He didn’t expect to see Lucas there - and wearing that pink sweatshirt. _Damn_ , he looked good.

For a second, Jens thought the distance and his pulled up hood wouldn’t give his presence away, but Lucas must have excellent eyesight because he quickly recognized him. The brunet told something to his friends before making his way over to Jens, skateboard in his left hand.

Fidgeting with the sleeves of his hoodie, Jens watched as Lucas got closer, every step he took causing a nervous feeling in his stomach. Why was he feeling this way? It was just Lucas, the boy he couldn’t stop thinking about.

Jens bit his lip when Lucas stopped and stood in front of him. The wind was blowing, causing his fringe to sweep on the side more than usual.

''Are we ever going to talk about what happened Friday night?'' Lucas asked, breaking the ice.

''Eh, what happened Friday night?''

Lucas pulled his eyebrows, shaking his head. ''You drunkenly kissed me in the bathroom at Amber's birthday party.''

Jens hesitated for a moment. Should he play the dumb card and act like he didn’t remember or face his actions and acknowledge what happened? That he kissed Lucas. While the first option sounded easier, the second was the rightest. Kissing Lucas hadn’t felt wrong, it felt...good. So fucking good.

''I wasn't _that_ drunk,'' Jens admitted, holding his breath, anxiously waiting for Lucas’ reaction. ‘’In fact, I barely drank that night.’’

Even though Lucas had kissed him back on Friday, it didn’t mean that he liked him back, that he had _feelings_ for him. The weed had clouded their mind and they let their teenage pulsions take control.

''So, did you mean to kiss me?''

Jens glanced down for a second. ''Yeah, I did. The alcohol just gave me the courage to do it.’’

Lucas’ lips curled into a grin, blue irises staring right into Jens’, before closing the space between them, capturing Jens’ lips into a kiss. The lump of stress in Jens' stomach dissipated as they kissed, turning into butterflies.

Slipping his tongue past Jens' plump lips, Lucas curled his arm that wasn't busy holding his skateboard behind Jens’ neck, pulling him down and closer and licking into his mouth. It was usually the other way around, but Jens didn't mind being kissed by Lucas - in fact, he liked it a _lot_. Lucas’ dominant and confident side triggered a new sensation in him.

Jens’ phone started vibrating in his pocket and he tried to ignore it, but it buzzed again and again and it was getting really annoying. Groaning, the dark haired one broke the kiss and fished his phone from his jeans, seeing messages coming from the group chat.

 **Moyo:** Just woke up, oops…

 **Moyo:** Are you all at the skatepark?

 **Robbe:** I’m almost there

 **Aaron:** Me too! I can see Robbe’s big face

 **Robbe:** At least my face is on a building...

Jens sighed, slipping his phone back in his pocket. ‘’My friend are going to be here soon,’’ he informed Lucas, disappointment transpiring through his voice.

Lucas pursed his lips into a pout, not ready to part yet, looking way too cute for his own good and making it difficult for Jens to leave.

Jens sighed, how could he resist that face? He leaned in and kissed that pout off Lucas’ lips.

‘’Wanna skate with us?’’

He hadn’t asked the boys, but surely they wouldn’t mind having a supplementary guest to their first skating session of the season. Plus, Robbe already knew Lucas from that time at the café.

‘’Race you to the ramps!’’ Lucas declared, dropping his skateboard on the ground and rolling away, Jens trailing behind.

.

**Monday, January 27th**

Jens removed his hoodie, pulling it over his head with Lucas' help, laughing as it got stuck to his head. He threw it on the floor, not caring where it landed, his room already a mess anyway, and Lucas met him in the middle, closing the distance, hungry and eager to taste Jens' lips again.

When Jens had first messaged Lucas to come over, he hadn't planned for things to escalate so fast. Okay, that was a half lie. He had _hoped_ it would lead there, but it wasn't his first intention nor the only reason he had invited Lucas. He genuinely wanted to spend time with him. _But_ , he wasn’t mad about this impromptu make out session. He would have had to be an idiot to not want to kiss someone as fucking hot as Lucas Van Der Heijden.

‘’When does your parents come home?’’ Lucas asked, lips touching Jens’ as he spoke.

‘’Mom’s at work until 10pm and my sister is at a friend’s house doing a school project.’’

‘’And your dad?’’

Jens paused, not knowing what to answer. Where was his dad? Mohamed wasn’t home when he arrived after school and there was no notes.

Sensing his inner struggle, Lucas cupped Jens’ face, guiding him back into a kiss, silently telling him ‘ _it doesn’t matter_ ’. Lucas’ touch was soft and tender, a perfect distraction from his worries. It could almost make him forget about _everything_.

A lover's touch is more powerful than you could imagine. Touching someone you have feelings for releases dopamine and serotonin, both of which can boost your mood and curb depression. It reduces anxiety and decreases your worries.

Aka, exactly what Jens needed right now.

Lucas’ slim hands slipped underneath the back of Jens’ shirt, causing the fabric to rid up and expose his warm skin, and dragged his nails down slowly, causing Jens to shudder with pleasure. A smug smile spread on Lucas’ face, content to see the effect he had on the tanned boy, and raised his hips, the growing erection in his jeans brushing Jens' and causing a moan to escape their lips.

They hadn't gotten further than kissing yet, but both bodies were _very_ responsive to the other's touch.

The bed creaked as Lucas moved to straddle him, one leg on each side of Jens' stomach. The air had become hotter in the room, but neither cared, too caught up into their own bubble of lips on lips and hands on skin.

It was a blessing that Lotte had a school project to work on tonight. If she had been home, Lucas wouldn’t have come over. Much like when Jana was here, Jens didn’t want his sister to know too much about his sexual life and relationships. Her pure and innocent mind didn’t need to know about this kind of stuff yet.

Jens' hand grabbed at Lucas' thigh, fingers digging into his pants fabric as their hips brushed together, creating friction in all the right places. Lucas moaned and grinded down.

‘’Do that again,’’ he breathed out, feeling his jeans tighten more and more.

Instead of listening to Lucas’ demand, Jens slowed down, ignoring his teenage hormones, and moved himself away from underneath him. A small whine came from the brunet, letting himself fall flat on the mattress, and Jens had to bite back a smile.

''Why are you so far away? Come here.'' He reached out with his hands in silent demand.

‘’You’re the one that moved away!’’ Lucas reminded, crawling over anyway.

Jens laughed, brushing his nose with Lucas at how close they were. He stole a quick kiss and looked back, taking in the moment. The house was quiet bare from their breathings, now returned to a slow and steady pace.

A small bruise was starting to form on the side of Lucas' neck, the delicate skin having been previously sucked and kissed by Jens. The latter reached out, touching the red-ish skin and Lucas hissed.

Immediately, Jens retracted his hand and felt bad. He hadn't meant to hurt him, just to leave a mark on lucas’ unflawed skin. Maybe he had gotten too carried away with the sucking?

''Does it hurt? Sorry.''

Lucas laughed. ''Got you.''

Jens narrowed his eyes and pinched Lucas’ side where his shirt was hiked up in revenge, causing him to squeal. ‘’Little shit.’’

The brunet giggled and swatting Jens' hand away.

Moments like this were something Jens missed. Just being together, fooling around and doing nothing. With Jana, they couldn't have a real conversation without arguing. She was always on the defensive or reproaching him things - and Jens was always horny.

‘’As much as I want this, I don’t want to rush it.’’

Lucas' hand was tracing shapes on Jens' arm, causing the hairs to raise at his touch.

''What? You want to wait for the 'perfect' moment?'' he said in a mocking tone.

Jens rolled his eyes. ''No.'' He sighed and bit his lip. ''I've never done this before...with a boy, at least.''

''Me neither.'' The brunet paused, playing with the hem of Jens’ sleeve. ‘’I mean. I’ve kissed boys. Just, it never went past kissing.’’ Lucas glanced down, unable to look at the other boy in the eyes. ‘’With girls either,’’ he admitted, his voice lower, sounding ashamed.

It was the first time Lucas had put his guard down since they met - fully down. They had talked before, in Amber’s bathroom, sharing little stories here and there, but Lucas was always shielding himself behind layers of confidence and cockyness, playing it cool. As if he was protecting himself from emotional harm.

This sudden trust warmed Jens’ heart. It was nice to know that Lucas felt comfortable enough to tell him something so vulnerable - especially so early in their relationship - not that they were anything concrete yet. He didn’t have to tell him this, confess something so personal and intimate, but he did.

''Hey.'' Jens' voice was soft and calm. ''It's okay, Luc. I don't- It doesn't matter to me,'' he said, trying to reassure him that he wouldn't use the information to make fun of him.

There was nothing wrong in being a virgin. Jens wasn't, but Lucas wasn't worth any less or less attractive to Jens' eyes because he hadn't done anything sexually with anyone. If anything, it made it more exciting and thrilling.

Getting uncomfortable with the turn of the conversation, Lucas used the tanned boy's distraction to sneak his hand on Jens’ thigh, itching higher and higher until Jens caught him and his intentions.

He took Lucas’ hand in his, stopping him from reaching anywhere near his crotch. ‘’Stop it.’’

Lucas shrugged, smug look on his face contradicting his innocent tone. ‘’I’m not doing anything…’’

.

**Wednesday, January 29th**

‘’Jens?’’

The teenager hummed, swatting the hand on his arm away.

 _A couple more minutes_.

''Jens,'' someone hissed, a bit louder.

Slowly, the raven haired boy stirred from his sleep, a bit confused. His eyes were half open, blinded by the harsh neon lights of the classroom. ‘’Uh?’’

Robbe glanced at Jens sideways, checking on his best friend. ''You were drooling on your textbook,'' he explained while messily writing notes in his notebook.

''Oh. Was I?'' Jens asked, stretching subtly over his desk.

The past nights have been very short for Jens. The nightly arguing between his parents hadn’t slowed down and things didn’t sound like they were going to be fixed anytime soon. Thankfully, his dad hadn’t come home drunk again. But, their loud, hushed voices still woke Lotte up and she had crawled in Jens’ bed every night this week. Although it flattered him that she felt safe with him, she was an agitated sleeper and the teenager needed his beauty sleep too.

Robbe nodded. ''Yeah. And, if the teacher catches you, she'll give you detention. I saved your ass.''

Jens pushed his head in his hands. ''Thanks, bro.''

''Everything okay?''

“ _No everything is not ok. My parents are fighting, Lotte is scared so she keeps crawling into my bed, Jana is up my ass about if we are together or not, and I hooked up with Lucas. You know, the new kid? I also started selling weed to help out my parents, want some?”_

Jens glanced at Robbe, hesitating. Should he tell him all of this? Robbe was his _best friend_ , he would understand, but Jens didn’t want to bother him with his problems. He had enough on his plate.

Flashing a smile and nodding was easier than explaining everything, so Jens did that. ''Yeah. I was up late studying for the Math test.''

The brunet’s eyes widen, panic spreading on his face. ‘’Shit. We have a Math test?’’

.

**Thursday, January 30th**

Secluded on an empty flight of stairs, the two teenagers were stealing kisses, making the most of their lunch hour. Lucas’ stomach rumbled, demanding for food, but they ignored it, too busy licking into each other’s mouth to open their lunches and eat.

Lucas bit Jens’ bottom lip, tugging and releasing it with a ‘pop’. ‘’It’s my mom’s weekend,’’ he announced, mood dropping a little. ‘’Which means…’’

Jens sighed. ‘’That you won’t be here this weekend.’’

‘’Yep.’’

Lucas took Jens’ hand in his, lacing their fingers together between them, causing a tingle to spread through Jens’ chest. Jens couldn’t remember the last time a simple touch had made him feel this way - but he hoped the feeling would never fade.

‘’I’m sorry it has to be that way. I wish we could spend the weekend together. I really do, it’s just-’’

‘’Hey, I get it. It’s okay,’’ Jens assured, using his free hand to play with Lucas’ hair, pushing his fringe away from his eyes.

Cert, he wasn’t happy that Lucas was going away for the weekend, but Jens didn’t want him to feel guilty about seeing his _mom_. It would be ridiculous. Jens didn't want to be the controlling boyfriend who dictated to their partner what they can and cannot do.

‘’Yes, it sucks that you have to go and I’ll most likely miss you, but I’m not going to ask you to stay. She’s your mom, not seeing you every day anymore must be difficult for her.’’

Lucas cocked an eyebrow, looking smug. ‘’You’ll miss me?’’

Jens rolled his eyes. ‘’Yeah…’’ he admitted shyly. ‘’Is that all you picked up from what I said?’’

Lucas hummed and leaned in, about to kiss Jens, but their lips didn’t have time to meet because Aaron appeared up the stairs, loud as always.

“Hey guys, what’s up?’’ He clapped Jens on the shoulder breaking the moment between them. ”Robbe and Moyo are already waiting for us in the cafeteria. Oh man, have I got the _best_ idea for our next video.’’ Aaron glanced at Lucas. ‘’Lucas, do you want to join us for lunch? Maybe you could even help? I was thinking-”

“Bro, slow down with the verbal vomit. How about we wait to discuss your ‘idea’ with the guys?” Jens said, glaring at Aaron for interrupting.

“Thanks for the invite, but I have a history test right after lunch that I need to study for. Maybe another time?”

“Cool man, no problem. See ya around,” Aaron said, oblivious to the physical contact that had just happened between Jens and Lucas.

Lucas grabbed his greige backpack from the floor and walked away, giving Jens a devious wink and all the raven haired boy wanted to do was run after him.

.

Jens had sold the rest of the weed this morning. A guy from Friday’s party had contacted him and took _all_ Jens had left with a demand to contact him when he’ll have more. Bless him.

‘’You did good, Kid,’’ Michiel stated, counting the money Jens had handed him, making sure it was the right amount.

Jens flashed him a small smile but stayed silent, still intimidated by Michiel.

Unlike last Thursday, Michiel had invited in further inside the building. They were in a small room with a couch and a set of table and chairs - probably where Michiel made his deals. Framed posters of Marijuana leaves and cars were on the walls, giving the place a classic movie vibe.

‘’Count is right?’’ Jens asked.

Michiel nodded. ‘’Still interested in a job? I might have something for you.’’

The man stood and went to the backroom behind the thick curtain and returned with a black package. He set it on the table and slid it in Jens’ direction. ‘’One of my guys got caught over the weekend and I need someone covering your school’s ground. I’m sure you won’t have trouble finding buyers. Kids your age are always looking for these ones.’’

Jens opened the top and frowned, seeing Xanax, Fentanyl, Ecstasy and more colorful pills separated into baggies. He shook his head. ‘’I never agreed to this. I said just weed-’’

Michiel scoffed. ‘’You ask for quick money. This is what I have to offer. If you don’t want it-’’

‘’I’ll do it.’’

.

**Friday, January 31st**

The snow was almost all melted in the neighborhood, which meant that Spring was on its way. Jens couldn’t wait to ditch his jacket in a couple weeks and feel the sun on his skin.

His phone buzzed in his hands, a new message from Moyo appearing on his screen. Jens had missed a part of the conversation when he was in the bus, but apparently, Moyo had found a new girl to obsess over and, to quote him ‘she was hot as fuck’.

 **Moyo:** She’s fucking hot. Did you see her BOOBS?! 😍

 **Robbe:** Wipe your mouth.You’re drooling, man

 **Moyo:** You can’t get it, Robbe…

Jens rolled his eyes at his friends. Moyo was getting just as bad as Aaron. Desperation and gushing about girls’ physique wasn’t going to get him laid though - even if he really needed it.

 **Aaron:** Can you get beers? 🍻

 **Moyo:** I’m already bringing the weed…

 **Moyo:** Jens? Is it your turn? 🍻🍻

 **Jens:** Yeah, yeah. I'm on it

 **Aaron:** Is Sander coming?

Jens pulled out his keys, about to unlock the door when a yellow piece of paper was taped on the front door caught his eye. Furrowing his eyebrows, he removed it and read the notice.

 _Fuck._ This was _not_ good.

.

His eyes glanced at the time on the clock, impatiently waiting for his mom to arrive from work. He could've called her, but Jens prefered to tell her the bad news face to face.

Her shift had ended half an hour ago, but she was picking up Lotte at school. She should be here soon.

Jens would've never thought they would end up here. He had stayed optimistic. He told himself that it was just a rough patch and they would make it through. But, seeing the eviction notice on the door made him realise the gravity of his family’s situation and woke doubts that, maybe, things wouldn't be okay.

The rumble of a car was heard from the driveway and Jens tensed, dreading the conversation to come. He knew it would break his mom's heart and aggravate her stress, but he couldn't just rip the paper and never tell her. The engine was cut outside and followed by the front door opening and Lotte’s voice echoing.

“-and my teacher said I was the best in the class. She was really proud of how hard I’ve been working.”

“That’s amazing sweetheart. I’m so proud of you,” Fenna said from the living room, closing the door behind.

“I’m proud of you too.” Jens said from the doorway of the kitchen.

Lotte giggled, she ran up to him and gave him her biggest hug. “Do you even know what we were talking about?”

“No, but I’m proud of you just the same.” Jens ruffled her hair and she wiggled away from his hold. “Lotte, can you give me a minute with Mom? I need to talk to her alone for a bit.”

‘’Did you get in trouble at school?’’ she asked in a whisper.

Jens gave her a tight lipped smile. ‘’Something like that…’’

He watched as Lotte removed her boots and jacket and went upstairs.

‘’Mom?’’

Fenna glanced at her son, bright smile on her face. Jens could tell she had had a good day, she seemed happier than she had been in weeks. He felt horrible because he knew that the little piece of paper in his hands was about to shatter her good mood.

‘’What is it?’’

‘’Erm, this was on the door when I came home.’’ Jens handed her the yellow paper and watch his mother’s features pull, confusedly taking the document from her son. He watched as she read, her face changing and falling.

Fenna sat down on the couch and clutched the eviction notice in her hand. She sat for what felt like forever before speaking. “I’m sorry you had to see that.’’

‘’What are we going to do, Mom? This is big. We...we could _lose_ the house, we-’’

‘’I’ll take care of it.’’

Jens shook his head and went to sit next to her. “How? You’re already overworking yourself at the hospital. You can’t do more.’’

‘’I’ll go ask for a loan at the bank. I-I’ll figure it out.’’ She forced a smile at her son, trying to reassure him - or herself. ‘’I always do.’’

‘’You need to tell Dad about this.’’ Fenna shook her head, but Jens insisted. ‘’ _Mom_.’’

'' _Jens_ ,’’ the woman countered on a firmer tone. She sighed, overwhelmed by the direction her life had taken.

One month ago, they were a happy, typical, middle class family living easily. They ate take out every Thursdays, have game nights together and go to the movies every other Sunday with their daughter. And now, Mohamed had lost his job, Fenna was chaining double shifts at the hospital and the bills were piling up.

Sensing his mother’s inner turmoil, Jens pulled her into a hug. It wouldn't solve their problems, but hopefully it would at least show her his love and support. She hugged him back, tightly holding on to her son.

''Please, let me take care of this my way. I'll tell your dad when he's ready to hear it.''

Jens scoffed, shaking his head before heading upstairs. He didn’t agree with his mom’s reasoning, but didn’t feel like arguing with her any more. It would serve nothing.

Once in his room, Jens locked the door and checked the knob to make sure it was locked. He walked over to the drawer where he had stashed the money and the pills, and opened it.

He had no choice now, did he? 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay... It's finally up, now. 
> 
> Don't forget to comment and leave kudos!!

**ay, February 2nd**

Choosing a vlog idea for Valentine’s Day hadn’t been easy. Aaron wanted to do a couple challenge - Amber and him versus Robbe and Sander -, but Robbe didn't want to introduce Sander in a stupid vlog where Aaron would be eating Amber’s face in the background. Jens had backed him on that; Sander deserved a better introduction to the vlogs.

Instead, they decided to do the whisper challenge with cringy pick-up lines.

Thankfully, it turned out to be a _good_ idea - and wouldn’t take too long to edit. Only ten minutes into filming and Robbe was dying laughing at the incorrect line Aaron had guessed.

Moyo sat on the chair facing Robbe for the third round, headphones covering his ears and loud music playing to make sure he couldn’t hear a thing. The brunet made a disapproving face as he read the line. This one was _bad_.

‘’Wanna sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?’’

Moyo frowned, getting none of the words. Robbe had to repeat - which made the whole thing funnier.

‘’You used that one on Sander, Robbe?’’ Aaron asked, laughing at his own joke.

Robbe shook his head, blush creeping on his cheeks and ears. ‘’Shut up,’’ he hissed.

Jens snorted, coming to his best friend’s rescue. ‘’And you? How many of those have you used on girls?’’

The curly haired one gaped and flipped them off.

‘’Erm, can you repeat again?’’ Moyo requested, frowning.

Robbe groaned. ‘’Are you serious?!’’

As much as hanging out with the boys and filming a vlog was, Jens’ mind couldn’t help but wander to Lucas. He had posted a picture of himself and his friend Isa this morning, eating chips at 11am. His eyes were bright and he had the biggest smile.

Jens missed him...like a _lot_. And it had only been two days.

Lucas' big smile flashed behind his eyes, dimples on his cheeks. And, how could he forget that permanent smug look? Every time his lips would twist into a smile, it made Jens' stomach flutter. He couldn't _not_ reciprocate the smile.

God, he was so _whipped_ for that boy.

Pulling out his phone, Jens opened up Lucas’ chat. They had exchanged numbers before he left for Utrecht, which was more convenient than talking through Instagram DMs. They spent the majority of last night texting, filling the chat with tons of hearts and other emojis.

 **Jens:** See you tonight 💜

Jens smiled to himself, looking forward to pick up Lucas from the train station. Being Sunday - aka, a school night -, Lucas wasn’t allowed to be out past 10pm. His train was set to arrive at the Antwerp station at 9:30 which left them only thirty minutes before Lucas’ curfew. Just enough time to walk him home - and steal a few kisses.

‘’Jens!’’ one of the boys called, pulling him out of his thoughts. The latter looked up from his phone. ‘’It’s your turn,’’ Moyo said, nodding at the hot seat waiting for him.

‘’Yeah, yeah. I’m coming.’’ He slipped his phone back into his hoodie and stood, joining Robbe on set and getting ready to kick Aaron’s ass in this challenge.

.

Biting his lip, Jens checked his phone for the seventh time in the past minute, impatiently waiting for Lucas to arrive. His train had left Utrecht at 7:30 which meant he should be here soon. Like, _very_ soon.

A new train arrived, but it wasn't Lucas'.

Jens sighed. What was taking him so long? He checked the time again, only two minutes having passed since he last did.

Time seemed to pass impossibly slowly since he got to the train station. It felt longer waiting for the beautiful Dutch boy to arrive than waiting in line at the movies on a rainy day. Maybe it was the anticipation that made time pass slower? Or the fact that Jens was by himself with nothing to distract himself other than watching people go in and out of train waggons.

After what seemed like forever, he finally spotted Lucas through the small crowd exiting the newly arrived train. Jens' heart rate started to pick up. He felt like a school girl seeing her crush to pass the hall.

Swaying on the ball of his feet, Jens watched as Lucas snaked through the crowd, trying to make it to him as fast as possible. Some lady was blocking the way with her suitcase and a wailing kid and his mom almost bumped into Lucas, but the latter only had eyes for Jens.

Once they were facing each other, standing a few inches away, awkwardness settled and both boys froze, not knowing what to do.

''Hi,'' Lucas said, breaking the ice.

Without saying anything, Jens stepped forward and smacked their lips together, finally reunited. Lucas wrapped his arms around Jens' neck in return, giving his all into the kiss.

''Hi,'' Jens returned, chuckling. He went in for a quick peck, making Lucas smile.

''My train was delayed a couple minutes. Two idiots were fighting in my wagon and they had to call security and get them out. It was...entertaining,'' Lucas explained. ''Something about a stolen snack.''

Jens laughed, shaking his head. ''People are nuts.''

‘’Shall we get going? My train was late, I wouldn’t want my dad to get worried and start looking for me.’’

Jens nodded. ‘’Sure.’’

They were about to leave the train station when Jens realized something seemed familiar about Lucas’ hoodie.

He stepped back, a frown creasing on his forehead, holding Lucas at arm's length. ‘’Is that _my_ hoodie?’’

Jens had been looking for that specific hoodie all week - his _favorite_ hoodie. He had even searched his room and asked the boys if he had left it at one of their houses, but it was nowhere to be found. Now, it explains why.

‘’Perhaps…’’

The raven haired boy gave him a look and Lucas grinned. ''Little thief.''

''I needed a piece of you so I wouldn't miss you all weekend.''

''For real?''

''No, I was just cold.''

Jens rolled his eyes, fighting a smile, and wrapped his arms around Lucas, pulling him into a hug. A dry sense of humor and sarcasm wasn't something Jens though he'd ever need/seek in a partner, but Lucas never failed to make him smile or laugh.

A sudden wind blew over them and Jens felt Lucas shiver. _That’s what you get for only wearing a hoodie in late February evening_. Lucas slipped his cold hands off Jens’ shoulder to hide them in his hoodie’s front pocket, pulling the raven haired one closer. Jens heart began to swell, he could stay here all night just holding this beautiful boy. Lucas shivered again and he tightened his hold, trying to share body warmth with the underdressed Dutch boy.

“Come on, let’s get going before you freeze to death.”

.

**Monday, February 3rd**

Fuck. This conversation was going to blow.

But, Jens couldn’t see himself going forward without it. He couldn’t keep Jana waiting for nothing. He had to talk to her and clear the air, let her know that no matter what he would always care for her, but it was over between them.

He had sent Jana a message after lunch, asking to meet him at the café they used to go after school. With all the familial mess at home, Jens didn't want to invite her over. He also didn’t want to risk her getting the wrong idea.

Sometimes, Jana had difficulty taking him seriously. Jens was worried Jana wouldn't believe him when he'll say it's over, so maybe a public, neutral ground would make things more official - more final. She pictured him as the guy who always joked around and never took anything seriously - which she couldn't be more wrong about.

Jens arrived first and got a table towards the back of the cafe, worried she'd make a scene when he'd drop the bomb. With Jana, you could never guess her reaction. She was unpredictable.

‘’You’re _dumping_ me.’’

Her face fell the second she realized why he had invited her here, confusion and disbelief washing on her face.

‘’We said we were seeing where it’ll go, not that we were back together,’’ Jens reminded her, correcting her words slightly. Alas, it didn’t calm her mood. ‘’Look, Jana, I still care and love you, but I can’t keep kissing you when there’s someone else on my mind. It’s unfair and disrespectful for everyone.’’

The last time Jens had kissed Jana, a pair of blue eyes and a dimpled grin kept flashing behind his eyes and he just couldn’t do it. He and Lucas hadn’t even kissed yet! Now that they had, Jens could never bring himself to kiss someone else - not with Lucas in his life.

Jana knitted her eyebrows. ‘’Someone else?’’ she repeated, a hint of jealousy and bitterness on her tongue.

Eyes down, Jens nodded. ‘’I…yeah, there’s someone else and I can’t do that. I don’t want to fuck it up between us like I did with Britt and you.’’

The brunette scoffed, jumping to conclusion. ‘’So, you led me on?’’

‘’No!’’

Like always, she wasn’t listening to him and twisted his words, accusing of things he didn’t do.

Jens sighed. ‘’I thought that timing and lack of trust was what drifted us apart in the first place, that growing up apart would do us good. But, I don't think it’s only that. I don't think it's ever going to work. Us. I...I think now is time for closure. _Final_ closure.’’

The brunette looked surprised at his words. _Final closure_. She tried to search for a sign that Jens wasn’t serious, but couldn’t find any.

‘’Wow. So, this is it? You used me and now-’’

‘’You _knew_ what you got yourself into when we started hooking up again. Don’t make me the bad guy here, Jana. We said we were _open_ , not exclusive. I was _allowed_ to look elsewhere, you can’t be mad at me for that. You were too.’’

‘’But, I didn’t! I thought...I thought there was hope for us.’’ Tears welled up in her eyes, threatening to spill over.

 _Fuck_. Jens didn’t mean to make her cry. He knew this conversation would hurt her emotionally, but not that she’d cry.

Jens’ lips pursed into a thin smile. ‘’I thought so too...’’

At this moment, Jana had to be thinking that Jens had been lying when he said that he wanted to try again, to give their relationship a second chance, but he wasn’t. He genuinely was interested in getting back with her at the time.

‘’But, then-’’ Jens stopped himself before he said too much. He couldn’t drag Lucas into this. Cert, he was indirectly concerned, but there wasn’t any purpose nor need to mention him.

Jana raised an eyebrow, waiting expectantly.

He gave her one last apologetic look before standing up and grabbing his bag and jacket. ‘’I’m sorry, Jana.’’

.

What a better time to have a conversation than 11pm? It’s not like their kids couldn't hear them upstairs. Jens couldn’t hear all they were saying, but he could hear a good chunk.

From what he had understood, his parents were talking about the eviction notice. Given the tone of their voices, it wasn’t going smoothly.

‘’You need to find a job, Mohamed. It’s not an option anymore.’’

‘’Easier said than done… It’s not easy to find a job in advertising now.”

‘’I can’t take care of the bills all by myself. Not with my salary.’’

Jens groaned, hiding his head underneath his pillow. He was tired of this. A part of him was glad his mom had told his dad about the eviction notice, but was 11pm on a Monday the best time to discuss this? Probably not.

figured Lucas was probably asleep, being a Monday night.

 **Jens:** Miss you. Wish you were here 💜

try going back to sleep when he heard a buzzing noise on his nightstand.

 **Lucas:** You okay? 🤔

 **Lucas:** Miss you too 💞

 **Jens:** Yeah. I’m just not sleepy

It wasn’t quite the truth. Jens was sleepy, but with his parents arguing downstairs, it was impossible to go back to sleep. At least, not until their voices had lowered.

 **Jens** : Was your dad cool with you being a little late last night? I just couldn’t stop kissing you

 **Lucas:** Not at first, but I told him about the argument in the train and he was kinda okay with it. I can tell that he wishes I didn’t have to go over there at all if he had his way...

 **Jens:** I’m sorry, Luc 😕

 **Lucas:** Don't be. My dad...he's my dad, you know? It's like he has a grudge against my mom or something

 **Jens:** Or something, uh?

 **Lucas:** Yeah...

 **Lucas:** She's not well, sort of. I mean, she's doing okay! She's not dying or anything, it's...she's schizophrenic. And, according to my dad, she's the devil incarnate

As sad as it was, it was common for people to demonize others who are diagnosed with a mental illness of any sort. It's also common to demand divorce and completely cutting ties with them, after a diagnostic, which must've been the case for Lucas' parents. Close minded people don't want to deal with 'crazies', regardless of how long they've been together and their baggage they've created, assuming their relationship will turn into a babysitting job.

 **Jens:** I'm sure she is lovely

 **Lucas:** She is. Sometimes, she's a bit much to handle, but isn't everyone?

Jens smiled.

His parents' voices caught the teenager's attention again, causing him to forget about Lucas for a minute and listen to their conversation.

“The notice said that if we can’t pay within the next 30 days, they will put a lock on the door. They will take our furniture, appliances, valued goods - _everything_. We can't do that to the kids.” Fenna paused. ‘’We promised ourselves to give the kids the best life they deserve…’’

‘’I know…’’

“Find a job in another field, then! It doesn't have to be in the advertising field.’’

''So you want me to _flip burgers_? Lower myself to the job of a teenager?”

''Temporarily, yes. We have to do what’s necessary in order to keep our home, Mohamed. Even if in involves getting a crappy job.''

A repeated buzzing noise brought Jens’s attention back to his phone where three messages from Lucas were waiting to be opened.

 **Lucas:** Jens?

 **Lucas:** Still awake? I think I'm going to crash soon 😴

 **Lucas:** I'm here if you want to talk, okay?

Fingers hovering over his keyboard, Jens hesitated. He typed a quick explanation, telling Lucas that his parents were struggling with money, constantly arguing and even the eviction notice, but decided against it, deleting the whole message. Lucas had family problems of his own, he didn't want to pile his own on top.

 **Jens:** Noted

 **Lucas:** We're still on for studying tomorrow?

 **Jens** : Since when do you care about my academics?

 **Lucas:** Since I heard about you falling asleep in class 😴

 **Jens** : 😑

 **Jens:** That would be great. But we don’t have to study the whole time, do we? 😏

 **Lucas:** Try getting some sleep? I’ll see you in the morning 😘

.

**Tuesday, February 4th**

Jens had sent Kobe and a few other guys a message the day before, telling them to meet him in the boys bathroom during lunch period, saying that he had more stock if they were interested. He wanted to keep his little selling hush-hush, not wanting to risk his name and little business to be dropped on the headmaster's desk - or worse, his parents.

His backpack felt heavier when Jens walked past the school gates this morning, well aware that he had drugs and weed in it. Hopefully, no one would be able to smell the latter.

It was past noon when Kobe showed up at their planned meeting spot. Only, the skateboarder wasn't alone.

“Shit, man, I told you to keep it on the DL? What the fuck!?”

Jens could have wrung Kobe's neck right then and there. Bringing one friend was passable, but _three_? They added risks of being snitched and Jens didn't like it. He didn’t know these guys personally, how can he know they won’t tell on him?

Kobe shrugged, not getting why Jens was upset. “When you sent the message I was with Liam and the guys. They saw the message and wanted in. What’s the big deal?”

“Because, if we get caught, it's _my_ ass on the line,’’ Jens reminded him.

Processing weed on the school’s property could land you in big trouble. For juveniles - under eighteen -, the fine is a maximum of 230€ for a first offense. A second offense carries a fine of up to 500€ and/or a maximum commitment of 10 days in a juvenile detention facility. Same goes for possessing prescription drugs (ex: Xanax) without a prescription can also lead to a drug possession charge.

Needless to say, Jens - nor his parents - didn’t need to be dealing with that kind of trouble.

The brunet sighed, getting impatient. “Whatever. Do you have it or not?”

Jens nodded, slipping his backpack off his shoulder, about to unzip it and dive in. “Yeah, I got it. I also have some new stuff as well - if anyone is interested?”

One of Kobe’s friends raised an eyebrow, silently asking what ‘new stuff’ Jens was talking about, interested.

.

“When was the Cuban Missile Crisis that nearly led to a nuclear war?’’

‘’Uhm? I don’t know.” Jens said, getting frustrated with himself.

His brain was going to explode with the overwhelming amount of information Lucas was trying to drill into his brain. He sucked at History, but graduation was in a couple months and Jens _needed_ to pass the subject. Therefore, studying was on the menu.

While the raven haired one wanted to shove all the textbooks on the floor and pull Lucas over on his lap, he _needed_ to study. He and Lucas had been studying, both noses in their textbooks for an hour and asking each other questions back and forth.

Reading through Jens’ blank stare, Lucas tried to give him a little hint. ‘’I’m sure you remember this. It’s set during the Cold War.’’

Jens shrugged his shoulders, clueless.

Lucas let out a sigh. “It’s 1962. Okay, next question. In which year did the Tet Offensive take place?”

The teacher had talked about the Vietnam War last week, Jens recalled. But, he couldn’t remember.

“1960?”

The brunet shook his head. “Close though!’’ he encouraged. ‘’Come on Jens, if you can answer this question we will take a break,” Lucas said coyly.

‘’1963?’’

“It was 1968.’’

Jens sighed, defeated and discouraged. ‘’I told you I sucked at History…’’

‘’At least you tried something. And, you were close.’’ Lucas nudged Jens’ knee with his foot. ‘’I’d say it’s half a win.’’

''Enough studying,'' Jens declared, tossing aside his textbook and crawling on the bed until he reached Lucas.

Cocking an eyebrow, a smug smile bloomed on the brunet's face. He grasped Jens by the front of his red sweatshirt and drew him close enough to press their lips together. The latter eagerly kissed back, moving more comfortably over Lucas. He cupped his jaw, supporting himself with his other hand, and parted Lucas' lips with his tongue, teasing and tasting him.

After almost two weeks of kissing, the feeling hadn't subsided. Lucas’ lips still sent a buzzing feeling to Jens' stomach every time they kissed, something only he had been able to trigger.

The atmosphere in the room had shifted from subtle flirting to a desire to cross that unnamed line into something more. Something that would kick his rule to 'take things slow' out the window.

Feeling too hot, Jens broke the kiss and sat back, peeling off his sweatshirt and dropping it on the floor, a textbook following down with a small thud, leaving him in his thin tee shirt. He took a breath and looked ahead, catching the ravenous look in Lucas’ eyes, stomach tightening with anticipation from that intense look.

Unlike his previous relationships, Jens wanted to do things _right_ this time. Messing up was so easy - look at his relationship with Britt or Jana -, but he couldn't let it happen. He couldn’t keep acting so selfishly and focusing on what _he_ wanted. He had to listen and be more thoughtful. He liked this boy - a lot, even. It would really suck to fuck it up.

Instead of going back to their original position, Lucas grabbed onto Jens’ shoulders, clambering on top of him and guiding him down until his back touched the mattress, but Jens hissed, feeling a pen digging into his lower back. _That’s what you get for making out during a study session…_ Lucas laughed as Jens reached under to toss it out of the away.

Aligning his body with Jens’, Lucas attached his lips to his neck, kissing and nipping at the tan skin the way he knew the raven haired boy liked it, causing pleased little gasps to leave his lips. Jens’ hands moved up Lucas’ thighs and higher.

Pausing, Lucas glanced at the dangly hoop on Jens' ear.

He cocked an eyebrow and smirked. ''Cute,'' Lucas pointed, taking Jens' ear lobe in between his teeth and gaving a soft but forceful nibble.

''Like it?''

Lucas hummed as he ran his hands over Jens’ stomach, making the latter’s skin burn with desire as Lucas lifted the edges of Jens tee shirt, caressing the tanned skin above the waistband, fingers brushing over Jens' softly defined abs.

Lucas hadn't gotten this far with anyone. He had a couple opportunities with girls, but, every time, the Dutch boy had to put an end to it before it got really awkward and she noticed he had erectile dysfunctions. With Jens, getting blood to rush south wasn't much of an issue. On the contrary. He didn't even have to think; his body reacted to Jens', pushing back into his own instinctively.

Jens’ hands were on Lucas’ hips, body arching up as the brunet grinded down, keeping an unspoken no-distance policy between them. His erection was straining against the zipper of his jeans, becoming really uncomfortable and tight. He could feel Lucas’ too, but Jens didn't say anything.

Breaking from him, Lucas pulled off his own sweatshirt, leaving him shirtless. Jens grinned, kissing up his chest and making Lucas’ breath hitch.

''Wait, Jens. I never...''

He bit his lip, looking down and nervous, but Jens shook his head, kissing Lucas' lips, soft and understanding.

''Don’t worry. Just...do as you feel, okay?''

Lucas nodded and exchanged places with Jens, going back to where he previously laid against the pillows. Jens wanted to make this enjoyable for him. _No stress_ , like he said. But, deep down, he hoped his own experience in the receiving end would be enough to make this pleasing for Lucas.

His own relief would have to wait.

The rest of their clothes soon joined Jens’ red sweatshirt on the floor, jeans and socks piling up on the hardwood, leaving the boys in their boxers.

Lucas gulped, feeling nervous, but the feeling was quickly gone and replaced by a new kind of bliss. His head fell back against the pillows when he felt Jens’ fingers around him. It was the first time anyone - other than himself in his own bed - had touched him like this, underneath his boxers and-

‘’ _Fuck_.’’

He pushed into Jens’ skilled hand for more, _demanding_ _more_ , but Jens had other plans and slipped his hand out.

Frowning, Lucas looked down, confused and disappointed. ‘’Wh- why did you stop?’’ he asked, trying to catch his breath.

His question went unanswered as Jens yanked down his boxers, locking eyes with him before diving down and taking his cock into his mouth, watching as it disappeared past his full lips.

‘’Shit, shit, _shit_.’’

.

**Wednesday, February 5th**

Moyo tugged at Jens’ collar, exposing a fresh looking bruise at the base of his neck along with a couple smaller, lighter ones. ‘’Wow. Was this Jana? I don't remember her marking you like that before.’’

He swatted Moyo’ hand away, not wanting to be exposed in the middle of the cafeteria ‘’It’s not her.’’

The boys frowned, not up to date with the most recent Jana news. Jens had forgotten to tell them about their final break up, being too busy having Lucas’ tongue in his mouth to send them an update text.

Moyo raised his eyebrows, smug smile on his lips. ‘’Ohh! New conquest?’’

‘’On a _Tuesday_?’’ Aaron asked, still frowning. ‘’How can you pick up chicks _and_ score on a Tuesday?’’

‘’Have you seen this face?’’ Jens said confidently, pursing his lips into a seductive pout. ‘’No one can resist it.’’

A snort left Moyo’s lips, shaking his head at his two friends’ banter.

‘’Who is it, then?’’ Aaron looked around the cafeteria, trying to find guess who was the hot girl that got in his friend's pants last night. ‘’Is it Marie from second year? The blond one?’’

‘’No.’’

‘’Erm...is it Estelle? She has a french accent.’’

Jens shook his head.

He had to bite his tongue and hold his smile, knowing that there was no way Aaron would guess right. Cert, Jens had introduced Lucas to the boys last weekend, but he never left any clues that would make them suspect he was seeing Lucas.

‘’Lena?’’

Robbe arrived, taking a seat before Moyo and putting an end to Aaron’s guessing game. He fist-bumped all the boys before opening his backpack and pulling out his lunch.

“So what is Aaron getting all excited about?”

“All of the _love_ marks on Jens neck.” Moyo blurted out. ‘’Did you see this?’’

Jens let out a sigh. Damn why did his friends have to be so nosy? They’re worse than gossiping girls.

Robbe stared, wide-eyed. “Seriously?! Are you and Jana official again?”

“No! Moyo already asked, it's someone new and I’m trying to figure it out.” Aaron explained, getting Robbe up to date.

Robbe glanced at Jens, raising an eyebrow. “A new girl?’’ he cooed and Jens rolled his eyes. Robbe was no better than Aaron and Moyo sometimes…

''Looks like you have some competition over here,'' Moyo told Robbe, teasing about all the hickeys they've previously seen on him since he and Sander got together. ''Who can get the most hickeys.''

''Hey! Why am I kicked out of the competition?'' Aaron demanded, stuffing a piece of muffin in his mouth.

''Because you and Amber don't do hickeys,'' Moyo pointed.

''How do you know?'' Aaron countered.

''Because you don't have any, and she doesn't either. Clearly, we would've seen.''

Aaron groaned. ''I can't do them if I don’t know how...''

‘’Google, bro. Use it. We’re not going to share our tricks with you to use on Amber. She's gonna give you all the credits.’’

Aaron sulked and Jens felt bad for him. Every time he asked them tips for his relationship with Amber, the boys brushed him off or told him some bullshit advice. It's not that they didn't want to help him with his girl, but sometimes Aaron's questions were just too much.

“Can we talk about something else...'' Jens said, over with this conversation, not feeling like talking about his nor Aarons sex life anymore.

From across the cafeteria, a blue denim jacket caught his eye and Jens' heart sped up just a bit. Lucas was talking with some guys - the same ones from the skatepark - as he walked into the cafeteria, greige bag slung over his shoulder. He looked up and caught Jens looking his way, taking a moment to shoot him a quick wink across the room.

.

**Thursday, February 6th**

Michiel was right. Selling more than weed was a lot more beneficial. His last visit to Michiel’s place had earned him _twice_ what he got last week. It wasn’t much, but it was a start. If Jens kept this up every week, it would be a great help to his parents. He doubted it would pay the mortgage, but maybe it could be used for other bills.

After his visit to Michiel’s, Jens went up to his room and gathered last week’s cash with this weeks’, setting it on the desk. He hid the new baggies of pills and weed in the far end of the same drawer before heading downstairs where he knew his mom was.

Coming down the stairs, Jens saw that his mom was folding laundry with all the lights off except for one little lamp on the couch side table. His heart sank knowing that she was trying to do everything possible to keep bill costs down. He made a show of coming down the stairs so his mom could turn on more lights to help keep up the farce.

Jens let out a little cough. ‘’Here. I know that’s not a lot, but it can help.’’

Fenna deposited the laundry she was folding and frowned, glancing down at the pile of cash Jens was handing her. ‘’Where did you get that?’’

It was unusual for him to have this much money. As far as she knew, Jens didn’t have a job.

He shrugged. ‘’I sold some of my stuff. You were right, I’m holding on to way too many things.’’

Warry, his mom took the money and counted. ‘’Jens, there’s 150€ in this.’’

‘’I know. Use it for the bills or something.’’

Fenna shook her head, refusing to accept her son’s money. ‘’I can’t take that. It’s _your_ money.’’

‘’I insist.’’ Jens pushed the money back into her hands.

A bit of the burden lifted off of Fennas shoulders and she breathed a sigh of relief. ‘’Thank you. I’ll pay it back.’’ With a weak smile she looked up at Jens, pointing at the pile of clothes next to the basket. ‘’Oh, can you take this to your bedroom?’’

.

**Friday, February 7th**

Avoiding your ex at parties wasn’t as easy as Jens thought it would be. Jana was _always_ around. Their group of friends was joined by default because of Aaron and Amber, and Robbe who was friends with most of the girls. They were also all in the same school year so it was almost impossible to not go to the same parties.

Jens went to the kitchen to get a second drink. He studied his liquor choices and ended up going for the vodka. It was probably the cheap kind, but Robbe had forgotten the beers at home so he had no choice.

Reaching for the clear bottle, Jens poured some into a cup, almost spilling it on the side when he felt a weight on his back. He looked over his shoulder, expecting a mistaken drunk person, but it was Lucas and his bright grin.

Jens returned the smile, happy to see Lucas had made it to the party.

‘’Partying hard, I see.’’ Lucas moved to stand next to him, nodded at Jens’ red cup, half filled with vodka. 

‘’Want a drink? I said I’d keep you one.’’ Jens offered him his glass, but the brunet declined. 

‘’Not that one. Too much vodka. I don’t plan on ending my night with my head in the toilet.’’

Jens rolled his eyes. ‘’I didn’t put _that_ much.’’ Lucas raised an eyebrow, waiting and watching as the other boy took a sip, grimacing and regretting immediately, tasting old birthday memories. ‘’Okay. Maybe I went a bit hard on the vodka.’’

Lucas snorted. ‘’ _A bit_?’’

Jens chuckled, giving him reason, and grabbed another cup to pour half of it in and filled the rest of both cups with a non-alcoholic beverage. ‘’Here. Should taste like cherries.’’

This time, Lucas took the drink. ''Thanks.'' He hopped on the counter and nudged Jens with his knee, signaling for him to come closer while still being discreet. Keeping his voice low, Lucas whispered into his cup. “I missed you today.” He curled his free hand into Jens’ hoodie, pulling him closer.

Jens had to turn his head away from the crowd so nobody could see the blush on his cheeks. God how he wished he could just move and stand between those inviting legs and kiss Lucas in the middle of the party, but he spotted Zoe in his peripheral vision. Even though she wasn't a 'tell all' person, Jana was her friend and Jens doubted Zoe wouldn’t tell her if she saw him kiss someone else.

They hadn't seen each other since Tuesday and Jens had been looking forward to tonight. Texting was nice, but it wasn’t the same as being face to face. Thinking about Lucas’ appearance, Jens hadn’t had time to take in the Dutch boy’s outfit, too busy fighting the urge to kiss him. HIs usual tee shirt or hoodie had been swapped for a green floral shirt. _A damn floral shirt_. The top buttons were undone, Lucas' smooth skin peaking out, causing Jens' knees to weaken.

He bit his lip, stepping back, and nodded toward the kitchen's doorway. “Let's get out of here and find somewhere a little more private.”

Lucas jumped off the counter and followed Jens with a smug look.

Snaking through the crowd of bodies, Jens led the way to the second floor where he guessed were the bedrooms. There was a lot of people tonight, but if they was lucky, one room would be empty and free to use.

It took them a few disappointments before a handle twisted and opened at the end of the hall. Jens pushed it open and dragged Lucas inside, closing the door behind and backing Lucas against it.

The second it closed, Jens' lips were on Lucas', hot and eager, as Lucas' hands found home into Jens' dark locks, deepening the kiss. It wasn't in Jens' nature to push someone against the door to kiss them, but Lucas didn't complain.

Parting, Jens hummed contently. “Fuck, I have missed this...you.’’ He rested his forehead against Lucas’, their breath mingling. ''What's with the Florida holiday shirt tonight?'' Jens asked, playing with the opened collar of Lucas’ shirt, fingers grazing the floral pattern. 

Lucas chuckled, the vibrations of his laugh reverberating through Jens lower stomach. ''You don't like it?''

''Are you kidding?’’ Jens leaned for a kiss, giving Lucas’ bottom lip a slight nibble before releasing it. ‘’It’s so fucking hot.” He pushed his hips against Lucas and could feel the reciprocating erection in the brunet's tight pants.

Jens thought to stop, worried it would give Lucas the wrong idea, make him think he was only seeing him for sex, but Lucas smirked, pushing himself off the door and guiding Jens farther into the room. They hadn't bothered to turn the light on when they came in, their only source of light being the full moon's glow coming from the large window. They could've gone and turned on a lamp, but neither wanted to let go of the other.

Stopping in the middle of the room, Lucas put his hands on Jens waistband and moved to release the button, hearing the pop of the clasp. 

Their first blowjobs hadn't been in a hurry, in a stranger’s bedroom, but neither could wait tonight, too horny. Lucas wanted his lips on Jens, _now_. And, who was Jens to protest?

Lucas hadn't been so confident and sure of himself on Tuesday when he sat between Jens’ legs, the latter’s erection waiting for him to do _something_. It was his first time - ever - and nervous would’ve been an understatement. He was so scared Jens wouldn’t like it and that it would be _bad_. But, Jens, always reassuring and patient, put him at ease and there were no issues. 

Cert, it wasn't perfect, but there’s no perfection levels, just preferences...and practice. 

Lucas kissed him one last time, sighing as he felt the latter's large hands sliding underneath the thin button up, snaking up his sides and pressing the smaller one against him. Leaning into Jens' touch, Lucas fiddled with Jens' pants to open the fly and push them down his legs.

He broke the kiss and locked eyes with Jens, searching for something unknown and began to kneel down infront of him. It was only his second time doing this, but Jens saw confidence through Lucas' blue irises. Hands on the waistband, Lucas was about to pull Jens' boxers down, when the bedroom door flew open and light poured in from the hallway, exposing them to whoever had walked in.

Lucas froze and Jens’ head snapped up, seeing his best friend in the doorway, eyes like a deer in the headlights. “What the fu- _Robbe_!’’

Robbe raised his hands in surrender. ‘’Sorry, sorry, _sorry_ ,’’ he repeated, turning on his heels and leaving the room.


	6. Chapter 6

**Saturday, February 8th**

‘’Where’s your other half?’’ Jens teased, seeing no Sander trailing behind his best friend.

Robbe shook his head and hid his smile. ‘’He’s having lunch with his mom.’’

‘’Oh, so that’s why you came here? Because loverboy had to leave your side?’’

‘’That’s not-’’

‘’I’m kidding,’’ Jens said, grinning. He grabbed a controller from the desk and nodded at the television. ‘’Wanna game?’’

Robbe nodded and grabbed the second controller while Jens set up the console.

Jens knew there was a reason behind Robbe’s impromptu Saturday visit, but Robbe didn't seem to know how to bring up the subject.

After sitting in silence, for what felt like forever, with nothing but the beeps from the game, Robbe finally spoke. ‘’Sorry about last night, again,’’ he apologized, blush covering his cheeks and ears. ‘’I...didn’t mean to-’’

Jens shook his head. ‘’It’s okay, Robbe.’’

‘’Wanna talk about it?’’

‘’What is there to talk about?’’

‘’Why didn’t you tell me? About Lucas.’’

‘’Why do I _have_ to tell? It’s not anyone’s business.’’

‘’Coming out of the closet is a part of the journey, Jens.’’

‘’I’m _not_ in a closet. I-I’m not ashamed of who I am.’’

Robbe recoiled just a bit at the comment and Jens instantly regretted it. _Shit_. He didn’t mean to dig at Robbe. It was the last thing he wanted, knowing how difficult Robbe’s self acceptance had been.

He just meant that his situation wasn’t the same as Robbe’s - they couldn't compare. Everyone's experience is different, not everyone reacts to their sexual awakening the same. For some, realizing that their sexuality might differ from the society's common basket was hard to accept.

Jens paused, trying to find his next words carefully.

How to explain his situation to his best friend without diminishing his own experience?

‘’To me, it doesn’t matter who I’m attracted to. If it’s a girl that catches my eyes, then it’s a girl and, until recently, if it’s a boy, it’s a boy. Simple as that.’’

Robbe frowned. ‘’So...you still like girls?’’

‘’Yes.’’

‘’You’re bisexual, then?’’

Jens thought for a minute. Labels were tacky and invasive - he didn't like them. One's sexual preferences was nobody's business but theirs. But, if he really had to chose one, bisexual would be the most accurate.

‘’Yeah. I guess that’s what I am.’’

“How long have you known? That you also liked guys, I mean.”

“Ever since you told me that you liked Sander and not me.”

The controller hit the floor and Robbes mouth dropped open. Jens burst out laughing.

“Dude, I’m _joking_. It’s really been since I saw Lucas on the first day of school after break. I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight, but he was certainly easy on the eyes.”

The memory of Lucas walking in the courtyard came rushing back, hands in his pockets, curly fringe shadowing over his forehead, golden from the sun shining on them. His sharp jawbone and bright eyes had caught Jens' attention immediately.

“So, have you guys been together long?”

Jens glared at Robbe with a slight annoyance. “What is this? _20 questions_?”

“You did the same to me once you found out about Sander, so this is just payback,” the brunet defended. ‘’And, can’t I be interested in my best friend's love life? I don’t want you to leave me in the unknown like I did.’’

Jens let out a sigh, admitting his past doing. _Maybe_ he could answer some of Robbe’s question - just to satisfy his curiosity.

“It’s only been since Amber’s birthday party.”

“Jens, that was like almost a _month_ ago.”

The raven haired boy shrugged. He didn't mean to let Robbe in the dark about Lucas. At least, not forever. But, sometimes, it's nice to keep your little happinesses to yourself.

‘’So,’’ Robbe started, a mischievous smile curling on his lips. ‘’Is Lucas your boyfriend?’’

Jens shrugged, honestly. He hadn’t thought about that yet. ‘’I don’t know… We haven’t talked about it yet.’’

“Well you might want to have that conversation soon since Valentine's Day is Friday, and you will need to know if you and your _boyfriend_ are doing anything special,” Robbe teased.

With everything else going on, Jens had completely forgotten about Valentine's Day. It hadn’t been a problem in the past. Jana always made sure to remind him that it was coming, but now that he was single, Valentine’s Day wasn’t something Jens had to think about.

Groaning, Jens fell back on his bed. “Shit, what am I going to do now?”

Robbe shrugged. ‘’I don’t know, but, next time, lock the door.’’

Jens laughed. ‘’Will do.’’

.

**Sunday, February 9th**

The rain pouring outside had caused the cancellation of all the parties, obligating the teenagers to stay home and find other activities to occupy their Saturday night. Robbe and Aaron quickly made plans with their respective lovers, leaving Moyo and Jens to play Fortnite from each other’s room.

Despite being Saturday night, Jens had planned to go to bed soon. His beauty sleep had taken a toll lately because of his parents’ late night fights and he could feel himself falling asleep during the game.

He was about to tell Moyo he was off to bed when he heard commotion from downstairs, followed by slurred grumblings.

 _Oh no.._.

Jens sighed and checked the time on his phone: 1am. His dad must’ve come back from wherever he was and, guessing by the noises downstairs, it must’ve been the bar - or anywhere he could get alcohol.

Lucky for him, Lotte and Fenna weren’t home to see this. Jens’ mom had been clear about no more coming home drunk. Jens could cover for his dad, put him to bed and act like nothing happened in the morning, but he didn’t want to. Not tonight.

 **Jens:** I know it’s late...but can I crash at your place? My dad came home drunk and I don’t want to deal with it tonight

Minutes passed and there was no response from Lucas. Jens was getting worried he’d have to stay here and that Lucas was asleep, but it was the weekend. No one goes to bed early on Saturday night, right? Well, _Sunday_ , now.

 **Lucas:** Always ❤

After getting Lucas’ response, Jens put on his shoes and rain jacket and slipped out of the house, walking to where he remembered Lucas’ house was.

He felt shitty for letting his mom deal with the casualties in the morning when she’d get back from her night shift, but Jens needed a break. And a good night of sleep without any interruptions. If he stayed home, he’d have to take care of his drunk father and he wouldn’t be able to catch up on sleep.

The lights were all off on Lucas’s street, everyone most likely asleep at this hour. Jens knocked on the door and waited for the Dutch boy to answer and open.

A sleepy Lucas opened the door, hair matted from sleeping on one side. He was wearing a white sleeping shirt, thin and worn out, bringing out the blue of his eyes.

''Sorry for coming here this late,'' Jens apologized, seeing Lucas's sleepy face. He glanced down, chewing on his bottom lip. ''I didn’t mean to wake you-’’

‘’It’s okay.’’ Lucas shrugged. '’I fell asleep on the couch watching TV, it’s nothing.’’ The brunet stepped back, making room for Jens to get inside. ‘’Come in.’’

The house was smaller than Jens’ and had a lot less furniture. Most of which had probably been left in Utrecht, at Lucas’ mom’s house. They passed by the living room and Lucas turned off the television, the cartoons still playing turning black. He led Jens to his room and closed the door.

A small lamp on Lucas’ nightstand lit the place dimly, enough for Jens to make out the unpacked boxes still on the floor, left there for when Lucas will feel like putting them away - which wasn’t anytime soon. There was a couple pictures taped on the wall by Lucas’ bed, some Jens recognized from the brunet’s Instagram. Lucas’ backpack was laying on the floor, textbooks spilling out right next to his desk.

‘’Do you need anything to sleep in?’’ Lucas asked, pulling Jens from his visual exploring.

He shook his head, twisting on his heels to face Lucas, and chuckled. ‘’I don’t think anything will fit me anyway.’’

‘’Right,’’ he agreed, feeling like an idiot for asking.

Jens wasn’t bigger, but he was more built more squared than the Dutch boy - who was on the leaner side. Lucas’ tee shirts _could_ fit him, but it would be tight around the shoulders and that wasn’t comfortable.

Standing in the middle of his own bedroom, Lucas didn’t know what to say after the personal bomb Jens had dropped on him over texts. It was the first time Jens had opened up to him, and he wanted to be supportive but he didn’t want to push him to talk either.

‘’Do you want to talk about it? Your dad.’’

Jens shook his head. ‘’Not tonight. I just want to sleep. Can we do that?’’

‘’Yeah.’’ Lucas nodded and went to the bed and sat.

He tidied the pillows and blankets, making room for the pretty boy who will spend the night with him, catching himself watching- _staring_ as Jens peeled off his hoodie and jeans, leaving him in a tee shirt and underwear. There wasn’t anything creepy nor sexual, he just _really_ liked looking at Jens’ body.

Jens sat on the bed beside Lucas, their legs brushing at how close they were, feeling the warmth of Lucas’ skin through his grey joggers. “Thanks for letting me come over,’’ he apologized. ‘’Again, I’m sorry if I woke you up-”

“Jens,’’ Lucas interrupted. He sighed, shaking his head. ‘’It’s okay. I told you if you needed to talk I’d be there. It’s nice to know you wanted to come here, to come to me,’’ he said, feeling like he was admitting more than what the words were saying.

“I know, it’s just... I don’t know. I’ve got a lot on my mind lately.” Jens sighed, hiding his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees.

Hesitantly, Lucas put his head on his shoulder, kissing Jens through his tee shirt.

‘’You don’t have to keep everything to yourself, you know?’’

Jens stared off into the distance of the semi-dark room. He wanted to open up to Lucas and tell him everything that was on his mind, but he didn’t want to dump all of his problems on him and taint his only source of happiness. Jens wanted to preserve his time with Lucas, happy and appeasing as possible, a stark contrast from every other aspect of his life he didn't have control over. By dumping all his home life problems on Lucas, Jens didn’t want to risk this feeling and was afraid he wouldn’t have anywhere else to get this happiness from.

They also only met about a month ago and it wouldn’t be fair to unload everything on him. Jens had never been one to rant about his problems. He’d share situations with his friends, light troubles, but would never lay out his dirty laundry to them - not that he had anything worth telling before.

‘’Shall we get some sleep now?’’ Lucas suggested, smoothing a hand down Jens’ back, sensing he wouldn’t get any words out of him tonight. It was okay, though. He’ll talk in his own time, when he’s ready.

Jens nodded. Sleep will be good. He _needed_ a good sleep.

Lucas slid away from Jens and turned off the lamp, crawling back and taking the spot near the wall, trying to leave room for the raven haired boy. ‘’Little warning, my bed is a bit smaller than yours.’’

Shrugging, Jens joined Lucas higher on the bed, laying his head on the grey pillowcase. ‘’I’ll just hold you tighter,’’ he responded.

Content with Jens’ response, Lucas moved closer and rubbed his cold feet against Jens’ bare calves, tangling their legs together under the comforter. Jens lifted his arm in order to make room for Lucas to snuggle in close. He breathed in the sweet scent of Lucas' shampoo, soft curls tickling his chin.

Lucas talked quietly, telling Jens about that time he slept over at Kes' for the first time and had to call him mom in the middle of the night - okay, it was 9pm - because he couldn't sleep in another bed than his own. Jens laughed at the childhood anecdote. How could he not?

He listened as Lucas continued his story, allowing himself to finally relax. Lucas' voice was soothing and calm in the dark room.

Half way through the second story, Jens felt Lucas’ body become heavy with deep sleep. He glanced down, making out Lucas' delicate features in the darkness, and smiled.

He could easily get used to this.

.

Waking up next to Lucas was...warm. It’s been a moment since Jens last shared a bed and he had forgotten how hot you get through the night. Getting sweaty during the night from cuddling and being so close to another body was the only downside to sharing a bed. Other than that, it’s just perks.

Jens' eyebrow twitched, fighting away whatever had brushed it. He felt it again, the same feather light touch, descending on his face, tracing the bridge of his nose and then his lips. He scrunched his nose and heard a soft giggle _very_ close to him.

His lips curved into a smile, remembering where he was. In Lucas' bed. _With_ Lucas.

Jens' eyes started to flutter and he began to shift, for once pleased to wake up.

''Morning,'' Lucas said, his breath tickling Jens' neck as he spoke.

He had been waiting for Jens to wake up, trying to pull him from his deep sleep without waking him.

Jens hummed, eyes still closed. ‘’Slept like a baby.’’

‘’Clearly. It’s almost noon,’’ Lucas pointed, kissing Jens’ shoulder.

Jens laughed, this time opening his eyes, grateful that Lucas had thick blinds over his window. The sun was so bright at this time of the day.

‘’You hungry?’’ Lucas asked, propping himself up on his elbow, staring down at the boy in his bed, tangled in his sheets. ‘’I’m not the best cook, but I make amazing toast.’’

‘’You’re offering me breakfast?’’ Jens asked, a bit surprised. ‘’I thought you’d hold me hostage in your room and sneak me out some time later.’’

Lucas pulled his eyebrows, shaking his head. ‘’Why would I do that?’’

 _It’s what Jana did when we were together_.

‘’I’d like some toast.’’

It took them a few more minutes - and a growling warning from Jens’ stomach - before they pulled themselves out of bed and decided to leave Lucas’ bedroom. They went to the kitchen and Lucas began to raid the fridge of anything edible to go along with the toast that he had promised.

“So, where is your dad today?” Jens asked, suddenly reminded that he was only wearing his underwear and a tee shirt in the Van Der Heijdens’ kitchen.

How awkward would it be if Lucas’ dad had been here?

‘’He’s at a congress for his work. Or something.’’ He put slices of bread in the toaster and pushed down the button. ‘’Won’t be back until late afternoon.’’

Nodding, Jens jumped onto the counter and grabbed an apple from the nearby basket and began tossing it in the air, passing time.

A silence filled the kitchen as they waited for the toaster to pop. Jens had an idea of how to fill it, but, truth be told, he was a bit nervous. Yeah, Jens Stoffels was nervous. Shocker, huh? Lucas had this effect on him. He made Jens feel nervous, and excited and warm and out of control - _everything_ at the same time.

‘’Robbe came over yesterday. He...he asked if you were my boyfriend.’’

Lucas stilled, surprised, and took a few seconds before speaking. ‘’Am I?’’

‘’Do you want to be?’’ Jens asked back, setting the apple down and hopping off the counter, eyes set on the back of Lucas’ head where wild curls were sticking up and the moles on the uncovered part of his back.

‘’Do you want _me_ to?’’ Lucas asked, shielding himself as he bit his bottom lip anxiously, hoping Jens will give him the answer he wanted.

‘’I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to.''

Jens came up behind Lucas and touched his shoulder, making Lucas turn around. The brunet’s face was tipped down, trying to hide his smile and pink cheeks from Jens, but the latter tilted Lucas’ chin up to get a better view of his face.

‘’So, what do you say? Will you officially be my boyfriend?”

Lucas' smile widened and he cupped Jens face, placing a kiss on his lips, as if to make their status official. He had the intention to stop there, going just for a quick kiss, but Jens’ hand slid into Lucas’ hair, fingers buried in the curls, time forgotten as they kissed, slow and lazy.

Grey smoke started coming from the toaster, a burnt smell filling the air, but both went unnoticed by the new couple, too busy in their own bubble. It wasn’t until the smoke detector’s alarm went off, the chirp blaring through the kitchen that Lucas broke from the kiss, eyes wide.

''Shit, the toasts!'' He sped to the toaster and turned it off, making the toasts jump up, completely burnt and past the edible stage of burnt.

Jens followed him behind, snickering. ''I thought you made 'amazing toasts'.'' He picked one up, immediately dropping it on the counter as it burned his fingers. ''This is _carbonized_.''

Lucas glared. “If you hadn't distracted me…’’

‘’ _You_ initiated the kiss!’’ Jens pointed out.

“Only because _you_ got all serious and asked me to be your boyfriend. What was I supposed to do? Stand there?” he asked, raising an eyebrow and exposing his pretty blue eyes.

Jens smiled, watching with amusement as Lucas got mildly irritated over small nothings. He thought it was really cute that their first ‘argument’ was about burnt toast and officially being together.

Extending his arms, Jens reached out for Lucas- his _boyfriend_ and drew him to him, circling his arms around his smaller frame. Lucas exhaled a sigh, hugging Jens' middle and pushing his face into his neck.

''As much as I am liking this, you're gonna have to let me go. Those toasts aren't going to put themselves in the toaster,'' Lucas pointed out, yet not letting go of the other boy.

Jens snorted. ''No shit?''

Lucas pulled back, frowning. ''I thought you were hungry...''

''Yeah, but you can make me breakfast later.’’ Jens loosened his hold and descended his hands down, getting a full grasp of Lucas’ ass, making the latter’s cheeks flush. ‘’ _This_ is what I want now. And this.'' He started kissing along Lucas’s jaw, trailing his lips down the side of his neck. ''What time does your dad gets home, again?''

Humming, Lucas tilted his neck, giving Jens more room to kiss, as he tried to remember what his dad had texted him yesterday. ‘’Around 4pm? I think.’’

‘’That’s fine by me.’’

Without taking his lips off Lucas, Jens walked them back in the direction of Lucas’s bedroom, impatient to pull off some layers and get their hands on each other. Lucas giggled as Jens guided him into the hallway table, almost knocking down whatever was on it.

.

**Monday, February 10th**

The veggies were still a bit crunchy as Jens chewed them, needing a supplementary minute or two of cooking, but Jens didn’t comment on it. The carrots were _fine_. His mom did the best she could in ten minutes.

‘’Ines is having a sleepover on Saturday,’’ Lotte announced after she was served her dinner, stabbing a carrot with her fork. ‘’Can I go?’’

Fenna pulled her eyebrows. ‘’Didn’t you two have a sleepover this past weekend?’’ With her crazy schedule, she was losing track of time sometimes.

‘’Yeah, but it wasn’t for her birthday. Can I go? Please Mama, she’s my best friend,’’ she begged, pouting and all.

Fenna sighed. Birthdays meant presents and, with their current financial situation, they didn’t have spare money for an impromptu birthday present for Ines. The money Jens had given her had helped, but they still had the eviction notice to worry about and pay before it was too late.

It crushed Fenna’s heart to tell her daughter ‘no’, but maybe it was time she learned the value of money and that she can’t always go to birthday parties.

‘’Lotte, I don’t think-’’

‘’Friday is Valentine’s Day, Lotte.” Jens piped in. “I think Mom and Dad already have plans for the weekend plus, I thought we could do something special together.”

Lotte looked at him, eyebrows pulled together, as if trying to figure out if he was serious. “You’re only asking me because you have nobody else to spend it with.”

Jens couldn’t deny that she was right - _half_ right. Technically, he didn't have someone to spend Valentine's Day with. This weekend fell on Lucas' mom's weekend and he'll be in Utrecht, leaving Jens by himself on Lovers' Day.

All Jens wanted to do was spend this day - of all days - with his new boyfriend, but now was not the time to come out to his family and tell them about Lucas. Plus, it was too early in their relationship to be introduced to each other's parents.

“I’m asking you because you are my favorite girl, next to Mom of course, and I want to do something special with you.”

Fenna tried to hide her laugh at Jens remark.

“Like what?” Lotte asked, still skeptical.

“Well, I was thinking we could bake Valentine's Day cupcakes together and decorate them with pink and red frosting, candies and everything. Maybe we could watch movies too? What about the live-action Aladdin? Or Beauty and the Beast?''

Lotte thought about it for a minute, but before she could give Jens an answer, they heard the front door open and close. Jens glanced at his mom across the table, knowing that it was his dad and Fenna tensed, worried her husband was intoxicated.

Much to their surprise, Mohamed had an unusual smile when he walked into the kitchen. Her seat facing the kitchen entrance, Lotte saw him first and let out a squeal, happy to see her father.

‘’Dad! Dad! I got an 8 on my Math test,’’ Lotte announced proudly. She jumped down from her chair and went to get her test from her backpack.

‘’Careful. Don’t get sauce all over your test, Lotte.’’

Mohamed took the paper, smiling at his daughter, proud of her progress. ‘’Really? That’s amazing, Sweetie. I knew you could do it.’’

‘’Jens helped me a lot. He taught me how to multiplicate because I couldn’t understand what the teacher was doing.’’

He sat at the table and gave a thankful smile to his son.

‘’You hungry? I didn’t know if you were going to be there for dinner so I didn’t make you a plate.’’

‘’I’ll fetch myself a plate, but, first, I have good news.’’ He glanced at his family, the three of them sitting at the dinner table, and smiled. ‘’I...I found a job.’’

‘’You did? Where? How? ’’ Fenna asked, trying to contain her excitement.

‘’A friend of mine told me they needed a new guy at his workplace. I applied and he gave them a good reference about me and...I got the job,’’ he explained simply, crossing the kitchen to stand by his wife. ‘’Things are going to get better now,’’ Mohamed whispered to Fenna, careful so Lotte wouldn’t hear, camouflaging his secret with a kiss on her cheek.

Jens looked at his dad with disbelief and skepticism. He wanted to believe that his dad wasn’t lying, but there was something, something he just couldn’t put his finger on, that made him question this sudden new job. Like, how could he get a job so fast? How come that after weeks - _months_ , even - of searching for a new job that an offer was presented to him so quickly.

.

**Tuesday, February 11th**

After seeing Lucas coming out of the boys' gym locker room, there was no way Jens was going home without him. Fresh faced, his hair was still damp from the shower he just took, perfect curls resting over his forehead, and he smelled of sweet vanilla soap - and a touch of woodsy Jens didn't recognize.

Without thinking twice, Jens pulled him back into the locker room, not caring if there were still people left, and kissed him hard. Lucas followed willingly, tugging Jens closer by the side of his sweatshirt and smiling into the kiss.

Once they started, they couldn't stop. They _could've_ , but they didn't want to.

Jens felt Lucas’ smile fade as the kiss deepened, becoming more serious somehow, tongues sliding together, becoming a bit too explicit for school.

Conveniently, Jens' phone buzzed in his pocket, a message from his mom saying she was going grocery shopping with Lotte after school.

The timing couldn't have been better.

Jens' hand slid under Lucas' shirt, grazing his stomach, making the hair rise on his skin as they kissed. Their motions were calm and relaxed, kissing languidly, bathing in each other's embrace. 

It was a change from their usual horny teenager rhythm, laying there, so close to each other, with no intentions of taking it further than soft kisses and wandering hands.

Lucas pulled Jens closer, rolling them so Jens was on top. He liked this. Feeling Jens' weight, heavy and warm on top of him. His hand was hot against Jens' thigh, the warmth of his palm cutting through the denim.

‘’Do you have weed, by chance?’’ Lucas asked, his voice a soft mumble.

Jens hummed. ‘’Yeah. It’s in the first drawer over there.’’

Lucas smiled and removed himself from under Jens, making the latter whine in protest and grasp at the back of Lucas’ tee shirt, trying to pull him back to him. Lucas laughed. ‘’I forgot mine at my mom’s when I last visited. I had something else on my mind,’’ he explained, glancing at Jens with a knowing smile, flashing back to two weeks ago at the train station.

‘You’re gonna have to roll though, I don't have any pre-rolled joint. There’s a grinder and papers in the back.’’

Jens watched as Lucas crossed the room, hair messy from Jens relentlessly running his hands through it and his tee shirt wrinkled from rolling in the sheets for the past half hour. He smiled smugly, letting himself sink deeper into his pillows, asking himself how he got so lucky.

‘’Did you find it?’’ Jens asked from his spot on the bed, seeing Lucas standing still in front of the open drawer. ‘’Luc?’’

Turning on his heels, the brunet held up a baggie of colorful pills, fingers clutching the plastic tight. ‘’What’s this?’’

Lucas wasn’t an idiot. He k _new_ what those were, but a part of him was hoping that he was wrong. That his boyfriend didn’t have _drugs_ hidden in his drawer.

 _Fuck_.

Jens sat up, panic flashing through his eyes. Shit, shit, _shit_. ‘’I’m not taking them,’’ he defended immediately.

‘’Then, why is it in your drawers?’’ Lucas demanded, eyes on Jens, expecting further explanations. ‘’This shit is addicting and dangerous. Have you not seen enough deaths caused by Xanax or even Fentanyl?’’

‘’I’m not doing drugs, Luc. I promise.’’

‘’But _why_ do you have them?’’

‘’Because I sell them!’’ Jens felt himself being weighed down at the confession, taking a few steps back and sitting back on his bed. ‘’I sell them…’’ he repeated with a calmer tone, shoulders slumping. ‘’I’m doing this for my family.’’

Stunned and confused, Lucas’ eyebrows furrowed.

‘’About 3 months ago my dad lost his job with no severance pay, so my mom has had to pick up a lot of double shifts at the hospital. She has been stretching herself thin and I couldn't keep watching her-’’

Jens' voice interrupted and Lucas sighed, walking over to sit on the bed, no longer feeling like lecturing his boyfriend about the seriousness of taking drugs. Cert, selling drugs didn't take away the danger, but a lecture wasn't what Jens needed right now, it was _support_.

Exhaling a breath, Jens casted his eyes down on his lap, trying to gather his thoughts. He wanted to be honest with Lucas, but he wasn’t the only one involved and Jens doubted his parents would want their financial struggles to be spreading around to strangers.

‘’Money started becoming a bigger problem over the past weeks and I didn’t know what else to do. I just knew that I wanted to help. I'm helping a lot at home with my sister, graduation is so close too; it was impossible for me to get a job. So, I took the easy way and started selling drugs.'' Jens paused, scoffing a humorless laugh and shaking his head. ''My mom thinks I sold stuff - that's what I told her. I _hate_ lying to her, but I can't exactly tell her where it came from because I know she won't take the money even though she needs it.''

Family was important for Jens. Especially his mom and sister. He loved his family and would do anything for them, to help them.

''At first, it was just weed, but Michiel convinced me to do more, to expand my sales to pills. He said that it would pay more too, so I accepted.’’

Jens knew Lucas wasn't proud of him, that he didn't approve of his way, but it brought money home, it helped his parents. Even if it was dirty money.

Lucas took Jens’ hands in his, supportive and understanding. ‘’I know you want to help your family, Jens, but this drugs shit isn’t the solution,’’ he said, worry in his tone.

‘’For now it is,’’ Jens pressed. ‘’It's not permanent, okay. I promise. Just until things get easier at home.’’

The world of drugs was anything but safe, but Lucas knew there was nothing he could say that would make Jens backtrack.

He sighed. ‘’Be careful. _Please_. These guys aren’t fucking around.’’

.

**Thursday, February 13th**

Tomorrow was Valentine’s Day and Jens still hadn’t found an answer to his question: should he get something for Lucas? They had been official for only four days, but it was _Valentine’s Day_. Couples get something for their partners regardless how long they’ve been together.

He laid on his back, staring at his ceiling in hope to find his answer. He didn't want to go for the cheesy rose or chocolate - even though Lucas and his sweet tooth would’ve _loved_ chocolate. He couldn't draw like Sander or write cute poems like girls often do.

Jens sighed. And he thought buying a Christmas present for a secret santa was difficult/tricky/complicated; this was far worse.

A soft vibration shook his mattress and Jens reached for his phone.

 **Aaron:** Anyone has a red shirt to lend me for tomorrow?

 **Jens:** Shit. The Valentine’s Day theme…

Tomorrow, in honor of Valentine’s Day, their school’s had a themed dress code where the students had to wear something pink or red. It sounded a bit childish, something Lotte’s school would’ve done, but Jens had no choice but to participate. It wasn’t really a problem for him though, having a lot of red shirts in his closet.

 **Moyo:** Are you wearing pink tomorrow, Robbe?

 **Robbe:** Not all gays wears pink, you know 😑

 **Moyo:** 😘

 **Moyo:** Are we going to the bar again this year? There’s always hot chicks looking to hook up on Valentine’s Day

 **Robbe:** Can’t. Sander made plans, but he didn’t tell me. I asked for something chill. Staying in is fine with me. As long as we’re together, I don’t care what we’re doing

 **Aaron:** Sap 🤮

 **Robbe:** 🖕🏻

 **Robbe:** And you, with Amber?’’

 **Aaron:** We’re going to the movies. They have a special screening of The Notebook and Valentine’s Day. I’m also going to get flowers for her

 **Jens:** Wow, I would’ve never thought you were the romantic type

 **Aaron:** Amber told me exactly what she wanted to do

 **Moyo:** Of course she did

 **Aaron:** You’re just jealous because you’re the only single person this year

 **Moyo:** Fuck you all 🖕🏻

 **Moyo:** And you, Jens, any plans with the mystery girl?

 **Jens:** Yeah. Her name’s Lotte

 **Moyo:** As in your sister?

 **Moyo:** Dude you have to babysit? That fucking blows!!

 **Jens:** I would rather spend time with her all evening than watch your ass get rejected by girls all evening and then come crying to me about it

 **Robbe:** 😂

 **Aaron:** 😂👏

 **Moyo:** 🖕🏻

 **Jens:** You can join us though. We’re going to make cupcakes

 **Moyo:** Can we put weed in it?

 **Jens:** Wtf? She’s 8 bro...

.

**Friday, February 14th**

‘’I left a rose in Amber’s locker this morning,’’ Aaron told the boys at lunch, bragging about his superior romanticism.

Robbe shook his head. ‘’And I’m the sap?’’

‘’It’s romantic! The girls will go all ‘aw’ when she’ll show them. I think they’re jealous.’’

‘’So you’re doing this to impress Amber’s _friends_?’’ Jens recapitulated, messing with his friend.

Aaron opened his mouth to defend himself, stopping mid-way when he realized Jens had tricked him and didn't know how to respond to that. ‘’No! I did it for Amber. She likes romantic gestures.’’

Moyo and Robbe laughed, pulling out their lunches from their bag while Aaron was already almost done with his. How can he be finished so fast? They _just_ got here. Jens was about to do the same when his pocket began to vibrate.

 **Lucas:** Meet me in the library 💋📚

Jens didn’t take a second to think, taking his bag from the chair next to him and stood. ‘’Gotta go. I’ll catch you guys later.’’

‘’Where are you going? We just sat down like ten minutes ago,’’ Robbe asked.

Jens bit down his lip, trying to think fast of a quick lie, but Moyo beat him to it and spoke first.

‘’I bet you’re meeting up with that Tuesday chick to make out,’’ he guessed, raising his eyebrows and making kissy noises.

‘’I knew there was a mystery girl!’’ Aaron added, a bit too cheerful.

Jens snorted, shaking his head. ‘’You wish.’’

Jens walked in the library and smiled politely at the librarian at the front desk. He didn’t go there... _ever_ so she was probably confused to see a new face. He walked along the aisle, trying to look for Lucas’ table among the sea of pink and red students.

The library wasn't too crowded - not that Jens knew how many people came here daily. He recognized a few people he had classes in common with but kept going. His heart began to race, a tightening feeling in his stomach, when he saw the head of curls in _the_ pink sweatshirt. Jens smiled, sneaking up on him.

‘’Aren’t you supposed to be studying?’’ Jens seductively whispered in his ear.

A shiver ran down Lucas’ spine and the brunet looked up, blue eyes staring at Jens, pencil between his teeth. He had a pile of books and papers strategically placed according to all his exams up for re-do because of his mid-year move.

Lucas put his pencil down and grinned, happy to see his boyfriend. ‘’Yeah, but I figured I could use a break,’’ he said, raising an eyebrow.

Reading through his thoughts, Jens smirked and Lucas stood, beckoning Jens to follow him to the back shelves of the library. It was cliché and risky, knowing they’ll both get kicked out if they get caught kissing between stacks, but they didn’t care.

Lucas backed up until he touched the wall behind him, reaching for Jens and tugging him down for a kiss, hands bunching up the material of his hoodie.

‘’Cute.’’

Lucas cocked an eyebrow. ‘’Me?’’

Jens rolled his eyes. ‘’That too.’’ He set his hands on Lucas’ waist, slipping under his sweatshirt and pulling him closer. ‘’I meant your sweatshirt. You look good in pink.’’ Jens dipped his head and kissed under his ear, making Lucas tilt his head back to make more room.

‘’That’s why I wore it today. I know you like it on me.’’

‘’It’s the one you wore at the skatepark. After our first kiss.’’

How could Jens _not_ remember that moment? Lucas in a pink oversized sweatshirt, sunlight shining on him on top of the half-pipe. The sleeves were covering his hands a bit, fingers peeking out, looking cute as hell.

‘’I did?’’ Lucas asked, not remembering well.

Jens hummed, pressing his forehead against Lucas’, feeling the Lucas’ hands slide into his hair.

‘’Sucks that my first Valentine’s Day as a non-single person I have to be away from my boyfriend,’’ Lucas lamented with a sad sigh.

Jens was sad too, but he didn’t show it, not wanting to make Lucas feel more upset about spending Valentine's Day miles away from each other. Instead, he captured Lucas’ lips with his, cupping his jaw and deepening the kiss, making the brunet forget about tonight. Pressing himself closer to Jens, Lucas let out a small sound that was a bit too loud and inappropriate for a secret library make out session.

As Jens’ hands were starting to travel south towards Lucas’ backside, a large crash came from the otherside of the library, making Jens and Lucas jump apart from each other. Lucas went to the end of the row to see what was going on.

“Someone knocked over a book cart.”

Looking at the time on his phone, Jens groaned. “The bell is about to ring. Will I see you before you leave?”

“I’m catching an early train so I’ll be leaving before my last class.”

Jens sighed, not to pleased that he wasn’t going to give Lucas a proper send off. ‘’See you Sunday, then?’’

Lucas nodded, pressing one last kiss to Jens’ lips. ‘’Sunday.’’ 

.

Lotte _ditched_ him. His little sister ditched him for her best friend whose birthday party she couldn’t attend on Saturday. After telling Ines the _tearable_ news, the little girl decided to invite Lotte over and have a Valentine’s Day girls night to make up for her non attendance.

That left Jens by himself on Friday night - on Valentine’s Day night.

His mom was at work - and hopefully his dad too. It was weird to see him get ready in the morning and go to work, having a routine again. He’d drop Lotte off every morning, her school being on his way, and come back around dinner time or later depending on the day.

Sitting on his couch with a bag of chips, Jens flipped through the channels, trying to find something to watch. He rolled his eyes when seeing only bad cheesy movies like _Valentine’s Day_ and _The Notebook_. And the news.

With a sigh, Jens sent a message to Moyo.

 **Jens:** Wanna come over? My plans got cancelled

 **Moyo:** Can’t bro. There’s so many hot chicks here. Tonight is a good night for me, I can feel it!!

 **Moyo:** Come to the bar!

Jens scrunched his face. He didn’t feel like going to a bar tonight. He didn’t have money for drinks and didn’t feel like dancing and grinding himself against girls - or anyone else other than his boyfriend. If Robbe and Aaron would’ve been there, maybe Jens would’ve reconsidered. But, they weren’t.

He didn’t bother texting Moyo back, sinking into the couch’s back pillows and checking his social media, trying to cure his boredom. Sander had posted a cute selfie of him and Robbe on their date, making Jens smile. He liked the post and scrolled down to the next picture. Aaron had posted on his Instagram too, a picture of a popcorn and movie theater seats, telling everyone how in love he was with Amber.

Seeing his friends on dates with their respective lovers reminded Jens how he was the only one of the gang to not spend his night with his significant other. It hadn’t even been 8 hours since Lucas had left Antwerp and, already, he was missing his beautiful face.

Jens stood, dusting off the crumbs on his shirt and headed to his room, taking advantage of his parents’ absence to smoke a joint. It’s not like he had anything better to do.

Opening his drawer, Jens saw that he was all out of weed and groaned. He must’ve forgot to keep some for himself and sold everything. He scratched for the back of the drawer, hoping a couple grams had fallen there, but there was none. _Fuck_.

 **Mom:** Can you pick up Lotte in the morning? I have to do a double and won't be home in time

 **Jens:** Can’t Dad do it?

 **Mom:** He has work

 **Jens:** On the weekend?

 **Mom:** Yes, on the weekend

 **Mom:** Will you pick her up? Please

Jens sighed, missing the old days.

Can’t he just be a teenager for once? He missed the days where he could hangout at Robbe's or Moyo's and do nothing but drink and smoke, partying all weekend. When he got wasted enough, he would just sleep it off and not have to worry about babysitting his sister or his secret side job to help his parents. It was so simple and easy back then...

He almost grabbed his phone and called Moyo for backup, knowing he’ll have some at home, but the latter was at the bar, most likely drunk. And, Jens would have to explain why he was out of weed and why he needed it _now_. It’s not that he was ashamed of his anxieties, _everyone_ has anxieties, but it wasn't something he wanted to scream on rooftops, never being one to be overly emotional. ****

Jens was a chill person. Always so calm and collected, easygoing; not much can ruffle his feathers. But, lately, his stress levels have been getting higher and he wasn’t used to so much stress in his life.

With his father's job loss, a lot of other things started to tumble down like an avalanche. Their finances had slowed down, but the bills were piling up, adding to the already tumbling snow. His father's lack of responsibility and empty promises were catching up to them and his mom was exhausted, trying to make up for his mistakes. Jens was trying to hold it back, to help where he could, but there was only so much he could do to prevent the avalanche from swallowing his family.

With time, Jens began to feel the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Despite his best attempts at adulting, teenagers usually don’t have the skills or the brain development necessary to really care for themselves or a full family. Because their brain is still in development - and will only be fully developed around their mid-twenties -, they are more vulnerable to anxiety and stress. There are many moments where they don’t know what they were doing. Frustration mixed with a lack of ability when it comes to 'adulting’ raises teenage anxiety levels.

Keeping everything straight in his mind was difficult. He had to help his parents keep everything from Lotte and take care of her here and there, maintaining good grades, figuring out all these new inclinations regarding his sexuality and falling in love with Lucas.

All of this was overwhelming sometimes.

Without realizing, Jens had found himself self medicating to relieve his stress. Weed, which used to be recreational, was now used to significantly reduce stress and was no longer just for fun.

Even Lucas had become a stress relief without meaning to. With his gorgeous smile and bright eyes, Jens couldn’t help but smile whenever he was in his presence.

Usually, he would lit a blunt and smoke a bit of weed, but when he was all out.

As a last resort, Jens glanced at the baggie of Xanax. He stared at the rectangular white pill, hesitating. He had _never_ taken it before, but he knew it was medically used to ease the mind and calm anxiety, a stress reliever. Just like weed. Taking one pill wouldn’t hurt, right?

He grabbed one from the baggie and popped it into his mouth, swallowing dry.


	7. Chapter 7

**Saturday, February 15th**

Freshly woken up, Jens stared at his ceiling, deep in his thoughts. He had slept for over twelve hours, but somehow still felt exhausted.

Now that the Xanax had worn off, he was left to face his thoughts, the same ones he tried to escape last night - with the addition of guilt.

The bag of pills sat louder than usual in his drawer, a reminder of yesterday’s moment of weakness. Jens wasn’t proud of himself for having taken a Xanax. But, sometimes, when your brain gets too loud and all you want is for it to stop, you make impulsive choices, _bad_ choices. The severity of your choice only hits you the following morning, when you come back to your senses.

It’s not like he could go back in time though. What was done was done. But, he still felt remorse.

Even though it felt _good_.

Jens closed his eyes, turning over, about to fall back asleep when he saw that Lucas was trying to FaceTime.

He smiled, seeing his boyfriend’s pouty face on his phone screen and answered. ‘’Hey, beautiful.’’

Lucas reciprocated the smile, but not fully. ‘’Hey… You never returned my messages last night. Everything okay?’’ he asked, pushing his fringe away from his face, voice a little worried.

 _Shit_.

‘’Erm, yeah…sorry. I fell asleep super early.’’

Although it wasn’t a lie, Jens felt bad for omitting the truth to Lucas about his evening. But he couldn’t tell him about the Xanax, not after he promised he wasn’t taking any, not over Facetime. If the cat were to be out of the bag, it would be in person. It’s too easy to hang up on someone instead of listening to them.

‘’Oh. It’s okay,’’ Lucas said. The screen joistled, becoming a little blurry from the movements as Lucas adjusted his position on the couch, the bright yellow wall of his living room peeking in the background. ‘’I spent all night binge watching your Broerrrs vlogs.’’

Jens raised an eyebrow. ‘’ _All_ of them?’’

He had never counted how many vlogs they’ve posted on YouTube, but there was at least a dozen - if not more. They weren’t very long vlogs, but it was a commitment to binge them all. Jens found it cute that Lucas had spent his evening watching the vlogs - regardless how cringe-y some were.

Lucas hummed proudly. ‘’I missed your pretty face. And, you weren’t responding to my messages.’’

Jens scoffed. ‘’My _face_ , uh?’’

‘’Yeah…’’ A light blush spread on Lucas’ cheeks and ears, biting back a grin. ‘’I’ll admit, you looked mighty fine in that wetsuit. Zero points for the wakeboarding skills, though…but it’s not really what I was interested in.“ The brunet smirked, holding the camera closer. ’‘I was in the mood for something else. Too bad you were sleeping, I had to take matters into my own hands - literally. Wasn’t as good as the real thing though.’’

‘’No?’’ Jens said, faking innocence. ‘’You like my hand better?’’

‘’Your _mouth_ , actually,’’ Lucas corrected, blunt. ‘’Those full lips aren’t just good for talking,’’ he added, capturing his bottom lip between his teeth.

Heat rushed to Jens’ cheeks, but he wasn’t embarrassed. He was pretty smug about it. Judging by the appreciative noises Lucas made whenever he went down on him, Jens had _nothing_ to be embarrassed about.

Someone called Lucas’ name and he looked behind him, the screen going black as the phone fell on his chest. Jens could hear some voices, but it was hushed by Lucas’ hoodie material.

‘’Gotta go,’’ Lucas announced, returning to Jens.

‘’You’re kidding me?!’’

‘’My mom needs me to go grocery shopping. And then, I’m meeting up with Kes and Jayden.’’

 _The fucking tease_.

Blood had started rushing down, feeling himself growing hard under his boxers. ‘’You can’t say shit like that and then…leave. Luc, come on! Don’t leave me hanging-’’

Lucas shrugged. ‘’Payback’s a bitch.’’ He blew a kiss and winked at the camera before ending the call.

The screen went black as Lucas hung up, disconnecting the call. Jens stared at his phone, mouth open slightly, having been cut off before he could protest any more. He felt his dick twitch and groaned in frustration, a reminder of his growing problem. What was he supposed to do now? Jerk off to the stains on his ceiling? He doubted it would work.

 **Lucas:** Here’s something to help with your…problem. Took it last night with the thought of you 😏🍆✨

[Image attached]

Jens’ mouth went dry as he stared at the photo.

 _Fuck_.

A bare stomach, shirt bunched up near the lens and a hand sliding underneath sweatpants, mid-tone trail of hair vanishing into the darkness. The grey sweatpants had a significant tent and Jens knew it wasn’t only Lucas’ hand that was hidden under.

He clicked on the photo, making it fill his phone screen, gaze lingering on Lucas’ smooth stomach, moles scattered here and there in various sizes. He recognized the fading hickey right on his hip bone, a memory from when Jens slept over at Lucas’. The bad lighting of what he assumed was Lucas’ bedroom highlighted just enough to make Jens take a breath and reach into his boxers, mimicking Lucas’ last night activities.

.

**Monday, February 17th**

Picking up his sister at school wasn’t Jens’ initial Monday plan. After spending a weekend apart, Lucas and him had planned to go to Lucas’ place after school to… _hangout_. While jerking off to Lucas’ explicit picture had done the job, it wasn’t as good as the real thing.

But their plan had been cut short when Jens’ mom couldn’t join their dad and his sister had no one to pick her up from school.

‘’Is this okay?’’ Lucas asked as they walked to Lotte’s school. He hadn’t met any member of Jens’ family yet, he wanted to check with Jens first - even if Jens was the one who asked to come along.

Jens furrowed his eyebrows, confused. ‘’Why would it not be?’’

Lucas shrugged. ‘’I don’t know. She’s never met me. Won’t it be weird for her?’’

‘’No. She might pester you with tons of questions, but I don’t think she’ll catch on for us.’’

‘’Do you not want to tell her?’’

‘’It’s not that. I don’t even think she knows what bisexual means.’’

Even though Lotte was smart for her age, Jens doubted she had learned those big terms. The vastness of sexuality wasn’t something they taught kids at school.

They stopped as they reached the school’ gate and Jens checked the time on his phone. Seven minutes left until class ends.

Jens leaned his back against the fence and listened as Lucas was telling him about his weekend. He told him about Isa getting drunk and singing karaoke, missing _all_ the notes to this super cheesy love song. It was horrible - and hilarious. Lucas’ ears were still bleeding from the screeching and how off key she sounded. Jayden had made a video, but sadly Lucas didn’t have it.

As Jens was listening to Lucas’ other anecdotes from his weekend in Utrecht, both boys started getting dirty looks from other parents from simply holding hands. Lucas noticed first, his smile falling as he became very self-conscious of his surroundings, and let go of Jens’ hand. Jens didn’t comment on it, narrowing his eyes at the close minded, homophobic moms.

The final bell rang and kids poured out the front doors like a giant tidal wave. Lotte saw her brother and ran up to him giving him a hug from behind. “Where’s Mama? She was supposed to pick me up today.”

‘’Mom had to replace someone at work. She sent me instead,’’ he responded, reaching behind himself and putting a hand on her shoulder to hug her back.

‘’Where’s your jacket? Mama said to wear it this morning or you’re gonna get sick,’’ Lotte’ voice asked, standing behind her brother, noticing his absence of outwear.

‘’Someone stole it,’’ Jens defended, turning around to face her.

‘’Liar.’’ Jens made a face at her - _very_ mature - and she glanced at Lucas, not recognizing him. ‘’Who are you?’’ she asked, giving him a look.

Her tone was a bit rude, but Lucas smiled at her. _She’s a kid_ , he reminded himself. ‘’I’m Lucas. You must be Lotte? Jens told me about you.’’

She pulled her eyebrows together. ‘’He did?’’ Lucas hummed. ‘’Well, I never heard of you. How long have you and Jens been friends for? You’ve never come around before with Robbe or the other guys?”

Lucas laughed and gave Jens a look, not knowing what to say. Lucky for him, Jens came to his rescue.

‘’Lucas is coming home with us. We…we have a school project to work on,’’ he lied. ‘’And…he’s not just my friend, Lotte. Lucas is my boyfriend.’’

‘’Your _boyfriend_?’’ she repeated, a bit confused. ‘’Don’t you mean _girlfriend_? Where did Jana go?’’

The thing with children was that they have no filters - and always asked _tons_ of questions. Lucky for him, Lotte loved Jana and liked to constantly ask about her absence.

‘’We are not together anymore.’’

‘’Why?’’

‘’ _Because_ we’re just not.’’ Jens sighed, getting impatient and irritated by his sister’s questions. ‘’Now, let’s go.’’ He took her hand and they were on their way.

Lotte didn’t notice Jens irritation and proceeded to ramble on as they made their way home. Kids had a _lot_ of things to say at this age.

Jens pulled out his keys to unlock the door when Lotte reminded him about her dance recital.

‘’I have a dance spectacle on Thursday, will you be there? Dad said he’ll be there,’’ she said, excitedly. ‘’He said he’ll bring me flowers.’’

‘’I’ll be in the front row.’’

‘’You’ll be coming too, right?’’ she asked Lucas, taking the brunet by surprise.

He hadn’t expected Lotte to invite him, given how haughty she acted to him minutes ago, but kids can be surprising.

‘’If that’s alright with Jens,’’ Lucas responded, glancing at his boyfriend for approval.

Jens looked between his sister and his boyfriend. ‘’I should be asking you the same. My parents will be there. You ready to meet them?’’

.

**Tuesday, February 18th**

Taking a break from his homework, Jens decided to get something to eat. He had eaten dinner less than an hour ago, but was still hungry. This paper was due tomorrow and he wasn’t half-way done. Maybe he was stress eating? Who knows.

Jens was almost at the end of the stairs, thinking whether he should take cookies or chips when he saw his father’s laptop and dress shoes in the entrance, next to his sister’s pink rain boots. He furrowed his eyebrows. It was possible that his dad didn’t need his laptop, that they had computers at his job, but why would he leave work without his shoes? And why was he not home yet? It was way past 5pm.

Should he call his mom? What was his dad’s work’s company name? Maybe he can make a call and ask if he’s at his desk or if someone named Mohamed Stoffels works for them? If he wasn’t at work, where was he? His car wasn’t in the driveway, he _had_ to be somewhere.

.

**Wednesday, February 19th**

**Aaron:** Is tomorrow alright with everyone?

 **Robbe:** Good for me!

 **Moyo:** Me too!

 **Aaron:** Jens?

Jens’ phone buzzed on his bed, lost under his textbooks. The History test that had been reported was happening tomorrow and Jens had completely forgotten until he heard some girl mention it in class. He and Lucas’ studying attempt hadn’t been a success in terms of real studying so Jens had to power through and learn everything in less than 24h.

Why is he so last minute?

 **Jens:** Can’t

 **Jens:** I’m going to my sister’s dance spectacle. Can’t miss it

 **Moyo:** We need to film a Broerrrs vlog soon though. I know we posted on Valentine’s Day, but we filmed that almost a month ago. We need new content

 **Robbe:** I’m going to lunch with Sander and his mom on Saturday and visiting my mom on Sunday

 **Jens:** Why don’t we just plan something for next week? Like on Wednesday? We can do something at the skatepark?

 **Aaron:** That sounds good to me. I’m free that day

 **Moyo:** So, Amber finally let you off your leash 😂

**Aaron:** **🖕🏻**

**Robbe:** That works for me as well

 **Jens:** Cool. See everybody on Wednesday after school

.

**Thursday, February 20th**

Jens waited for Lucas outside the auditorium Lotte’s dance spectacle was held at. He checked his phone, waiting for an update from Lucas about his journey. He said he was close to the venue, but that was ten minutes ago. Where was he?

From here, he could hear the group of hostile parents ranting about their children’ talent and how their child was better than everyone else and tearing others down. Jens _hated_ this kind of parents. They were showing toxic behavior to their kids and teaching them the wrong way of being competitive.

A head of curls turned the corner and Jens smiled, seeing Lucas had dressed up a bit for the occasion, having switched his blue jeans for black ones and a less wrinkly tee shirt. It was cute that he put effort and wanted to look good, make a good impression when meeting his boyfriend’s parents.

’'Am I late?” he asked, seeing a few parents getting inside and a lot of cars in the parking lot. “I was on the phone with Kes and didn’t see time pass.”

Jens put his phone in his pocket and shook his head. “No. You’re good.” He stole a kiss from Lucas, lingering as if they hadn’t seen each other at school two hours ago. Did he put _cologne_ on? “Ready to meet my mom?”

Lucas made a quiet noise but smiled, nodding. He hadn’t said anything, but his stomach was knotted with a small stress from meeting Jens’ parents. Jens said his parents would like him, but Lucas couldn’t help but think: ‘what if they don’t?’. After all, he was the first boy Jens would introduce to them.

“Mom.”

Fenna stopped her conversation with the woman next to her and glanced at her son. She smiled, seeing that he wasn’t alone. “You must be Lucas. My daughter told me about you. 'Jens’ new ‘ _girlfriend_ ’.”

Lucas chuckled at Lotte’s word mixing and nodded. “Yeah. That’s me.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, Lucas. You must like Jens very much to come to an 8 years old’s dance recital.”

Jens face turned bright red as his mom teased him, fulfilling her motherly duty to embarrass her son.

Lucas grinned, leaning back against Jens. ‘’Actually, _Lotte_ invited me. I hope I’m not intruding.’’

Fenna shook her head. “Not at all. I’m glad she invited you. Otherwise, I don’t know when nor if Jens would’ve told me about you.’’

Jens rolled his eyes. ‘’Of course I would’ve. It’s just _very_ recent, Mom.’’

‘’Don’t just stand there. Have a seat.” She took her purse from the chair beside her and Jens sat down, Lucas doing the same next to him. “Get ready to be amazed at the amount of glitter and squealing that is about to happen.”

.

‘’Where were you?’’ Jens asked the second his dad came home, turning on the small lamp.

He had been waiting for him in the living room, lights turned off, like parents do in movies when their kids miss curfew. Jens knew his mom wouldn’t confront him about missing Lotte’s dance spectacle, but seeing how upset his sister was, his dad needed to be questioned.

‘’You missed Lotte’s dance spectacle.’’

‘’It was tonight?’’ He removed his jacket, hanging it on the hooks in the entrance. ‘’I got held back at work. I’m sorry-’’

‘’I’m not the one you should apologize to. You _promised_ her you’d be there. Do you know how heartbroken she was when she came on stage and didn’t see you in the front row?’’

‘’I’ll be there next time.’’

 _Bullshit_. Jens scoffed. ‘’Don’t make promises you know you can’t keep. Everyone might buy your lies, but I don’t.’’

Mohamed frowned, confused. ‘’What is this about?’’

‘’ _I_ ’m the one who had to hold her while she cried after her dance performance because _you_ weren’t there. _I_ ’m the one who picked her up on Monday because _you_ weren’t answering your phone. _I_ ’m the one who took you to bed the night you got so drunk you couldn’t take off your shoes on your own. _I_ ’m the one who is helping mom around the house because you’re _never_ there. We’re about to lose the house because of _you_. Because instead of picking yourself back up, you pile on the lies and assume we’re all blind enough to not notice.’’

‘’I’m tired of always having to cover for you every time you fuck up. _You_ ’re the father figure in this family, not me.’’

‘’I’m doing better now, I have a job and-’’

‘’Do you even have a job? Or is it another one of your lies? Because I saw your work shoes and laptop at the bottom of the stairs on Tuesday and I’m 99% certain you left the house with them in the morning.’’

Mohamed’s face tightened and Jens’ eyes grew wide, realizing that he had just confronted his father and was _right_ about him lying.

“Go to your room. It’s late and you have school tomorrow.”

‘’Are you sending me to my room because I’m out of line or because I’m right?’’

Jens didn’t wait for his dad’s response, walking over to the stairs and going to his room, like he was ordered to.

He closed his bedroom door behind him and locked it. His heart was beating fast behind his chest, reeled up from the argument with his dad. He hadn’t meant to get this heated nor to confront him about everything, but once he started talking, he just word-vomited the rest.

Jens wished their conversation hadn’t gone like that, but he couldn’t keep everything in anymore. He had _enough_.

He wondered if his mom had heard them? They didn’t yell, but it was pretty intense. Jens didn’t care though. If anything, it was a good thing that his mom heard. Now, she knew about her husband’s lies.

He felt a tightening pain in his chest and his mind was racing. Running his hands over his face, Jens needed to calm down or else he wouldn’t be able to sleep. He went to his dresser, pulled it open, and groaned, remembering that he was still out of weed. He needs to see Michiel and ask for more soon.

The bag of Xanax stared at him in the drawer, a couple white pills left in it, right next to his rolling paper. He had told himself he wouldn’t take Xanax again, but it was - again - his only option tonight.

Once the pill swallowed, Jens went to lay on his bed and curled up on himself, waiting for the medication to kick in.

.

**Friday, February 21st**

‘’Where are we meeting them?’’

‘’The bar in front of the café. You know, the one you met Sander and Robbe at?’’ Jens explained, pulling on his shoes and fishing his keys from his jacket to lock the door on his way out.

Lucas hummed.

The bar that they usually go to was having a half off drink special, so they decided that they should all go out and have a guys night. Robbe had invited Sander and suggested that Jens ask Lucas to come as well. Moyo and Aaron had already met Lucas so him tagging along wouldn’t cause too much suspicion. And, it’s not like they would all stay together inside the bar - at least, not all night.

‘’I was hoping it would be just the two of us tonight,’’ Lucas said with a pout, looking too cute for his own good.

Jens sighed, stepping forward where Lucas was standing. ‘’Me too, but I can’t always blow my friends off. We can always sneak into the bathroom or something? I’m sure we’ll find a place to make out.’’

Lucas smirked. ‘’I like this idea very _very_ much.’’ He leaned his head against Jens’ and brought their lips together, winding his arms around Jens neck, and snaking a hand in his hair.

Their kiss was short as Jens pulled back, suddenly reminded of something.

‘’I forgot something upstairs. I’ll be quick.’’

Sighing, Lucas let go of him and Jens hurried upstairs, climbing the stairs two by two to save time.

He opened his top drawer and reached for the bag of pills, fully aware that Lucas was waiting downstairs and that he was doing this behind his back. Jens contemplated if he should take one, knowing Moyo would have weed on him and would share a blunt with them and he’d feel the same. But, he wanted the high _now_ and knew the effects of Xanax were much faster and more efficient than weed.

Just as he was about to pop it into his mouth, Lucas opened his bedroom door and came up behind him.

‘’Jens, Robbe asked if we were on our way- What are you doing?!’’

Whirling around, Jens saw Lucas standing in his doorway, blue eyes wide and staring right at the Xanax he was about to take. _Fuck_.

‘’You said you weren’t taking any. You _lied_ to me.’’ Lucas shook his head, stepping back.

Jens tried to reach out and explain what was happening, but Lucas was backing away from him, completely disconcerted. He didn’t know what hurt more; that his boyfriend had _lied_ to him or that he had snuck upstairs to take this _shit_.

‘’Sorry, I..I have to go home,’’ Lucas said, voice shaky as he turned on his heels and raced down the stairs.

Cursing under his breath, Jens dropped the pill and went after him. ‘’Luc, wait!’’


	8. Chapter 8

**Saturday, February 22nd**

Jens had fucked up. He _knew_ he had fucked up, but watching Lucas leave, turn his back and walk away from him, wasn’t any less painful. Every time he closed his eyes, Jens saw the disappointment and betrayed look on Lucas’ face.

He didn’t even go out with the boys after Lucas left, too upset to have fun with his friends. And, if he had gone, he would’ve tried to drink his mistake away and Jens knew that it was not the best way to deal with it. Leaning on a vice had already gotten him in trouble and had cost him Lucas, did he really want to make it worse and fuck up even more?

So, he stayed home and laid in his bed, curled up and moping like a teenage girl during her first breakup. He stared at his phone, hoping to see Lucas’ name on the screen. A message, a call. _Anything_. Sadly, he only got texts from the Broerrs group chat, asking where he was and if he was still coming or not.

Jens didn’t reply nor opened their messages, he just let them roll in.

When morning came, a gray light casted into his room through the still open curtains, dimly illuminating the foot of his bed. Jens didn’t know what time it was, but he could make out his mother and sister’s voices outside his door, Lotte calling out about a lost doll she wanted to take over to a friend’s house.

In other times, he would’ve laughed and called her a messy person, but Jens didn’t have the heart to tease his sister.

Extending his hand across his mattress, he reached for his phone, the battery flashing 10%, and dialing Lucas’ number. It was the fifth time he called the Dutch boy since last night and, just like the first time, it went to voicemail.

Jens sighed. If only Lucas would give him a second chance. To explain. What was there to explain though? He couldn’t just say that he was out of weed and took a Xanax instead. While it was true, that it was how it started, it wouldn’t be good enough of an excuse for Lucas.

He had promised himself after messing up with Jana that in his next relationship, he was going to be more honest. Jens seemed to have forgotten about that promise… Him and Lucas had not even been together two weeks and already he had lied to him and driven him away.

Shit, he deserved a trophy for the shortest relationship ever. Even Robbe’s relationship with Noor lasted longer than that.

.

Afternoon seeped in and Jens felt himself slipping into desperation, craving any interactions from Lucas. He had been trying to find some way of getting a message through to Lucas, trying _everything_. He continued to call and text him - despite getting no replies. He even went back to their old ways and sent him a DM via Instagram, but there was still no response.

Jens let out a desperate sigh. Even a ‘read’ check mark would be better than this radio silence. He was about to put his phone down, he felt it vibrate in his hands, messages from his friends flashing on his screen.

 **Aaron:** Hey so what time are we meeting up for Jana’s party? Amber said the girls are taking her out to pre-party and then we should all come by later

 **Moyo:** Lets meet at 9 and then go over

 **Moyo:** We can pre-game at Robbe’s?

 _Shit_. Today was Jana’s birthday party - and Jens had completely forgotten about it. She was eighteen now. _The big eighteen_ as they used to say. Jens remembered when they were in middle school and used to dream about this big day - and future party. Now that the time had come, her birthday date had completely slipped from his mind, no longer relevant to him anymore.

 **Aaron:** Jens, you coming or you’ll bail on us again?

He ignored the messages from his friends and stared at his ceiling. There was no way he was going to Jana’s party. He didn’t feel like seeing her. Or anyone. He was feeling like shit _and_ most likely looked like it too.

Plus, after ending things between them for good a couple weeks ago, Jens doubted she’d want to see him at her party. Nothing good could come from him going and, with the way he was feeling, it was just a recipe for disaster.

Jens clicked out of the chat and pulled up a contact. Robbe was the only person who responded 'present’ when Jens needed someone. Someone to empty his feelings to and make everything seem right again. He dialled Robbe’s number, biting his lip as he waited. It rang three times…and went to voicemail.

Fuck, where was his best friend when he needed him?

.

**Monday, February 24th**

He saw Lucas in the halls on Monday. And, once Jens saw him, he couldn’t seem to be able to look away, eyes memorizing every feature of that beautiful face, knowing that he wouldn’t see it as often - nor as close - anymore.

A stupid smile formed on his face, only to fall and turn into sorrow seconds later. A week ago, Lucas would’ve turned in his direction and smiled - and maybe Jens would’ve blown him a kiss, making Lucas blush. But, today, Lucas had his back to him.

His beautiful curls were covered by a hoodie, denim jacket on top, as he fished something out of his locker. A textbook, probably.

A part of him wanted to go up to him, but Jens didn’t want to be that creepy ex - that’s what they were now, were they? - who stalked the other at school just to talk to them because their numbers are blocked. This was wrong and twisted.

So, Jens stayed away and kept his distance, giving Lucas the time and space he needed.

.

**Tuesday, February 25th**

After skating his sadness away at the skatepark, Jens opened his textbooks and worksheet and began his homework. He didn’t feel like doing school work right now, but it had to be handed tomorrow so he had no other choice.

There was a light knock on his door, followed by his mother’s sweet, calm voice - and the smell of fresh baking. ‘’Lotte and I baked some cookies, want some?’’ she asked, poking her head through the doorway.

Homemade cookies? On a Tuesday? That was unusual. After a shift at the hospital, Fenna usually had just enough energy to prepare dinner and do some small chores.

‘’Maybe later,’’ Jens responded, eyes on his homework, trying to concentrate on Maths instead of Lucas.

‘’It’s peanut butter, your favorites. Lotte insisted we made them for you,’’ Fenna explained, tempting him, thinking he’ll change his mind.

‘’I’m not hungry. I’ll get some later.’’ Jens forced a smile. He didn’t want to sound ungrateful, but he just wasn’t in the mood.

Fenna frowned at the second refusal and stepped in, sensing something was up with her son. It was unlike Jens to refuse peanut butter cookies - and to hide in his bed all weekend. She thought he might be getting sick, but he didn’t look nor sound sick. It was something else.

She sat on Jens’ bed, trying to keep herself from making comments about the mess around his room. When will those kids learn to clean and tidy up?

‘’Need any help with that homework?’’

Jens shook his head. ‘’Unless you aced algebra when you were in high school, I doubt you can help me.’’

A small laugh left her lips. ‘’You must’ve got that from me, then. I was _bad_ at Maths.’’

‘’Thanks for the skills, I guess?’’

‘’Other than struggling with your Math homework, anything new? How is Robbe? I haven’t seen him around in a while. How is his mom doing?’’

‘’Mom…’’

Fenna shrugged. ‘’What? Can’t I just catch up with my kids and show interest in their lives and what they are up to?’’

‘’I guess.’’

‘’Finance issues have been a big concern these past months, but you’re important too. Why don’t we invite Lucas for dinner this Friday?’’

At the mention of Lucas, Jens’ heart clenched painfully. He had just introduced him to his mom last week and it went so well - she _adored_ Lucas - and now he was going to announce to her that they were no longer together.

‘’I…it’s too late. We’re not together anymore.’’ Jens’ eyes filled with water, the realisation of he and Lucas’ break up fully sinking in.

Seeing the tears in her son’s eyes, Jens’ mom did what any good mom would do and pulled him into a hug. At first, Jens didn’t respond to her hug, but he gave in as she started stroking his hair, soon feeling his tears saturate the shoulder of her shirt.

It was the first time in a long time that Jens had crumbled like that and cried in his mother’s arms. He hadn’t done that since their family dog died when he was eight.

Heartbreaks had never been something Fenna had to help her son through. Jens didn’t cry over girls - it was usually the opposite. But, seeing the situation reversing, Jens’ mom understood how much Lucas must’ve meant to him.

She held her son and felt his pain, trying her best to comfort him. ‘’Give him time,’’ she said, hope in her voice. ‘’Time fixes things. Look at your father. He’s on the right track.’’

Jens lifted his head from his mother’s shoulder, wiping his tears away, getting serious. ‘’About that… Mom, there’s something I need to tell you.’’ He paused, dragging time.

Fenna furrowed her eyebrows.

.

**Wednesday, February 26th**

Jens thought seeing his friends would do him good, that he’d feel a little better, but he was still feeling like _shit_. He watched as Robbe and Aaron were animatedly talking about a new vlog idea, Moyo joining in and adding to their idea.

‘’What do you think, Jens?’’ Robbe asked.

He shrugged.

‘’Anyone want beers?’’ Moyo offered everyone, getting immediate nods from Robbe and Aaron. ‘’You?’’ he asked Jens, who shook his head.

‘’I’ll pass.’’

The three boys exchanged a look, surprised.

‘’Do you have a fever, bro?’’ Aaron said, laughing and checking the raven haired boy’s forehead only to be swatted away by an annoyed Jens.

‘’Yeah, when do you ever refuse a beer?’’

‘’I don’t feel like drinking tonight. Is that not allowed?’’

He slumped into the armchair and looked down, picking at a loose thread on his hoodie. Not only was this hoodie his favorite, but Lucas had worn it a couple times - looking adorable as hell in it - and, if Jens brought the collar close enough to his nose, he could smell the faint scent of Lucas’ cologne.

‘’Is…is it Lucas?’’ Robbe asked hesitantly, almost whispering the boy’s name. He didn’t want to out Jens to Aaron and Moyo, but he had a feeling that Lucas had something to do with his best friend’s mood. He recognized the symptoms of a broken heart.

Jens stopped playing with the thread and nodded.

Aaron frowned. ‘’Lucas? As in the Dutch kid? The one you invited to the bar last Friday?’’ he asked, making sure they were talking about the same person.

‘’Yeah…’’

‘’What happened?’’ Robbe continued.

While ignoring the question and putting up a front would be easier, these were his best friends, his _broerrrs_. He didn’t need to hide behind his walls anymore, not with them.

‘’I fucked up and…I think we broke up.’’

‘’Wait, you’re gay too?’’ Aaron said confusedly, putting two and two together.

’’Who’s gay too?’’ Moyo asked, returning with the beers, handing one each to Aaron and Robbe before sitting back on the couch and cracking it open.

Jens sighed, pushing his head in his hands. ‘’I’m _not_ gay…’’

Moyo choked as he took a sip of his beer. “You too?”

Jens groaned in annoyance. “I’m not gay, I’m _bisexual_. There is a difference,’’ he explained. ‘’But that’s not what this is about. I fucked up and now Lucas completely pushed me out of his life. I tried calling him, I sent texts too, but he’s purposely ignoring me. All because I took fucking Xanax…’’

Robbe blinked, alarmed at the infamous drug. ‘’Xanax? Jens, that shit is dangerous-’’

‘’I _know_. Don’t worry. It cost me Lucas, I’m not taking that shit again,’’ he said with the most serious tone.

Despite his promise, Robbe wasn’t fully reassured. Xanax addiction was very common among teenagers and young adults, Robbe was worried his best friend had slipped into that rabbit hole. ‘’You should’ve called me-’’ he started, but Jens cut him.

‘’I _tried_ calling you on Saturday, but you didn’t answer. I don’t blame you for spending time with Sander, I’m happy for you two, but sometimes I really need my best friend. Especially when I fuck up this bad.’’

‘’Why did you tell us sooner?’’ Moyo asked, speaking for everyone.

‘’Because I don’t like venting about my problems and I’d rather try solving them by myself than bothering people. Including you all. It’s nothing personal, it’s just who I am. And, as if it wasn’t enough, Lucas isn’t the only thing that’s not going right in my life. Things are pretty shit at home too.’’

‘’You’re not alone with problems, you know? We all have our struggles. My dad and I still aren’t getting along, Aaron is failing classes and is worried he won’t graduate with us and Moyo…can’t get any girls,’’ Robbe explained, adding a touch of humor and teasing his friend.

Moyo shoved him. ‘’Hey! I have more serious problems than girls…’’

The three boys laughed, lightening the mood. Jens had been so confined in his own bubble of sadness these past few days that he forgot the best remedy for heartbreaks: your friends. Not everyone can count on their friend to lift their spirits and make them feel better. Not everyone has friends they can count on, friends who are always there for them. But Jens was one of the lucky people who did and he promised himself that he would never forget it again.

‘’We’re bros, right?’’ Moyo asked, looking at him. The raven haired one nodded. “Next time, come to us, okay?”

“Noted.’’ Jens flashed him a smile. ‘’Moyo? Maybe I’ll reconsider that beer.”

.

**Thursday, February 27th**

The bell rang and dismissed class for lunch. Jens was waiting for the guys when he spotted Robbe and waved him over. They exchanged their classic fist-bumps and started walking in the direction of the lunch room.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me. You were right. I’m always with Sander. I need to get better at balancing my time. So…I decided that this weekend will be a best friends weekend. Just you and me.”

Jens scoffed. He was flattered that Robbe wanted to make time for him and spend time together like the old days, but he didn’t want to stand in Sander’s way. “You don’t need to cancel your plans with Sander for me. I’m fine, Robbe.’’

The brunet shook his head. “You are important too and, it’s true, we don’t spend time together anymore. I miss you too.’’

Jens rolled his eyes. Robbe was such a sap sometimes.

“How are you feeling after yesterday? At least Aaron and Moyo took it better than when I came out.”

“Okay, I guess.’’ Jens shrugged, not wanting to get all emotional at school. ‘’It still really sucks to see him everyday and not-”

Jens stopped speaking as Lucas reached them, ignoring Robbe and looked at Jens directly in the eyes, looking a little on edge. ‘’Do you have anything on you? Weed or whatever,’’ he asked, skipping greetings.

Jens’ heart jumped in his chest, seeing Lucas was so close to him for the first time in a week. He was so close that he could smell his cologne and see the light freckles on his face. Lucas wore that pink sweatshirt Jens loved so much and he just wanted to grab his face and kiss him, run his fingers into his curly locks. But he couldn’t. They weren’t together anymore, Jens had lost that privilege.

Lucas repeated his question, impatient. ‘’ _Jens_?’’

‘’I… They’re in my locker,’’ he responded. _I couldn’t keep them at home anymore_ , he almost added. ‘’Why?’’

‘’What’s your locker code?’’

Jens’ frown deepened. ‘’I don’t understand-’’

‘’The cops are here. They’re raiding the school for drugs and shit,’’ Lucas explained, dead serious.

Panic rose inside Jens’ head. The cops? He was totally fucked. What had he been thinking selling drugs on campus? The last guy that worked this area got busted and now he was going to be _next_.

‘’Give me your locker number and I’ll take care of it.’’

Jens shook his head. ‘‘I can’t ask you to do that-’’

‘’I’m offering.’’

As much as he didn’t want Lucas to do this for him and risk himself, Jens had no other choice. If he went to his own locker to get rid of the drugs, he would fail to not look suspicious. He was already freaking out as it was, there was no way he’d succeed smoothly.

Why was Lucas offering him his help though? Why did he come to him to warn him about the cops raiding the school? Jens didn’t understand.

Jens nodded, giving Lucas his locker number as a last resort.

.

**Friday, February 28th**

_Michiel_. Jens had completely forgot about him. With everything that happened this past week, Michiel and the pusher job had slipped out of his mind. Michiel, on the other hand, hadn’t forgotten about him.

Jens was on the bus ride home when he felt his phone buzz in his jacket’s pocket. He pulled it out, assuming it was Robbe asking when he was coming over, but it wasn’t his best friend.

 **Michiel:** Haven’t seen you in almost three weeks. Where’s my cash?

 _Shit_. Jens’ eyes widen, staring at the message. What was he going to do?

Lucas had flushed everything down the toilet yesterday and there was _nothing_ left. Not even a couple pills. Jens still had some money at home from what he sold since his last visit to Michiel’s, but the rest had been swallowed by his school’s toilet and he had no way of getting it back. They must be all dissolved by now.

As the cops were raiding the school, getting rid of the pills sounded like the best idea, but didn’t he think of the consequences it would bring.

Telling Michiel wasn’t an option. He trusted him and if Jens told him he almost got busted at school, Michiel will end their business. There must’ve been over 100€ worth of narcotics in that bag, there’s no way Michiel won’t notice the missing money.

.

Jens’ backpack was packed, resting at the foot of the bed, ready to take and go when Robbe will get back from Sander’s. Although they said it was a best friends only weekend, Jens told Robbe it was okay if he went to his boyfriend’s for a couple hours. After all, a couple hours won’t change anything to their plan.

To kill time, Jens had turned on his laptop and started filling in descriptions and putting up pictures for everything he wanted to sell. He didn’t have much to sell, just some video games he didn’t play anymore, a pair of rollerblades he never wore and more, but there was no other solution. He _had_ to pay for the pills Lucas threw away.

Hopefully, people will buy his stuff.

There was a knock on his door and the handle jiggled, slowly opening.

‘’Lotte, Mom told you to go to bed two times alread-’’ Jens interrupted himself, his breath catching as he saw Lucas standing in his doorway instead of his sister. ‘’ _Luc_?’’

He put his laptop aside and stood, his feet taking him to the Dutch boy embarrassingly fast. Standing in front of Lucas, Jens just stared at him, suddenly not knowing what to do, getting flashbacks from that first time he picked up Lucas from the train station.

‘’What are you doing here? I thought it was your mom’s weekend?’’ he asked, surprised to see him.

Lucas shook his head. ‘‘I called her from the train station. I told her a boy I really liked needed me,’’ he explained. Lucas’ eyes were soft when he looked up, blue irises meeting Jens’ brown ones, the bags under them not going unnoticed.

A flush of pink spread on Jens’ cheeks and he looked away. Lucas still liked him. Hearing this confirmation made Jens’ heart swell and gave him a sliver of hope for them. _Maybe_ he hadn’t lost Lucas completely.

‘’I’m sorry.’’

Jens frowned, looking up at Lucas confusedly. ‘’What are you apologizing for? I’m the one who fucked up.’’

‘’And I’m the one who left when you needed me most. I broke my promise to you. I said I’d be there for you, yet I ran away.’’ The brunet reached for Jens’ hands, taking them into his own. ‘'I’m sorry, Jens. I made a mistake and it took me time away to realize it.”

‘’I was in the wrong too. I shouldn’t have taken those pills in the first place. I didn’t lie when I said I was just selling them. It was the truth, but two days later, I found myself desperate enough to reach into the bag and take one.‘’

Lucas shuddered, getting uncomfortable with their current subject. ‘’I know you’re probably thinking I overreacted, but Xanax is a big deal to me and not without a reason.’’ He paused, taking a deep breath, about to unveil a dark secret. ‘’Before my mom was diagnosed with Schizophrenia, they misdiagnosed her. The psychiatrist said Schizophrenia is tricky to diagnose fully and they often don’t get it right the first time. They gave her a bunch of new pills to try out and one of them was Xanax. She quickly got addicted and it sent her to the hospital. We…I almost _lost_ her.’’

After all those times Lucas expressed his opposition and fear regarding Xanaxs, it didn’t cross Jens’ mind that there might have been a deeper reason than what you see in headlines. That something traumatizing might’ve happened to Lucas or a close one. Jens felt dumb now. If he had known, he wouldn’t have tried it. He never meant to freak Lucas out.

‘’When I saw you taking one, I panicked. I saw flashbacks before my eyes and I was scared that I would have to go through this again, that it would happen to you. So, I ran away and pushed you away instead of helping you and being there for you. I thought I was doing the right thing and that staying away and cutting ties with you would spare me from going through this again, but I realized that leaving you might cause more damage. I was raised and taught to support my loved ones through their struggles and I let you down.’’

His hands had begun to shake into Jens’, scary flashbacks and emotions clouding his mind, voice faltering. Seeing Lucas’ reaction, Jens pulled him into his arms, holding him close. In response, Lucas tightened his arms around Jens, pushing his face in his chest. His hold was a bit too tight, forcing Jens to draw shorter breaths, but he didn’t say anything. He let Lucas take the comfort he needed.

‘’It’s over. I’m not taking them anymore. After losing you, I realized it wasn’t worth it.’’

While it made Lucas happy that Jens was no longer taking Xanax - or any kind of benzodiazepines -, stopping for someone else wasn’t the correct way to recover, it was a recipe for _relapses_.

He pulled back and looked up at Jens. ‘’You can’t do it for me; you have to do it for yourself. You have to want to get better for yourself, not someone else. Otherwise, it won’t work.’’

‘’I know.’’ Jens ran his hand through Lucas’ curls, brushing away his fringe from his eyes. ‘’But losing you _is_ what made me realize that taking those pills wasn’t worth it. It’s the truth, Luc. Whether you believe it or not. They don’t make my life better the same way you do. They don’t make me feel as good as you do. _Nothing_ does. I would be a fucking idiot to chose them over you.’’

Lucas was looking back at him as he listened, reading the honesty in Jens’s eyes as his own heart was filling with warmth. A small smile tugged on his lips. Lucas knew he shouldn’t accept it and that it wasn’t healthy to be someone’s anchor - not like that -, but hearing that Jens wanted to recover because of him and not _for_ him was different. It changed everything.

‘’Do you want to stay the night?’’ Jens offered as they broke from the kiss, not ready to leave Lucas again. He was still wearing his jacket and Jens wanted nothing more than to tug it off his shoulders and take him to bed to cuddle.

“Are your parents okay with this?” He had never slept over and didn’t break a rule or get on Jens’ parents’ bad side for sleeping over.

Jens almost rolled his eyes, settling for a small snort instead. “My mom is rooting for you, I doubt she’d say no.”

A smug grin spread on Lucas’s lips. ‘’I’ll stay, then. I came here straight from the train station so I have my bag with me.’’ Lucas motioned to his backpack by the door where he dropped it when he arrived, tired of carrying its weight around.

‘’Does that mean you’ll stay for the whole weekend?’’

‘’We’ll see.’’

.

An hour later he got a text from Robbe, saying he was on his way. _Shit_. Jens had completely forgotten about their best friends weekend. He had otehr things on his mind since Lucas showed up.

Turning back to look at the boy in his bed, he smiled and gave him a light kiss on the head.

Jens pulled up the camera app, sending Robbe a quick picture of a sleeping Lucas as explanation, his face barely visible in the darkness of Jens’ room. Seconds later, Robbe wished them a good night and Jens put his phone away.

‘’I love you,’’ Jens whispered, watching Lucas’ relaxed, sleeping face, so grateful and blessed for having him back.

Eyes closed, Lucas smiled and kissed Jens’ bare chest, making the latter still, realizing Lucas wasn’t asleep. ‘’I love you too.’’


	9. Chapter 9

**Saturday, February 29th**

Feeling the bed shift next to him, a smile broke out on Jens' face as he remembered last night's events. His plans had completely shifted and he couldn't be more happy - sorry, Robbe.

His heart began to swell, filled with endless happiness. He had thought Lucas was asleep when he confessed his feelings to him. That's why Jens allowed himself to say those three words. Given the Dutch boy's steady and slow breathing, he should've been asleep - but he wasn't -, which turned out to be a good thing. If he had been, Lucas wouldn't have reciprocated the words.

Jens felt his smile deepen. Lucas loved him back. Life couldn't be better.

At least, at 8am on a Saturday.

Lucas woke up not long after Jens, both still sleepy but also needy. He nuzzled his face into Jens' neck and along his shoulder, fighting sleep. That boy was _really_ cuddly in the morning. Not that Jens minded.

Jens wished all his mornings would be like this. Warm, lazy and filled with kisses from the prettiest boy. It was as close to a perfect morning as it could get.

Lucas bit Jens' bottom lip and let it go with a 'pop'. ''Do we have any plans for today? Or are we staying in bed all day? Not that I'd mind.''

'' _We_?''

The brunet hummed, blue irises looking up at Jens. ''I told you. It's my mom's weekend. I don't need to go home. I can stay here instead.''

A content smile formed on Jens' lips. ''I'd like that very much.''

Now that Jens had come out to the boys, he could officially introduce Lucas to them, but staying home and keeping Lucas for himself sounded better. Much better.

He leaned down to join their lips together, one of his hands sliding under the blanket and down Lucas' body. His hand was about to slide inside Lucas' boxers when his bedroom door opened and Lotte walked in, forcing their little 'fun' to end before it even started.

''Lucas!'' she squealed, eyes sparkling with joy the second she saw him in her brother's bed. Lotte jumped on the bed with them, clueless about what almost happened. ''I didn't know you were here.''

Lucas forced an awkward smile, cheeks flushed from the situation.

''Does Mama know?''

''Yes.''

Lotte knitted her eyebrows, staring at her brother, trying to figure out if he was lying. ''That's a lie. If she had known, you wouldn't have been startled when I came in.''

Jens groaned. If only she knew _why_ he was startled... ''Lotte, can you go bother someone else? It's 8am, let me go back to sleep.''

''No! Dad left for work so Mama and I are making waffles downstairs.'' She turned to Lucas. ''Are you staying for breakfast, Lucas?''

The brunet cleared his voice. ''I guess I am.''

Grinning, Lotte took Lucas' hand and tugged, trying to drag him out of bed, but the curly haired one stayed under the covers, very aware that he was only wearing underwear. No matter how much he loved Jens' mom and sister, he didn't feel comfortable enough to be walking around like that in front of Jens' family.

''Why don't you go and make sure Mom doesn't burn the pancakes? We'll join you in a minute.''

.

**Sunday, March 1st**

Spending the weekend at Jens' made room for a _lot_ of awkward situations.

Yesterday, Lucas almost stumbled into Jens' dad when exiting the bathroom after his shower. Is there any better way to be introduced to someone? Lucas wanted to be swallowed by the ground. Then, he got caught mid-changing by Lotte. Thankfully, his pants were still on.

Their making out session had been cut short this morning when Jens' mom walked in, catching them kissing in Jens' bed. Fenna didn't say anything, both boys being still fully clothed. She just deposited the pile of clean clothes and left, leaving the door wide open instead of just ajar. _Message received_.

Later in the afternoon, Jens decided to leave the house to get some fresh air - aka freedom.

While he was grateful that his parents agreed to have Lucas spending the weekend over - and sleeping in his bed -, he was tired of his family breathing down his neck or constantly being interrupted by his sister. They couldn't even sleep in or have some morning cuddles without Lotte coming in and jumping on the bed. Jens really needed to learn to lock the door.

It was cloudy and gray outside - a bit cold too -, but Jens wanted some time alone with Lucas. Can you blame him?

Spoon still in his mouth, Lucas hummed, eyes closed. ''This cake.''

''It's good, uh?''

The brunet nodded avidly, cutting another piece of his cake with his spoon. ''You, Belgians know how to make desserts.''

Jens shook his head, smiling. ''You and your sweet tooth...''

As if a cake wasn't sweet enough, Lucas had ordered the sweetest one on the menu: _a chocolate mousse cake_. Even though Luc had told Jens how much he _loved_ chocolate, he didn't realize until now exactly how big of a sweet tooth he really had.

Jens watched the thick, yet smooth chocolate mousse disappear into the brunet's mouth. He cleared his throat and averted his eyes, reminding himself where they were. He tried to keep his mind from wandering to a dangerous place, but it wasn't easy. It seemed, sometimes, like Lucas made every minor actions somewhat suggestive, and he knew exactly the effect it would have on Jens.

''Want a taste?'' Lucas asked, raising an eyebrow.

Turning his attention back to him, Jens nodded. Why not? He wasn't a big fan of desserts, but the chocolate mousse seemed really tasty. He opened his mouth, ready to taste the sweet desert, but Lucas put the spoon in his own mouth, making Jens frown and pout.

''Hey! That was for me.''

Lucas shrugged. ''Sorry, but this cake is just too good to share.''

''Tease''

Smiling smugly, Lucas blew him a kiss over the table before returning to his plate.

Jens pulled up his phone, snapped a picture of Lucas - he was just too cute to not capture this moment - when a notification from the selling app popped up. ''Yes!''

Lucas glanced at his boyfriend, confused.

''Someone is interested in something I'm selling,'' Jens explained.

''What are you selling?''

''Oh, just games I don't play anymore.'' He shrugged. ''They were collecting dust.''

It wasn't a huge sale. Only some game at 7€, but, it was 7€ less to find to pay back the drugs Lucas had flushed.

Lucas frowned, taking a sip of his fancy coffee. ''Why are you selling your video games online? Can't you go to a game store for that? Jayden does it all the time.''

''Yeah, but they only offer discounts on other games. I need money.''

''What for?''

Jens sighed. He didn't want to involve Lucas any more in his problems, but he already knew about the drugs, so why not. ''Remember when you saved my ass and got rid of the drugs in my locker? Well, my dealer texted me and he wants his money. I have some cash from the weed I sold and other stuff, but what has been flushed needs to be paid too. I can't just tell him I almost got caught and had to get rid of them.''

''I can help. It's partly my fault that you have to repay him.''

Jens shook his head. ''No. It's my fault that I'm caught in this shit.''

''And, it's my fault that they're in the sewers somewhere in Antwerp.'' Lucas paused. ''We could always try to retrieve them...''

Jens wrinkled his nose in disgust. The pills had probably all dissolved by now anyway. ''Ew, gross.''

''So, are you taking my offer?'' Jens hesitated and Lucas smiled at him. ''You can pay me back if you want to. In cash or...other,'' he added, winking over the table.

''I'll think about it.''

.

**Monday, March 2nd**

''What the fuck, man? Why did you shoot me?''Jens asked through the headphone's mic as his character received a bullet to the chest.

''Sorry, I thought it was Aaron.''

Jens laughed, looking around on his TV screen to find Aaron and shoot him, laughing harder as he did so.

''Hey! Why is everyone trying to kill me?''

''Because it's fun,'' Moyo responded.

paused his video game when he saw Michiel's name on the screen. He bit his lip anxiously before opening the message.

 **Michiel:** Where's my cash, kid? Ghosting me won't work. I need it by Thursday. Or else...

Jens stared at the screen for what felt like a lifetime. Michiel was now _threatening_ him. Jens had to do something quick or he was going to be in real danger. Who knew what Michiel - or his men - were capable of? He couldn't tell Lucas why he had suddenly changed his mind and he felt bad for asking his boyfriend for money - Lucas wasn't his personal banker -, but he needed the money sooner rather than later.

 **Jens:** Is your offer still standing? I don't think I'll sell enough shit by Thursday

 **Lucas:** I told you I'd help, didn't I?

 **Lucas:** When do you need it for?

 **Jens:** Thursday

 **Lucas:** Want me to come with?

 **Jens:** No. I'll be fine

 **Lucas:** Is that supposed to be reassuring?

 **Jens:** I'll be fine, Luc

 **Lucas:** Okay... but I want you to text me when you get there and when you leave just so I know you are safe

 **Jens:** 👍

.

**Wednesday, March 4th**

The television was playing loudly when Fenna returned from work, some sort of anime on the big screen. She furrowed her eyebrows at the unfamiliar characters, her heart aching at the explicit content flashing across the screen. How can teenagers watch that?

''Sorry for finishing so late. There was a big car accident and I had to do extra time to help,'' she explained, removing her jacket and setting her bag down. ''Did Lotte eat already?''

''No, I let her starve,'' the teenager answered from the couch.

Fenna gave her son a look. ''Jens...''

He flashed his mother a smile. ''I'm joking. I reheated last night's leftovers.''

''Good. Where's is she?''

''Upstairs playing in her room. Want me to tell her to come down?''

Before he could call Lotte down, Fenna shook her head. ''No. That's good, actually. I wanted to talk to you.''

Jens frowned, trying to read his mother's face but failing. She came around to sit on the couch and he turned down the volume of the television.

''You...you were right. About your father. He lied to my face about this job, he lied to all of us.'' Fenna closed her eyes, her husband's lie still fresh.

She had gone to see Mohamed on her lunch break between shifts since the hospital wasn't far from his new office - and he wasn't answering his phone. When Fenna got there, she asked to see him and was told that he didn't work there and _never_ had.

''After a lot of difficult thinking, I made a decision and I wanted you to be the first to know about it. Your father and I will be separating.''

''As in a _divorce_?''

Fenna nodded slowly. She didn't want to get a divorce - nobody does. Divorce felt like a _failure_ to a lot of people. But, it was the right choice to make. ''I still love your father, but sometimes love isn't enough. Money might not buy happiness, but without money, we can't live in this house.''

'' _We_?'' Jens repeated. ''That means we're going to...move?''

Exhaling a breath, Fenna nodded sadly. ''I didn't want to. I did everything in my power to stay here, but I can't afford this house on my own.''

Jens swallowed thickly, a wave of sadness flowing in. He wasn't one to get attached to things, but _loved_ this house. He spent his whole life here. Every corner and walls held a memory. The staircase where he broke his arm when he fell with his bike when he was five, the dining room table where him and his mom used to sit and work on his spelling homework, his bedroom where he had his first makeout session _and_ the place he lost his virginity.

''What about Dad?''

He didn't want to be insensitive, but where will his father go? Clearly, he won't be following them after the divorce.

''His brother lives in Liège, he'll be staying with him for a moment. Or, so he said.''

Jens nodded. Maybe a change of scenery will be good for him. Maybe it'll help him get back on track.

.

**Thursday, March 5th**

His hands were clammy as he crossed the street, seeing Michiel's building in his line of sight. After his parents' divorce announcement, Jens wasn't in the mood to meet with Michiel, but he didn't really have the choice. Michiel had been clear: he wanted his money. He didn't care whatever was happening in Jens' personal life.

All the money was in his left pocket, feeling heavy, and a worried Lucas was in the other, sending him texts every ten seconds.

Jens stood on the doorstep and rang the doorbell, stress growing in his stomach. He bit his lip as he waited, going still when the door opened and the same big guy who was there the first time stood there.

''Long time no see,'' he pointed out.

''Is Michiel here? I have his money.''

The man nodded and let Jens in, the door shutting loudly behind.

.

''So, it's over? No more drug dealing shit?''

Jens hummed. ''It's over.'' He kissed Lucas in the middle. ''No more drug dealing shit.''

Lucas rolled his eyes at the small mockery. ''Good.'' He sighed, relieved.

After leaving Michiel's, Jens came over to Lucas' to reassure him and take advantage of Mr. Van Der Heijden being at work. They hadn't had a lot of alone time during the weekend despite Lucas sleeping over, so it was nice to be just the two of them again.

Lucas led them to the couch and cuddled against Jens, being the cuddle-bear he will never admit to be. Some things were just for Jens and him to know.

''I could fall asleep right here and now,'' Lucas pointed, closing his eyes as Jens played with his curls, twirling the soft ringlets between his fingers.

''Am I that much of a bore? Because I can go home if-''

Clutching a fistful of Jens' hoodie, Lucas made a protest noise. ''Don't you dare.''

Jens laughed and kissed his forehead, feeling Lucas pulling him in closer. He was keenly aware of Lucas' wants and needs and cuddling was Lucas' unspoken signal of reassurance that he would always be there for him.

''So, now that you've met my family, when am I going to meet yours?'' Jens asked, mildly teasing, breaking the comfortable silence first.

Lucas grew quiet, staring down at the carpet in front of the couch, the shades of browns and greys suddenly very interesting.

''Do you...not want me to meet your parents or something?'' Jens asked, silently hoping it wasn't that.

The brunet sat up, removing himself from Jens' hold. ''No, no. That not- It's just, I've never introduced someone to my parents...like that.''

''You mean a guy?''

''No girls either, if it reassures you,'' Lucas added with a bit of humor.

''You've told your mom about me, though?''

''Yes, but it's complicated. With my mom, we can't just schedule a date and have dinner all together. She might get anxious or she can- _So many_ things can go wrong.''

''Or it could go well.''

Lucas sighed, moving away from his boyfriend's touch. ''Jens...''

''And, your dad?''

‘’My dad’s a dick. I only moved with him because the judge said I had to. It was that or going to a foster family. My dad might be a dick, but he’s not the worst. There’s kids out there that need fostering more than me, some who are stuck in abusive families or even _orphans_. I would’ve felt bad for taking someone’s place. Entering the foster system would’ve also meant not seeing my mom anymore and I _can’t_ renounce to that.’’ Lucas paused, swallowing his emotions. ‘’She needs me. I’m _all_ she has left. I can’t do that to her.’’

By the way his voice was strained, Jens could tell that it was still a difficult subject. Lucas was close to his mother. Hearing his story made Jens wonder how bad her mental illness was. If a judge had declared her _inapte_ to take care of him, it must be serious. It was also so sad to hear that her husband had completely pushed her out of his life just because of her mental illness. She was lucky to have a son like Lucas.

As much as he wanted to meet Lucas’ parents, it wasn’t worth putting Lucas - nor his parents - in this state. Causing trouble in his boyfriend’s family wasn’t what Jens wanted.

He shook his head. ‘’Forget what I said, okay? I’ll meet them when you’re ready. No pressure.’’ He flashed Lucas a small smile which got reciprocated.

Lucas nodded, grateful to have someone as understanding as Jens. ‘’I love you.’’

‘’I love you,’’ Jens repeated, pulling the smaller one back into his hold.

.

**Friday, March 6th**

‘’Is Lucas coming?’’ Aaron asked, leaning against the kitchen counter.

Jens nodded, taking a sip of his beer. ‘’He said he’s on his way.’’

An eager smile spread on Aaron’s lips. ‘’So, I’m gonna _meet_ him?’’ he added, unable to contain his excitement.

‘’You’ve met Lucas before...’’

‘’Yeah, but not as your _boyfriend_. This is a big deal-’’

‘’Aaron…’’

He shrugged. ‘’What? I didn't say it the other day, but I’m happy for you. I liked Jana, but Lucas is much cooler. At least he skates with us instead of sitting and watching.’’

Jens raised an eyebrow. ‘’Cooler than Sander?’’

‘’Don’t push.’’

After Robbe, Aaron was Sander’s biggest fan. He was never shy to voice how much admiration he had for him whether it was his flirting tactics, his confidence, romantic gestures or how good looking he was. It even became a running joke in the gang that if Sander wasn't already taken by Robbe, the curly haired one would tempt his chance.

‘’Your boy is here,’’ Aaron pointed out, nudging Jens as he saw Lucas walking in.

Jens looked up, watching as Lucas squeezed a path between the dancing girls in the living room and some shotgun drinkers. He grimaced at the mess it was making on the floor and scanned the room, trying to find his boyfriend, fastening his pace when he spotted him and Aaron in the kitchen.

Jens greeted him with a kiss, getting some cooing from Aaron. Could he be _more_ annoying? Lucas leaned into Jens as the latter hooked an arm over his shoulder, pulling him close.

‘’So, you’re Jens’ _boyfriend_?’’

Jens rolled his eyes and groaned. ‘’Let’s go look for Moyo and Robbe.’’

.

They all sat in the bathroom, passing around weed and booze, like the old days. Moyo had brought some weed and smoke was rapidly filling the bathroom as they all blew their thick, grey puffs into the air.

It was the first time they all hung out together - Lucas and Sander included. Jens and Lucas squeezed in next to Robbe and Sander in the tub, laughing as Aaron vented about his latest romantic gesture that turned into an epic fail. Honestly, when does it not?

''I had the room all set up and everything,’’ he explained. ‘’Candles, flower petals, her favorite scented bath stuff, but then her mom came home and ruined my surprise before we could even get in the water. I tried telling Amber that we can still go in, but she said it was too weird if her mom was in the house.’’

 _Amber’s bathtub_. Lucas shared glances with Jens, memories of their first kiss flowing in.

Sander sighed. ‘’Robbe’s the same, he won’t-’’

Knowing where this was going, Robbe didn’t let Sander finish his sentence, covering his mouth with his hand before he could say any more, refusing to let this turn into another let’s tell Aaron about our sex-life episode.

‘’Why did you stop? It was getting interesting,’’ Aaron complained.

‘’Quit encouraging Sander into telling you stuff. It’s _private_.’’

‘’And weird,’’ Jens added, backing his best friend.

‘’You’re the one who used to brag about sex-’’

Jens rolled his eyes. ‘’I don't _brag_ …’’

He did tell everyone about losing his virginity and the sex he had with Jana - what else does fifteen years old do? And, he ranted about that toothpaste tip...a lot, but he wasn’t on Aaron’s level of bragging.

‘’Well, if you really want to know, there’s this amazing thing Jens does with his-’’ Lucas stopped himself, a smug grin on his lips. ‘’Did you really think I was going to tell you?’’

‘’I like him,’’ Moyo commented, giving Lucas a high five.

The gesture didn’t go unnoticed by Jens. It was nice to see that Lucas was integrating well into their group.

“So, since we have two new guys in the group, maybe we should get to know you both better?” Aaron suggested, waiting for his turn to take a puff.

“Dude, why do you always have to be in everyone's business?” Moyo asked.

''Don’t you know Sander enough already? You've pestered him with questions ever since Robbe said they were dating,’’ Jens said, making Robbe laugh.

Lucas felt his phone buzz and reached into his pocket to see who it was. Noting the number, he silenced the call and put his phone back in his pocket, returning his attention to the boys.

Aaron shrugged. “I’m just trying to get to know my best friends' boyfriends. If they are important to them, I want to get to know them better and let them know we care enough to get to know them.”

Sander snorted. “How profound and thoughtful of you, Aaron. I feel much more appreciated.”

Robbe laughed as Jens grabbed the joint from Moyo and took a hit. He had hesitated at first, remembering recent events, but figured that weed was a better coping method than Xanax. And, he wasn’t going to let himself get so high. Just a couple puffs to have a nice buzz.

He was about to hand it to Lucas when his phone went off - again. Sighing, Lucas pulled it out of his jacket and frowned.

‘’Gotta take this. It’s the third time he’s called, it must be important. I’ll be right back.’’

Jens nodded and watched as Lucas rose to his feet, leaving Jens’ side and headed outside to answer the phone call in a more quiet place.

The second the door closed, Sander whistled. ‘’I didn’t believe Robbe when he told me you two got together. Does he still steal your fries?’’

Rolling his eyes, Jens shook his head.

Minutes later, the door opened and Lucas’ face was worried and distraught, his previous lightness and drunken happiness completely gone.

Jens furrowed his eyebrows. ‘’Luc?’’ He sat up, recognizing a frantic and panicked behavior.

‘’I-I gotta go,’’ he simply said, ignoring Jens’ question and grabbing his jacket on the edge of the tub before leaving again, not saying ‘bye’ to anyone.

The boys watched confusedly and gave Jens a look, but the latter wasn’t paying attention to them, his eyes focused solely on Lucas. Jens stood, handing the joint back to Robbe, and went after his boyfriend, wondering what he had been told on the phone that made him want to leave the party so fast.

He didn't catch up to him until they were outside, the amount of people inside the house made it difficult to get a hold of Lucas. The evening wind hit his face the second he stepped out, sending a shiver down Jens’ back. He grabbed Lucas’ arm when he was close enough to reach and made him stop.

‘’Slow down, Luc. Why are you leaving?'' he asked, releasing his arm.

Lucas turned around, eyes filled with tears but he fought them. ''My dad. He said-'' He interrupted himself, shaking his head, voice trembling and faulty as he spoke.

Jens frowned, going immediately into comforting mode. Something was up, but the Dutch boy was talking so fast and the panic in his voice made it more difficult for Jens to understand what he was saying.

He lifted Lucas' chin, catching sight of his glassy blue eyes. ''Hey...tell me what’s going on. I can’t help you or understand if you don’t tell me.’’

‘’My mom. It’s- She’s going to be admitted to a clinic, I… I have to go.’’


	10. Chapter 10

**Saturday, March 7th**

They arrived late in Utrecht. Or, _early_. 

Lucas’ father had refused to make the drive but allowed him to go and take the train if he wanted to. Jens get that they were divorced, but still. She was his ex-wife, the mother of his child. She must still have a place in his heart. 

Apparently not.

Lucas had been fidgety and tense during the whole train ride, biting his lip and checking his phone every ten seconds in case there were any updates from his dad - who was in contact with the clinic -, but there weren’t. 

Jens felt helpless. He didn’t know what to do or even say, having never been in this situation before. A part of him wanted to comfort Lucas, tell him everything’s going to be okay, but he wasn’t a psychiatrist nor a doctor. He didn’t know shit. 

So, he stayed quiet, his head pressed against the cold window of the train, his right hand holding onto Lucas’ tightly. 

When they got to the train station, someone was there to pick them up. He had blond hair and a darker beard, and seemed older than them. An old friend, Lucas said. He dropped the two teenagers at the clinic and told Lucas to call him if he needed a ride before driving off. 

The door of the clinic was unlocked despite being the middle of the night. They walked in and the lady at the front desk frowned, seeing Jens and Lucas walking into the building. ‘’Hello. How may I help you?’’ 

‘’My...my mom’s been admitted here a few hours ago,’’ Lucas replied, his voice strained. ‘’I’m here to see her.’’ 

‘’I’m sorry, visits have ended hours ago. You should come back in the morning-’’ 

Alas, Lucas wasn’t taking no for answer tonight. He was scared and worried for his mother and wouldn’t calm down until he sees her.

‘’No! I took a train all the way here. I _have_ to see her,’’ he insisted, hoping the woman will make an exception for him. ‘’She needs me, I- Please.’’ 

Still hesitating, the desk lady glanced at them, noticing the tired look on their faces and the backpack on Lucas’ shoulder and sighed, giving in. ‘’Patient name?’’ 

‘’Lieke Van Der Heijden.’’ 

She typed in the name in her computer, giving Lucas an apologetic look when reading his mother’s file. ‘’I can’t let you go in the room past visiting hours. But, I’ll call up the psychiatrist on shift and he’ll be able to give you details about your mother.’’ 

You could see on Lucas’ face that he wasn’t completely satisfied with the bargain, but it was better than nothing. 

Jens smiled at the woman. ‘’Thank you.’’ 

.

Jens didn’t go in. 

He waited on a couch in the waiting area of the clinic while Lucas went to talk with the doctor, not wanting to intrude Mrs. Van Der Heijden’s privacy. While Lucas wanted him by his side at the clinic, it didn’t mean Jens had to be all up in their businesses. And, if Lucas needed him, he’ll come to him. 

Having nothing else to do, Jens checked his phone, seeing the group chat blowing up with unread messages and a few personal ones from Robbe, asking what was going on and _where the hell he and Lucas went_.

 _Did you guy ditch us to fuck?_ Moyo had bluntly asked.

In another situation, Jens would’ve rolled his eyes and laughed - maybe he would’ve told him to fuck off -, but not tonight. Instead, he he simply told them that Lucas had a family emergency and had to go home - sparing them the whole details for privacy purpose. 

Half an hour later, Lucas returned and filled the empty seat beside Jens. His hair was a mess from touching them so much - a habit he picked up when he was stressed or anxious. Jens slipped his phone back in his pocket, giving his attention to his boyfriend. 

''How is she?''

''Sedated,'' Lucas responded, forgetting to laugh at his own bad joke. ''Sorry.''

Jens shook his head. ''It's okay.'' 

‘’A neighbor called the cops. They said she was acting like a lunatic, throwing out my father's last belongings on her porch since 6am and was planning to redecorate the whole house to 'clean it from his bad energy'. The doctor said it was a psychotic episode. She hasn't been taking her meds for a few weeks.’’ 

Lucas's parents' divorce was messy and heartbreaking. She truly loved Lucas' father - he was her high school lover -, but the man didn't want anything to do with her after being diagnosed although he had vowed to love her in sickness and health. 

‘’I don't understand. She sounded very lucid last week on the phone. I should’ve gone home-’’

Shaking his head, Jens didn’t let him finish. ‘’ _Don’t_ do that. Don’t guilt yourself for something you can’t change. You’re here, now. It’s all that matters.’’ 

‘’If I had been here, I could’ve made sure she was taking her medication. I always do. Sometimes, she forget...and other times, she doesn’t want to take them. When she’s off her medication for too long, things gets bad and she has psychotic episodes. Dad and I tried to have someone from the clinic to come and check up on her, but it’s really expensive and we can’t afford that. That’s what _he_ said. Maybe he doesn't _want_ to pay for her, I don’t know.’’

It was simply an assumption, but Jens hoped it wasn't true. If so, Mr. Van der Heijden was a very shitty person. 

Feeling a wave of tiredness hit him, Jens glanced at the clock in the waiting room and then to Lucas who's head was resting on his shoulder, trying to control his anxious riddled brain. 

‘’It’s late. Should we head...home? You need sleep.’’ 

Lucas shook his head stubbornly. ‘’No. I need to stay here. I need to be there when my mom will wake up.’’

''The clinic had made an exception for a short visit and a conversation with the doctor. You'll have to wait till visiting hours to see her. We can't wait _seven_ hours here.''

The night had been long and stressful and Jens couldn't wait to head to bed. He understood Lucas' want to stay at the clinic, but sleeping in those uncomfortable waiting chair would only make him feel sore and shitty in the morning. Lucas needed rest. Good rest. 

‘’They gave her medication. She’ll be out for a couple more hours. We’ll come back in the morning.’’

‘’But-’’

‘’We can ask the office lady to call you when your mom is awake. How about that?’’

To Jens' relief, Lucas agreed.

.

It was almost 10am when the doorbell rang, stirring Jens from his deep, dreamless sleep. He groaned, the noise keeping going again and again - unable to ignore it. _Who the hell could be at the door so early?_ He almost yelled at Lotte to go open, but remembered he was in Utrecht, at Lucas' house. 

Fighting sleep, Jens opened his eyes - keeping them open was the real challenge here - and saw Lucas still fast asleep beside him. He smiled, soft snores coming from Lucas' slightly parted lips. It took Lucas over an hour to fall asleep this morning, constantly checking his phone every five minutes to see if he had any missed calls from the clinic. Jens had pulled him into his arms and played with his hair, knowing it worked as a kid when his mom would do it. 

Now, the doorbell was getting on Jens' nerves and he wanted it to _stop_. 

Carefully removing himself from Lucas' grasp, Jens got up and searched for his pants from yesterday, not about to answer the door in his boxers. He was barely awake enough to function as he walked down the hallway to get to the door, not caring that he was looking like a mess right now. That’s what a middle of the night bus ride and falling asleep at 4am does to you. 

Before opening the door, Jens checked through the peephole and saw a short girl with curly hair and a boy with darker skin and messy hair whom he recognized as Isa and Kes. 

A frown formed on Isa’s forehead when the door opened, confused why someone else was answering and not her friend. ‘’Who are you? Where’s Luc?’’ 

‘’Erm, I’m Jens. You’re Isa, right?’’

She nodded slowly, still a bit confused until she realized who Jens was. ‘’Oh my god! You’re Luc’ boyfriend aren't you?’’ 

Jens nodded, eyes squinting at the brightness outside. ‘’Does Luc knows you were coming? Did he tell you about-’’ He interrupted himself, uncertain if Isa and Kes knew about Mrs. Van der Heijden’s mental illness. 

Isa hummed. '‘Yeah. I figured he’d be here in the morning.’’ 

Jens didn’t have to invite them in, the two walking right in and making themself home in the living room. 

‘’Where’s Luc?’’ Kes asked, looking around for his best friend. 

‘’He’s sleeping. The night has been long.’’

Kes hummed. ‘’How is he?’’

‘’Not good,’’ Jens honestly responded as he sat down in the armchair. 

The trio didn't have time to engage in much of a conversation, footsteps coming from the hallway a few minutes after sitting down. They tried to be quiet to let Lucas sleep some more, but failed. Or, maybe it was the emptiness in the bad that woke him? 

‘’What are you guys doing here?’’ Lucas asked, seeing his friends and boyfriend in the living room. He was wearing Jens' hoodie, finding the comfort he lacked of when he woke up to an empty bed. 

Isa stood, meeting Lucas halfway and pulled him into a hug. He hugged her back before going to sit with Jens in the armchair, unbothered by his friends' presence. 

Kes, on the other hand, wasn't as nice as Isa and looked at Lucas with hard eyes laced with deception. ‘’Why didn’t you tell me about your mom? I had to learn from Isa who heard it from Liv who was talking with Ralf. We’re _best friends_ , Luc.’’ 

‘’Sorry you weren’t the first thing on my mind when my dad called me to say my mom was in a clinic.''

Kes sighed, changing his tone. ‘’You know I didn’t mean it like that...’’ 

‘’How is she?’’ Isa asked, switching the conversation. 

‘’She’s in a clinic, Isa. How well can she be?’’ Lucas responded, his tone a little too harsh. 

Unhappy with the way he spoke to his friend, Jens put han hand on Lucas’ thigh, a silent way to tell him to not get worked up. Even if Isa’s question was stupid to him, it wasn't a reason to talk to his friends like that. They came here because they cared about Lucas and his mom, not to get yelled at. 

''Have you seen her?'' Kes asked, blaming Lucas' attitude on stress and morning grumpiness. 

''No. Visiting hours were over long ago. I'll be going today.'' 

''Do you need us to come with?''

Although Kes' offer was nice, Lucas already had an emotional support. ''No. Jens is here.'' He leaned into Jens' chest and Jens kissed Lucas' shoulder over the hoodie, confirming his words. 

‘’Tell your mom we say hi, okay?’’ Kes said.

‘’Will do.’’

.

 **Sunday,** **March 8th**

The past two days had been difficult and emotional for Lucas - and Jens, by bias.

Lucas had spent _hours_ at the clinic at his mom's bedside, just sitting there and watching her sleep most of the time, too high on meds to stay awake. Sometimes, she'd talk to him, but never for long. She was happy that her son was here, but also felt guilty that he had to come home just because she went off her meds again. Lucas denied her wrong assumptions and promised her that he had come here on his free will, that he _wanted_ to be with her, but she still insisted that she was disrupting her son's life and being a burden to him like she was to his father. Lucas knew it was the depression and meds talking, but it still hurt. 

When Lucas left his mother's room with tears in his eyes, Jens decided it was enough for the day. Taking care of someone didn't mean allowing them to disturb your own mental health. You need to know when to take some space from them, even if it's just for a few hours. 

Back at Lucas', Jens made them dinner while Lucas took a shower. He was a terrible cook so pastas will have to do - not that there was a lot of options to cook with in the pantries and fridge. Ten minutes later, Lucas came out of his shower and Jens brought the bowls of pastas to the living room. 

''Talk to me. I need a distraction.'' 

''Okay...'' Jens racked his brain, trying to think of something to talk about when he remembered that he hadn't told Lucas about the move yet. ''My parents are separating. My mom, sister and I will be moving.''

By the look on his boyfriend's face, Jens realized he should have added more details in the first place. Now, Lucas must be thinking he's moving from Antwerp. He was supposed to _distract_ him, not make him sadder. _Well done, Jens..._

He shook his head, swallowing his bite of pasta. ''I'm not changing school, don't worry. We are just moving to a new neighborhood where the apartments are cheaper.''

Relief washed over Lucas' face. ''Hopefully closer to mine.'' He smirked and Jens hummed.

They lived relatively close to each other, but they could be closer. Living closer would mean easily meeting up in the middle of the night when one of them couldn't fall asleep instead of texting or take the bus together to school. 

''That would be nice, wouldn't it?''

Lucas nodded before snickering. ''As if we don't see each other almost every day already.'' 

Jens laughed. ''Wanna watch a movie?'' 

The brunet shrugged. ''If you want.'' 

''Any preferences?''

''No, you can choose.''

''You trust my movie taste? Be careful what you wish for. We might end up watching the Notebook or some other chick flick shit.'' 

A small smile curved on Lucas' lips for the first time since Friday and Jens took it as a win.

''I know I must not be fun to be around right now and this probably isn't the weekend you had planned, but I...I’m just not in the mood to do anything. All I can think about it my mom and-’’

Jens shook his head, understanding. ‘’It’s okay. I don’t mind. I like chill nights too. As long as I’m with you.’’

Lucas wrinkled his face in disgust. ‘’Ew. Don’t say that. I’m gonna vomit.’’ 

‘’You don’t like cheesy?’’ 

‘’No. Jens?’’ He hummed in response, but didn’t budge. ’’You might think that you aren’t helping, but you are. By making sure I get enough sleep, eat and don’t get stuck in my head too much. You distract me with movies and cuddles - _lots_ of cuddles. All of this helps me a lot, I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend.’’

''Look who's the cheesy one, now!'' 

''Shut up. This was supposed to be cute, but you ruined it...'' 

.

**Monday, March 9th**

Goodbyes, even temporary ones, always hurt. 

Jens’ arms were around Lucas, holding him tight, dreading the moment they’ll have to part. If it hadn't been for his mother’s request, Jens would’ve stayed longer, but Fenna wasn’t too happy to learn that her son had left the country without any warnings _and_ skipped school. She understood the situation, sending well wishes to Lucas and his mom, but still wanted him to come home. 

Lucas sighed, sad blue eyes looking at Jens. ‘’I don’t want you to go.’’ 

Give it to Jens and Lucas to make their departures dramatic and seem like they were parting for war when it was only a couple days. They had been standing at the train station for half an hour, clinging to each other and being one of _those_ couples. 

‘’I don’t want to either, but I can’t disobey my mom. She’s already mad that I left without warning. Lucky for me, she loves you or else I’d be grounded for _weeks_.’’ 

Lucas smiled before pushing his face in Jens’ shirt, not caring that he was behaving like a baby at the train station. ‘’I’ll miss you,’’ he said quietly.

‘’That’s why I gave you my hoodie. It’ll feel like I’m with you when you close your eyes,’’ Jens explained. He kissed Lucas’ temple, his face hidden from view.

‘’I still prefer the real thing...’’

‘’Me too,’’ Jens agreed. ‘’But, it’ll have to do for now.’’

A voice echoed through the station, warning travelers of the trains that will be leaving soon and, sadly for them, Jens’ train was in the list. Lucas recognized the number and clutched the back of his boyfriend’s shirt, refusing to let go. 

''My train is here,'' Jens announced, trying remove Lucas's grip from him but also not wanting to part either. 

.

**Tuesday, March 10th**

After dinner, Jens sat on the floor, surrounded by the mess of his bedroom. He was folding and packing clothes, getting ready for the move when a text from Lucas came in and distracted him, abandoning the pile of clothes. 

**Lucas:** I don’t know when I’ll come back

 **Jens:** That’s okay. Take your time. Your mom needs you. I’ll be here waiting ❤

Lucky for him, his mom was there to keep her children on track with the packing. They were moving the following Friday and the whole house had to be packed up. It was a small delay, but doable if everyone helped. 

''Have you started packing yet?'' 

''Yes.'' 

Fenna looked around the room and raised an eyebrow, not seeing much progress since she last came here to check - which was two hours ago. ''Quit talking to Lucas and pack your bedroom, it won't pack itself. Even Lotte has started putting her toys in boxes.''

Jens frowned, raising his eyes from his phone. ''How do you know it's Lucas I'm talking to? Why not Robbe or Moyo?''

''Because you have that smile on your face when you talk to him. Others might not notice it, but I'm your mom. I see these things.'' 

A light blush coated his cheeks. 

**Jens:** Gotta get back to packing...😞

 **Lucas:** 🥺

 **Jens:** We'll facetime tonight, okay?

 **Lucas:** I'll wait for your call. Love you ❤

.

**Friday, March 13th**

A mix of laughters and shoutings filled Jens' bedroom as the four boys battled at video games. They were in the middle of a heated competition between Jens and Moyo when the doorbell went off, forcing them to pause the game.

Jens handed the controller to Robbe, being the only trustable person out of them, and went downstairs to answer the door. A confused frown and a wide grin shared space on Jens’ face, surprised to see his boyfriend on the other side. 

''What the-'' 

''Missed me?'' Lucas asked, a small grin on his lips, interrupting Jens. 

Jens' grin broadened and he pulled Lucas into a hug after getting him inside, shutting the door behind. Lucas returned the embrace, snaking his arms behind Jens' neck, missing the closeness of his boyfriend. 

''What are you doing here? You couldn’t get away from me for long, uh?’’ Jens teased instead of pointing out Lucas’ tired look, the bags under his eyes looking darker than at the train station on Monday. 

Lucas rolled his eyes. ‘’Yeah, I missed your pretty face too much.’’ He squished Jens’s cheeks with his hand, making him pull a fishy face, and laughing at how ridiculous he looked. 

‘’I knew it, you can’t get enough of me.’’ Smug look on his face, Jens leaned in to kiss Lucas.

Sooner than usual, Jens’ tongue pushed past Lucas’ lips and Lucas slipped his hands under Jens’ shirt, feeling the warm skin under the grey cotton, catching a soft sigh of content from the taller boy.

They hadn’t had a lot of occasions to kiss more than a quick peck since last Friday and it felt good to share a longer kiss. The weekend had been emotionally difficult for Lucas and his head wasn’t in a mood to make out despite having the house to themselves all weekend.

For a moment, the two boys almost forgot that they were standing in Jens’ entry.

Lucas pulled away, but kept his hands on Jens. ‘’I’m only here for the night, I’m going back tomorrow morning. I came to pick up a few things from my dad’s...and see you.’’ 

Jens hummed and leaned to kiss Lucas again when loud arguing was heard from upstairs, catching Lucas' attention and making him frown. 

''You're having people over?’’ he questioned, feeling bad for taking Jens away from his guests. ‘’I can come back later if-''

Jens shrugged. ''It’s just the boys. We were playing video games. Come.’’

Lucas toed off his shoes and let Jens pull him upstairs. 

As they got closer to Jens’ bedroom Lucas’ stomach knotted, worried Jens’ friend will ask questions after the way he left last week at the party. He never gave them an explanation and he was hoping Jens hadn’t told them what happened to his mom. He might be okay to share this personal information with Jens and his own close friends like Kes, Isa and Ralph, but he didn’t want everyone to know. 

‘’Now we know why he was taking so long to come back,’’ Aaron pointed out when he saw Lucas behind Jens. 

Jens flipped him off and went to the empty spot on his bed, pulling Lucas onto his lap, taking advantage of having limited seating space in his cardboard boxes filled bedroom. 

Robbe handed Jens back the controller, ready to get back to the game.

''How are you gonna play with Lucas sitting on you like that? You can hardly see,'' Aaron pointed out. 

Jens smirked, feeling confident. ''Don't worry, I can still beat your ass.'' 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. This is the end of Jens' season. I'm not 100% happy with my writing for this last chapter, but it's the best I could do at the moment. I hope you liked it and it wasn't too disappointing. 
> 
> p.s. I finished a book for the first time since my 1D days... This is a miracle


End file.
